Back Again
by Fist-it-Out
Summary: Zed and Addison are happily married with three kids when one day, Addison disappears without a trace. Then three years later, she returns.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Listen, I know I swore not to post another story until I finished two WIPs. But this story is important. It goes it to my lord and savior, keepswingin (tumblr name) because I love her and we've been idea sharing about this story for like a whole two weeks. Plus! Always Had a Feeling is almost over anyway! Don't judge me, I have a problem! Anyway, enjoy this one chapter! **

**Some minor housekeeping: it's a human!au. They're much, much older. That's all I'll tell you about the story, since you'll learn as you go! Enjoy!**

* * *

Sunday is always Family Day, proclaimed since the day his first son was born. His kids weren't old enough to branch out and do things on their own, so the only person who had to clear their schedule was him. This week, they were going to a charity event at the local park, The Shady Hills Nature Festival. Zed even splurged on shirts for all of them—white and bright orange with the words printed across the chest.

Unfortunately, his kids were late. As always. Well, except for Lily, because she was six, and Zed got her ready.

"Aidan! Nicky! Let's go!" he shouted.

"Coming Daddy!" Aidan yelled back.

Zed rolled his eyes and fixed plates for his two boys, putting them on the table. "Lily, don't go anywhere," he told her.

She nodded and Zed left the kitchen, heading down the hall and into the boys' room. Aidan is pulling on his pants and his older brother, Nicky, is halfway under his bed.

"Nicky can't find his shoes," Aidan said.

"What shoes?" Zed asked.

"The red and white sneakers Auntie Zoe got for my birthday!" Nicky shouted from under his bed.

Zed crossed his arms and Aidan chuckled, knowing his brother was going to get in trouble. "You mean the shoes in the living room last night, after I told you to put them away four times?"

Nicky banged his head against the bed frame and shouted out in pain. Zed immediately softened up, stepping over and pulling Nicky from under the bed. "Shoes, breakfast," he told him. He noticed Nicky's pained face and frowned, examining the back of his head. "And put some ice where it hurts."

"Kay." Nicky slipped past his dad, jogging out of his room in search of his shoes.

Zed turned to his other son, who had his pants on and was pulling on socks. "Hurry up, you gotta eat before we leave."

Aidan nodded and Zed turned and left, heading back to the kitchen. He passed Nicky in the living room, who was sitting on the couch and tying his sneakers.

Finally, he got all of his kids sitting down for breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, they were being ushered out toward the car. It was the middle of summer, so Zed filled their school bags with a change of clothes and snacks. He grabbed his keys and opened the door, almost walking right into the woman pacing back and forth on his porch. She stopped and looked at him with wide eyes like a deer caught in headlights, and Zed's breath caught in his throat.

It's Addison.

Behind him, there was a chorus of gasps. Aidan shouted, "Mommy!" His three kids ran past him and attack their mother.

Because Addison was their mother, and his wife. Still is, legally.

Zed and Addison met freshman year of high school. They were best friends, for two and a half years. Then Addison asked him out, and they became the power couple of Seabrook, New Hampshire. Everything was perfect. And then Addison got into her dream school, in southern California, all the way across the country. And Zed was going to Seabrook Community College. They managed long distance for a year and a half. Then Zed ended up transferring a community college in California, only a few miles from where Addison was.

Because this was the girl he was in love with.

After he gets an associates degree, he goes to the academy. It took about a year before he got a job as a firefighter. Another year later, Addison graduated. Within four months of Addison graduating, they got married, and it was amazing.

Nicky was born a year later, and another year later, Aidan was born. Three years after Aidan was born, they had Lily. They had three perfect angels, and were happy together, with two stable jobs and a home and friendly neighborhood. Everything was perfect.

Then one day, when Lily was two, Addison disappeared. Zed remembered that day clearly: Zed was taking Lily to daycare and Addison was taking the boys to school. Like every morning, they kissed goodbye. Zed had said, "I'll see you tonight." Addison nodded, but Zed knew something was off. He wished he would have said something.

Addison never came home that night, and the vast majority of her clothing was gone. Zed got in contact with the school she worked at, and learned that she had requested the week off. All of his calls went straight to voicemail.

A week turned into a month. Then a year. And now three years.

After a month, her phone disappeared from their family plan. Her email became disconnected. He was a cop, and ended up with a priority case, where they discovered that, on the day she left, she had bought a plane ticket to New Hampshire and withdrawn several thousand dollars from their bank account.

She took their money and left without a word. Not a single word.

And here she was, on his porch.

To say he was speechless was an understatement. He didn't know how to feel. Here was the love of his life, who had been missing for three years, back again. His heart swelled with relief and joy and he was genuinely happy to see her, just like the kids. And she looked more beautiful than he remembered. Her blonde hair was in a messy braid and she wasn't wearing anything special, but just seeing her made his heart swell.

But, well, he thought about how she left. For _three _years. And turned up on their doorstep without a warning or anything, after abandoning her family. She didn't even say goodbye, she just left them.

He had no idea what to feel, so he stayed neutral.

Addison crouched down to hug her kids. "Oh my god my babies! I missed you so much! Look how big you guys are!"

After a few minutes of the same things, Addison stood up and looked at Zed with a nervous smile. "Zed, hi," she greeted.

He gave a small, forced smile. "Hey."

"It's, uh, good to see you again."

Zed nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. He glanced at his kids and said, "Why don't you guys go wait in the car."

He unlocked the doors for them as they ran down the steps, away from their parents, and climbed inside. Once they were all inside, Zed turned his attention back to Addison.

"You're back."

"I'm back."

He couldn't figure out what else to say. Addison looked at the ground, shifting on her feet. Which when he noticed exactly what shirt she's wearing: a bright orange and white, 'Shady Hills Nature Festival' tee shirt.

"I see you're going to the festival," Zed pointed out.

"I, uh, figured it was something you'd take the kids to," Addison explained. "So if I didn't catch you here, I could find you there."

Zed raised an eyebrow at her. "That sounds stalkerish."

"Well I wasn't sure if you even still lived here." Addison shrugged. "I was about to…um…head out. To see if you were at the show."

Zed nodded. For the first year of her being gone, he couldn't stop picturing what it would be like to see her again. What it would be like to hold her and talk to her. This awkward exchange between them, wasn't even close to what he had imagined.

"I would love to, uh, stay and chat, but the kids are really looking forward to the concert and carnival, so I'd better get going."

"I'll see you there?" Addison asked, her voice and expression giving away how hopeful she was that he'd say yes. "If that's alright with you?"

Zed but his tongue to keep from saying what he really wanted to say: '_It's a public event, who am I to stop you_?' It was snippy and rude and he was better than that. If anything, he should offer her to go with them. Even though she had left them without a note, or phone call, or even an email. She may have abandoned them, but he couldn't do that to her.

"If we're both going there, we might as well carpool," he said. "Seems dumb to go to a 'Save the Environment' event in two cars."

Addison giggled lightly. "Yeah."

Zed nodded toward the car and Addison turned, walking down the porch to the vehicle. Zed made sure to lock the door, then jogged over to the car. As he pulled out, he couldn't help but notice there wasn't another car in the driveway.

* * *

Nicky and Aidan were beyond ecstatic to see their mother again, pulling her to all the different rides and games at the festival. Lily was not. She was only two when Addison left, there was no way she remembered her. Lily clung by Zed, refusing to leave his side the entire morning. Zed didn't mind, he loved his clingy baby.

Zed was finally left alone with Addison when Aidan and Nicky managed to convince their sister to go with them on one of the rides—a windglider styled ride, for three people. Zed leaned against the gate close to where his kids were waiting. And Addison's stood next to him.

"Can we talk?" she asked. "Without the kids around?"

"Sure," he said. "Is this about you leaving for three years?"

He hadn't meant to sound so harsh and cringed. Addison ringer and nodded. "Uh, yeah," she answered. "I just—I want to ask for you to forgive me. Because I'm sorry, like, really sorry. I never meant to be gone for so long."

"You left. Without even saying goodbye." Zed stated.

Addison's cheeks tinged pink. "I-I couldn't. If I had, I wouldn't have left."

"Am I supposed to be sympathetic?" Zed spat. "Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? You _left_ us."

"I had to," Addison said firmly.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you that."

Zed raised his eyebrows. "I-I don't get it, Addison! I just—"

The windglider ride started up, the kids calling for Zed's attention. Zed grinned at them, cheering them on.

"Zed—"

"Addison, not now," he told her. "I'm trying to enjoy Family Day."

"I missed Family Day," Addison mumbled, turning away from him.

'_Maybe you shouldn't have left_.'

The kids got off the ride bouncing with energy. Except Lily, who looked a little green. "Why don't we take a break from the ride and check out some of the shows?" Zed suggested.

"Aw!" Aidan complained. "Can't Mommy take us on more rides?"

"Yeah!" Nicky exclaimed.

Zed frowned, not even glancing at Addison to see her opinion. He trusted her as far as he could throw her (which was about as far as across a room and to get her to land in bed). He was afraid if he left her with them, she might disappear and leave the boys alone in the slightly overcrowded public event. He bent down and picked up Lily, telling his boys, "We gotta spend Family Day together. Otherwise it's not Family Day."

The kids accepted that as an answer. "Lets get some lunch first," Zed told them, and they all more or less agreed. Let's grab lunch first." Zed led them over to the food stands, getting sandwiches for all of them, including Addison, then leading them to a picnic table.

Nicky and Aidan filled Addison in one everything they could—from school to their friends to Auntie Bree's new puppy. Lily stayed quiet like Zed, sitting close to him, not understanding why her brothers were so comfortable with this stranger.

After they eat, they go to one of the small stages were local talents are putting on benefit shows for the cause. The whole idea didn't make much sense really, hosting a save the environment event with air polluting rides that killed the grass they rested on. But, Zed wasn't here for the logistics, just for the family fun.

During the first show they were at, Zed's phone started ringing. He would have ignored it, since phones weren't allowed on Family Days, but it was his job, Shady Hills Fire Department. Instead of the usual 24-hours on 48-hours off most of the folks at the station worked, he did 10-12 hours for four-five days, usually consecutive or random. As long as he got Sundays off for Family Day.

But, it was an emergency, there were men down and they needed as many firefighters as they could get. Zed agreed immediately, only being a little more than a block away from the station. Only one slight problem, or three. Three small problems.

"Guys," Zed said, getting the attention of his kids (and Addison). "I have to run to work, so we're gonna reschedule Family Day for another time and you guys can hang out with Auntie Bree!"

All three started complaining and Zed instantly felt bad. Sunday was the only day he got to spend with his kids and _only_ his kids. But this was an emergency, Shady Hills needed him.

"Zed, I can watch the kids," Addison offered.

That was a hard no.

When Addison saw his skeptical face, she pressed, "You have to go to work! I'd be a huge inconvenience to go all the way home while I'm here. I've got this."

Everything in him told him to say no and take his kids home and leave them Bree. Bree _never_ disappeared on his kids. Bree was trustworthy. But Addison had a point. Plus, they were her kids. She was their mom.

Against his better judgement, he passed her the car keys. "I'm trusting you," he warned her.

Addison smiled and rolled her eyes. "Go be a hero, Zed," she teased. He tensed at her words, the same words she would tell him everyday before he went to work. He almost fell back into routine, kissing the top of her head and saying bye like he used to do. Instead, he nodded, then gave each of his kids a hug.

"I'll be home by bedtime, I promise."

As he left, he texted his neighbor, Madeline, that one of his relatives was watching the kids and to let him know if they weren't home by six. The festival would end at five but Zed was willing to give Addison some wiggle room. Once he got a message back, he started walking with purpose to the fire house.


	2. Chapter 2

After Zed left, Addison managed to coax her children into going on the smaller, tamer rides and playing the benefit games. Spending time with the kids was a breath of fresh air Addison had been needing for so long.

Nicky was a ball of energy, like he always had been. That high spirit had to have come from both her and Zed, considering how energetic they both had been growing up. Maybe more from Addison, seeing as she had been cheering her whole school career. But he was loud and definitely confident, just like Zed.

Aidan was a lot like his older brother—a side effect of sharing a room their whole lives—but Addison could tell he was a lot more attentive. Where Nicky was impulsive, Aidan was more likely to think things through. Well, for an eight year old. Like when they were going on rides, he would always ask if Lily would be too small for the ride (which she usually was). Caring and attentive was definitely the Zed in him. Hell, the whole reason Zed was a firefighter was because he wanted to help as many people as he could, fight the fights others couldn't.

And Lily. Aidan and Nicky would box in their sister and protect her like her own personal body guards and it was the absolute cutest thing ever. From what Addison could tell, Lily was shy, maybe because she was nervous around Addison or maybe because that's just how she was. Addison didn't know. She was clearly uncomfortable to be left with Addison, which broke her heart. Lily was her sweet baby. She always had a big smile that made others smile and laugh. But now she barely even looked at Addison.

At least until her brothers went on a ride that she was too small for and they waited a little off to the side. Lily gently tugged on Addison's shirt and Addison looked down at her. "Um, may you please tie my shoes?" Lily asked quietly.

"Of course I can," Addison said, bending down and untying the loose laces before retying them. "Your Daddy hasn't taught you yet?"

Lily nodded her head, her cheeks pink. "I can't do it by myself," she muttered.

"That's okay," Addison assured her. "I couldn't tie my shoes without help until I was Nicky's age." Something her family would never let her forget, either.

Lily took little comfort in her words, twiddling her fingers nervously. Addison sighed and stood up. She may have been around for the two most important years in Lily's growth, but she missed every opportunity to truly bond with her daughter. She wasn't even in her daughter's memories. Addison sighed, leaning against the gate.

She reminded herself that she couldn't regret leaving, she had no other choice. She was only supposed to be gone a week, maybe two. But she knew there was no other option but to stay for all those years, no matter how much it hurt her. No matter how much it hurt her family.

She couldn't regret it. She would just have to earn back their trust and love. Starting with Zed.

* * *

Family Day always ended with takeout. Addison knew it because she and Zed had made the rules for Family Day for the very first when, when Aidan was only 18 months old. She got her kids takeout from Panera Bread to go along with the conservation theme of the day. After they ate dinner and Addison put away Zed's food, Nicky showed off his _Getting Ready for 4th Grade_ book that was barely even started, which prompted Aidan to brag about his similar book for 3rd grade that had ten more pages than his brother. Once she got them to stop bragging and arguing, they sat down to do another page while Addison got Lily ready for bed.

Lily walked Addison through the nighttime routine—bath, which was easy, then pajamas, then teeth, which she could do by herself. After, Addison told the boys to get ready for bed, then took Lily back to her room. She braided Lily's slightly damp brown hair into a loose braid, then tucked her in.

"Anything else I'm missing for bedtime?" Addison asked.

"Daddy always tells me a story," Lily said. Her small smile falls and her eyes droop when she added, "He promised he'd be home."

Addison's heart clenched at the sight of her baby so sad. She managed a small, equally sad smile, reaching out and taking her daughter's hand. "Daddy will be home," she assured her. "I bet he's on his way right now. But, while we wait, is it okay if I tell you a story?"

Lily shrugged. "I guess."

"What do you wanna hear tonight?" Addison asked. "A princess story? A love story? And action story?"

"You have to make it up," Lily told her thoughtfully. Then, with big arm gestures and a huge grin on her face, she said, "S'gotta be dramatic! Suspenseful! Blow me away!"

Addison laughed, knowing that that was exactly what Zed would say and how he'd say it. He was funny in a annoying kind of way, by it was also endearing. Just the thought of him made her smile.

"Okay I've got it," Addison said. "A hundred years ago, there was a beautiful princess in the kingdom of…Seabrook…topia?"

Lily nodded along. "Seabrooktopia."

"Right," Addison paused, thinking of her word choice. If she was going to tell a Zed and Addison love story, she needed to be clever so lily couldn't figure out it was a Zed and Addison love story. "The beautiful princess had long hair that was as white as the—" Wait, it didn't snow in the part of California they lived. Lily wouldn't get her reference. "It was as white as the fluffiest cloud in the sky. Or the bestest marshmallow in the bag."

"People don't have white hair!" Lily protested in amusement.

"Anything can happen in a story," Addison told her. "Like how Princess Ad…eline, Princess Adeline wanted to go out into Seabrooktopia and visit all the cute little kids at the schools. And play with them all day and teach them how to do things."

Lily was smarter than she let on and pointed out, "Princesses can't be teachers!"

"That's what King Dale and Queen Missy told her," Addison said, not even bothering to change her parents names. Lily wouldn't know them anyway. Addison and decided long ago that her old family wouldn't be involved in the life of her real family, the family that mattered.

"But Adeline could do anything she sent her mind to, as long as she did it with hard work."

"Like how Disney channel always say '_dream big princess_?'"

Addison nodded. "Exactly," she agreed. The story had taken a preacher turn. She needed to wrap it up so she could check on the boys.

"So when her parents weren't looking, she studied hard so she could learn enough to teach and play with the kids. And one day, Princess Adeline snuck out of her castle and out of Seabrooktopia to a kingdom next door, called…Zombietown."

Lily's brows creased together in worry. "Zombietown? That sounds scary."

"Well Zombietown wasn't scary," Addison assured her. "It was filled with Zombies, but not mean zombies that eat brains. These were nice Zombies who ate their vegetables and did their homework, and never ever made their daddies and mommies worried."

"They sound boring."

Addison giggled, shaking her head. 'Zombietown' was far from boring. It just happened to be what most people in Seabrook called the lower west side of town, where it was far from perfect. Which was where Zed was from.

"Well Princess Adeline went to Zombietown because she learned…she learned how to dance and wanted to show the little Zombies who never got to dance." Which was pretty close to the truth.

"And when she was there, teaching the kids how to dance, she met a tall, cute, Zombie boy. He was nice and funny and made her smile all the time."

Lily scrunched up her nose. "Don't Zombies have germs?"

Addison shook her head. "There was nothing to be afraid of about this Zombie. He was healthy and always brushed his teeth. And he always cared about Adeline's feelings and made sure she was taking care of herself. He was perfect."

"What happened next?"

'_Adeline ruined it by leaving him and their family behind_.'

Addison smiled and said, "They got married, and lived happily ever after."

Lily's mouth dropped open in shock. "No! There's gotta be more!" she protested.

Addison bit back her laugh. She missed dealing with fed up children, they always looked so cute when they got angry.

"Well maybe tomorrow, I can tell you another story. And I'll finish this one."

Lily's anger vanished in seconds, replaced with big curious eyes. "You're gonna be here tomorrow?"

Addison nodded even though she wasn't sure herself. "Of course. I won't leave you again, Lily."

Lily looked away from Addison. She was quiet for several minutes, until she finally asked, "Why did you leave us?"

Addison squeezed her daughter's hand comfortingly, drawing Lily's gaze up to her face. "I had to do something really serious," Addison told her. "If I didn't, a lot of people could get hurt."

Lily looked at her with big blue eyes, not really understanding but clearly trying to. Addison sighed and stood up, then leaned down and kissed the top of Lily's head. "I love you, Lily. And I won't leave you again. I promise."

Lily held out her little finger to her mother. "Pinky promise?"

Addison smiled and nodded. She wrapped her finger around her daughter's. "Pinky promise."

"That was a good story," Lily said. "Can you tell me another one tomorrow?"

"I'll try," Addison said with a smile.

Addison turned just as Zed came around the corner and into Lily's room. He looked tired, really really tired, and Addison started to worry. Which quickly turned into something more sinful as she looked him over. His navy SHFD shirt is tight, a lot tighter than she remembered it being, and she can see the faint outline of every single nook and cranny of his upper body. She always managed to forget how fit Zed need to be for his job, how physical it was.

She needed to cool it. They were in the middle of their five year old daughter's room, not to mention Zed _hated_ her.

"Oh? You're already in bed." Zed noticed. He looked from Lily to Addison and back to Lily. "Did Mommy tuck you in okay?"

"Uh huh," Lily nodded. "She told me a story." Then, without elaborating, she said, "Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Mommy."

"Goodnight Lily," they both said.

Zed flicked off the lights and they both left the room, standing in the hallway. "We have to talk," Zed told her. "I'm gonna put the boys to bed. You can wait in the living room."

* * *

A little less than an hour later, Zed walked into the living room, looking at Addison and nodding in the direction of the kitchen. Addison moved from the couch and followed him into the other room. "We left you food in the microwave," she told him as she slid into a chair at the table.

"Thanks." He opened the microwave and grabbed the takeout, taking it over to the table. He sat down, opening the lid, then paused. He looked up and gave Addison an apologetic smile as he said, "And sorry I got home so late. I would have been here earlier, but Jack got hurt and I was covering his shift."

"It's okay," Addison brushed off. "I liked spending time with the kids."

He turned his attention back to his food, scoffed, and grumbled "They're a pain in the ass, that's what," though it was clearly good natured by his teasing smile.

Addison giggled. Maybe she had been wrong, maybe Zed didn't hate her.

The smile faded away and he looked up at her. "Are you gonna tell me why you came back?" Zed asked. He slouched in his chair, looking annoyed as he continued. "You want money? Want to take the kids? Official divorce me so you can marry your new man?"

Okay never mind. Zed still hated her, and raised incredibly valid points. It didn't stop her from being surprised at his words. "What? Zed I would—Why would you think that? I love the kids, but I would never want to take them from you. I just—Do you really think I'm that bad?"

"You left your family for three years," he stated. "And then you just show up on my doorstep, refusing to even tell me where you've been. What else am I supposed to think?"

"Zed, I've never—I would _never_ cheat on you. With anyone."

Zed didn't look convinced. His eyes were hard and his lips were pressed in a firm line. "Why should I believe that, Addison? You didn't just leave your family, you left me. What happened to 'to have and to hold, for better, for worse, til death do we part?' Did all of that mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it did," Addison argued, desperate. Trying to get him to understand without telling him was like being a headless chicken, running in circles going nowhere. She loved Zed with her whole heart, but he was so _stubborn_. "Zed, I—"

"Should go," he stated. Addison's mouth fell open in shock. She knew Zed was upset, but he had been giving her a chance all day.

"Zed—"

"Addison," he said, tired and half hearted. "Please, just go."

She closed her mouth and nodded, knowing that if she wanted to stay in his good graces, Now wasn't the time to talk to him. She stood and left the house, making the trek back to her motel.


	3. Chapter 3

Zed woke up at a quarter to six the next morning. He was dressed and ready in fifteen minutes and went into the kitchen to get started on breakfast. He glanced at the door and saw Addison pulling it closed, almost moving on with his morning before realizing that _that _wasn't normal. He walked over to her and frowned, watching her lock the door then turn around and jump in surprise at the sight of him.

"Zed! I didn't think you'd be out yet."

"What?"

Addison rocked on the balls of her feet. "I was planning on coming in early, make you some breakfast so we could talk before you went to work today," she explained. "I know last night you were tired and stressed and I…think we need to talk."

Zed frowned, shaking his head. "Can we backtrack to the first part? I didn't even know you had keys."

"I don't." She shrugged sheepishly. "Remember when we were seventeen? We went to the old power plant and you picked the locks so we could get in. Then I asked you to teach me."

Zed definitely remembered. It was their second first date (out of three) and had ended horribly, and Addison still went on a third first date with him, and then another and another. And they got married and had three kids. And she left for three years.

"So you broke into my home."

Addison shrugged again. "Did you take my name off the mortgage?"

"Well no, but—"

"Well then, it's not technically breaking in." Addison smiled and walked around him, going to the kitchen. Zed rolled his eyes and followed her to the kitchen.

"You can't just burst in here, Addison!"

"You're right," she said. She slowly squatted down and opened the cabinet next to the stove. Zed's eyes went wide in surprise and he immediately forced his gaze to the cabinets above the stove. He wouldn't let his undeniable attraction to her influence his thinking.

"Should I call a locksmith to get new keys?" Addison asked.

Zed huffed out in frustration. This was exactly why he needed to keep a clear head. She had no right to do such a thing—except she did because she was still on the mortgage and their bank accounts were still joint. Legally, what was his was hers and what was hers was his. He really should have fixed that after she had been gone after a year and a half, like his friends suggested.

Zed looked back at her just as Addison glanced back at him with a smile. Damn, he forgot his wife was so sexy. She was just wearing a plain white tee shirt and jeans and her hair was done, but he couldn't deny her looks. It wasn't the only reason he loved her, since had had a great personality and was a good person. But it didn't hurt that she was hot as hell.

He shook his head to clear the thoughts. She was gorgeous, but she was a snake. It wasn't worth it.

"Zed, sit down and relax, I'm cooking," she told him.

Zed sighed and sat at the table. Addison stood up and put a frying pan on the counter. She turned the stove on and went to the pantry, grabbing the non-stick spray. "Do you still like my fried eggs?" Addison asked.

Zed shrugged, not just because there was no way he would know that information, but also because he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of his compliance. She took it as a yes and went to work cooking. It took Addison maybe ten minutes to make and plate the food—a plate of fried eggs with veggies and cut up hotdogs in it, two half slices of toast, and a glass of orange juice. She had made breakfast for herself too and sat down across from him, smiling. "I didn't think I'd remember the recipe," she told him.

Zed raised a curious eyebrow at her, but she didn't elaborate. "What do you want to talk about?" Zed asked. "I have to get the kids ready to go soon so make this quick."

"Well, it's about the kids," she said, and Zed immediately tensed up. He knew it. He knew the only reason she returned was to get custody of the kids—_his_ kids—and take them away from him.

"Look, Zed," she started, but Zed was already thinking up his argument as to why they should stay with him. "I know you hate me. And you want nothing to do with me. But I just…I just want a chance! Please, Zed! I just want a chance to prove myself."

"Prove yourself?"

Addison nodded. "Zed, I swear I'm a good mom. I swear that if I had a choice, I _never_ would have left. And I _swear_ that I'm back for good. That I'll never leave you or the kids again." She sounded insanely, _sincerely _desperate and Zed couldn't help but be sympathetic. He knew Addison like the back of his hand and knew she was being serious, and it made him sad.

Addison continued talking. "I just want a chance to prove to you that I can be here for my family. And…and if you still don't trust me then I'll leave." Zed's eyebrows went up in surprise, but her face told him she was completely serious. "I'll get the divorce papers myself, I'll terminate my parental rights. And—and I'll leave forever, if you want me to. But please just give me a chance."

Zed pursed his lips. Addison was willing to put everything on the line for her family. She was ready to risk everything just got the chance to be with them again. A small part of him hoped that that also meant she would risk everything for him, but he knew it couldn't be true. She didn't love him anymore.

"One chance," he repeated. Addison face broke into a huge grin and he had to force himself to keep a straight face and continue. It was hard to not get excited when Addison whole face lit up like it was. "The summer. Just the summer. I could use the extra hours and having you around doesn't make me feel guilty." He trailed off and shrugged, looking down at his plate.

He can hear the excitement in her voice as she said, "Zed, thank you so much. I promise you won't regret this!"

Zed bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. If he looked at her, he knew his heart would melt completely at her bubbly excitement. "Can we eat now?" he asked.

"Of course. And full disclosure, I haven't exactly cooked in a while, so apologies if this is really terrible."

Z d nodded and started eating with caution, but it was everything he remembered it being. He never even liked eggs unless Addison was making them, and couldn't help but let out a moan at the deliciousness. He blushed and glanced at her to see if she noticed, but if she had she ignored it, eating her breakfast with earnest.

They finished eating in silence and when Zed checked the clock, he still had more than a half hour before his shift would start. Just enough time to give Addison the run down of the Monday plans, until he got home later and gave her a weekly breakdown.

He got up and grabbed a pad and pen, sliding it to her before returning to his seat. "Okay, you gotta write this down," he explained. "It's very important everything that needs to happen happens. Aidan is a stickler for schedule. He will lose his mind if things go wrong."

Speaking of Aidan…"And you can't just let them do whatever. Aidan and Nicky need to be watched in the bathroom. They're not even ten, the cannot handle being alone. They nearly _flooded _the house two months ago."

"Didn't you and Zoey flood your bathroom when you were eleven?"

Zed scoffed. Of course he and his little sister were insane, but that didn't excuse his kids to be like him. They were supposed to be _better_ than him.

"That's irrelevant," he said. "They're kids. They need to be supervised. And they need structure. You're a teacher, you should know this."

Addison nodded as he spoke. "Your right, I'm sorry. I'll be better though."

Zed nodded. "Okay, ready?" Addison nodded, picking up the pen. "Wake them up around nine or ten. They need to do ten pages in the learning books, everyday, and it takes maybe two or three hours for them all to do. Lily will need to most help since she's never been to school."

"Makes sense."

"Lunch is at one, and if all of them have finished in their books, _then_ they can watch T.V. If not, let the ones who are finished read a book or something." Addison nodded, her pen moving quickly across the page. Zed waited until she finished to continue. "Today—Monday—is a sports day. They all need to be at the community center by three thirty. Nicky…Nicky has football today. Aidan has ballet. Lily also has football. Nicky and Lily are on the same field but they're in two different leagues because of their age. You can sit in the stand with the other parents or go watch Aidan, I don't care."

"Okay," Addison said. "These are _obviously _our kids. Football. Ballet. Zed and Addison."

Zed let his lips curl up in a slight smile. She was right, of course. He let the kids pick what they wanted to do after school.

"Football usually finishes first, but they're all in the same place so just wait for them. It'll usually be over around five or maybe later." Zed explained. "Bring them home, I'll be off by then. Dinner, Disney channel, baths, bed. That's Monday. When I get back tonight I can give you the breakdown of the week."

"Okay. Sounds easy enough." Addison tapped her pen against the paper like she was debating saying something else. Zed watched her until she looked at him apologetically.

"I don't really have a _way_ to take them anywhere," she said with a sheepish smile. "As in I don't have a car."

"What happened to your car?"

"Last I heard, my husband had it towed and sold it," Addison said. Her words were harsh but her tone didn't have anything behind it, which was odd. Zed still felt a little bad about getting rid of her car after her being gone for only a week.

"Sorry," he said. "I was mad but, I guess I shouldn't have done that. Or at least waited a little longer."

"I'm not mad," Addison said. "I probably would have destroyed your car out of anger." Zed laughed before he could stop himself. "At least you were smart enough to get money."

"Well then," Zed drummed his fingers against the table as he thought. "I _guess_ you can take the car. For today, or maybe the week. Not sure yet. Drop me off, pick me up, the works. We'll figure something out when I don't have to go to work."

Addison nodded in agreement. Zed stood up, taking both of their dirty dishes and dropping them off in the sink. "Let's go then."

* * *

It was a slow day at the station and Zed was feeling antsy about leaving his kids with Addison. He spent the majority of the time on the computer, making a spreadsheet of a weekly breakdown. He never got this worried and meticulous about his kids. They usually spent their time away from Zed with Madeline, their sixty-seven year old next door neighbor who never worked. She had been babysitting them for so long, Zed couldn't even remember doing this without her.

The thought of Addison with the kids worried him, which it shouldn't, because she was their mother and he should trust her (just a little) with them. If Addison was anything, she was good on her word. She would leave if he asked. It's not like she wasn't good at it.

Still he worried.

He was going insane, he was definitely going insane. And, to confirm it, his good friend James Bonzo Izaki, walked up behind him and looked at the computer screen. Bonzo and Zed went way back to the fire academy. He was funny and talented and, naturally, was the kids' favorite uncle (and only uncle). And, he was married to Addison's former best friend, Bree.

His eyes scanned over the screen and Zed didn't pay him any mind until he asked, "Are you…making your kids a schedule? I knew Madeline was old but she needs _this_ now?"

Zed rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Madeline isn't _that_ old, and this isn't for the kids," he explained. He spun around in his chair to face his friend. "You'll never believe what happened yesterday."

Bonzo sat back against the desk. "You got called in for an emergency and had to ditch family day, much to the disappointment of your kids?"

"Worse," Zed said. "Addison came back."

Bonzo's jaw dropped open. It was obvious that he couldn't believe it either. Bonzo and Bree had been there to pick Zed back up after Addison left. They helped him with the kids as much as they could because there was no way Zed could have done it all alone. Bonzo had even tried to convince him, twice, to put himself back out there, go on a date. Zed refused, twice, not only because he wanted to focus on his kids but because he felt like, in some way, it was cheating on Addison. Which didn't make any sense, since she so clearly was cheating on him.

"She came yesterday, we went to the festival together—"

"You did _what_?!"

"What was I supposed to do!" Zed raised his hands in defense. "She just showed up when we were leaving, she was already going, and the kids were _excited _to see her! I couldn't turn her away!"

Bonzo nodded so hard he might have gotten whiplash. "Yes you could! Turn her away and tell the kids that _that _wasn't their real mom!"

"But Bonzo—"

"Zed, we're talking about Addison. The same Addison who left you with nothing—no note, no phone call, _nothing_. Took your money and fled the goddamn state!" Bonzo reminded him. "Do you even know why she's here? What if she wants your money? Or she wants to take the kids from you? Did you even think of that?"

"Of course I did!" Zed argued. "But Bonzo, listen to me. I-She just wants a chance. Who am I to take away her right to be a mother?"

"You have every right, Zed! She abandoned you with three babies!" Bonzo pointed out. He groaned, exasperated. He scrubbed a hand over his face and asked, "Why are you defending her? Last week you would have agreed with me in a heartbeat!"

"I-I don't know." Zed went quiet. He couldn't figure out why he was defending Addison. Bonzo was right, Addison left him and her family with nothing. But there was a difference in being angry at the thought of her, and actually, physically seeing her.

Bonzo put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Is it because…you still have feelings for her?"

Zed started at his friend, unsure what to say. He didn't even _know_ if he still had feelings for Addison. The right answer, the obvious answer, the one he wanted to choose, was that he didn't. He hated Addison for everything she put him through.

But there was also the part of him that was in love with her, had been since they were fourteen. When they first met, in the janitor's closet at school, and she punched him in the face. She was kind and caring and loving. This was the girl who spent every summer volunteering at a cheer camp with uncoordinated five year olds and then decided to spend the rest of her life teaching kids how to do things.

And she came back to him! She wanted to be with her family. She was so sure that she could prove herself that she was willing to give up her rights as a parent to their kids if she failed.

And she made his super special, absolute favorite breakfast for him!

Bonzo sighed, patting his friend's shoulder. "I can see you need some time to figure this out. Just remember, this isn't just about you, it's about your kids too."

Bonzo slipped away, heading back to his own workstation. Zed watched him, then groaned and dropped his head down onto the desk. He didn't even know what to think anymore. Addison was his estranged wife, the mother of his children, the love of his life. His heart was telling him to trust her and that she was being genuine. But his head was reminding him of all the heartache Addison had caused him. If only he were a kid and he could just ask his dad what to do. He longed for someone to guide him and help him make the right choice.

His phone started ringing and he lifted his head, seeing it was the home phone. Nicky was the only one who knew how to use the home phone, but he couldn't figure out why Nicky would be calling. Maybe something had happened with Addison? An emergency? What if Addison had disappeared on them?

He shot up and answered his phone. "What's wrong?" he asked in panic.

"_What?_" It was Addison, which didn't make him feel any better. "_Nothings wrong, Zed_."

Zed swallowed, nodding to himself. Everything was fine, there was no need to be worried. Addison had control, she was a good mom.

"_My notes got a little…wet._"

He sat up straighter, his throat burning as he fought down worry. He had to trust Addison, it wasn't like he could run home. Still, her words filled him with panic. "What does _that_ mean?"

"_Well I'm not gonna throw anyone under the bus!_" Addison laughed, and Zed melted back into his chair. It was sweet and innocent and reassured him when her words couldn't. "_I just need to know what time practice starts._"

"Three thirty." _It's not that hard to remember_. "It's barely one, Addison."

"_I know, I don't want to feed them too close to when they need to work out_."

Zed snorted. "I'd hardly count what they do as working out."

Addison giggled, and he leaned back in his chair, smiling. He could see her giggling, twirling her hair on her finger and biting her lip, already knowing that he's going to make more jokes and that she can't laugh too loud.

"_They can't be _that _bad._"

"Nicky scores a safety for the other team at least twice a game."

Addison let out a burst of laughter, which was cut off but what he assumed was Addison covering her mouth. Zed lazily smiled, combing his fingers through his hair. "_Don't bully my son! He's trying his best!_"

Zed snorted. "If he wants to play football he's got a whole legend to live up to," he said. "Being the son of a four time state champion and all."

"_Three time,_" she corrected. "_Someone broke his ankle and couldn't play half the game._"

"We still won!"

Addison laughed and said, "_I thought we agreed to not live vicariously through our children?_"

Zed chuckled. "I'll have you know that Nicky _and_ Lily both choose football of their own free will," a pause, then he joked, "after watching hours of old game footage of yours truly."

Laughter bubbles out of Addison in short bursts. He could practically see her shaking her head. Somewhere in the distance, he heard one of the kids call for Addison. "_Okay I gotta go back to 'mom-ing.' Pick you up at five_."

"I'll just meet you at the community center, it's not too far a walk."

"_Oh okay. See you later_."

The call ended and Zed sighed. He couldn't deny it; the chemistry between him and Addison was still there, there was no getting rid of it. He would have to act cool until he decided for himself that she was worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

Addison knew how boring it would be to watch her children practice, so she raided Zed's bedroom, taking a book he had hidden in his closet with her to the community center. To her surprise, it was one of her old, _old_ books, from a college reading assignment. She was a little surprised that it was still there, even though she was the one that hid it there and, from the looks of it, Zed didn't know about her hidden stuff. Or he was too busy or lazy to move it.

She wanted a way to hide, in case there were people she knew there. Zed didn't tell her if other parents would be watching their kids, and she wasn't sure what their reactions would be. She knew some of Nicky's friends' parents from before, and was fairly certain that she—and Zed and her family—would be the talk of the town once word got out that she was back. And that was the furthest thing from what she wanted. All she wanted was to return quietly and go back to normal life. She needed something stable for once, where she could finally be happy.

Of course, that could only happen in a perfect world.

Once they got there, Aidan ran off to his dance class and Nicky and Lily dragged Addison to the outdoor field. They dumped their bags with her and ran out onto the field. Addison got situated in the stands, scanning over the field and the other people in the stands. She spotted Zack Shelif's moms down in the front row, having a hushed conversation; Arnie Banks's dad shouting down at the field, both angry and enthusiastic in a frightening way (she couldn't imagine what he wasn't like when practice would actually start, and the thought of him at games made her shudder); and even Lexi Colbourn—one of Addison's old friends who had a son a few weeks before Addison had Lily—was sitting on the other end of the stands.

Addison had the urge to slide over and get reacquainted with her old friend. Lexi was her favorite pregnancy buddy. And, after the babies were born, they would have playdates with Lily and Luke, which would end with the babies napping while the two of them talked until dinner time rolled around. But Addison knew that if she went over to Lexi, she would be faced with hundreds of questions she couldn't answer. Lexi would want to know the same things as Zed: _Why did she leave? Where did she go? Why did she come back? Did she run off with some lover? _The works. If Addison wasn't ready to tell Zed, she surely wasn't going to tell Lexi.

She lifted her book, covering most of her face and looming over the top, down at the field, where Lily and Nicky were playing catch with one of the footballs. She still had some much to learn about her kids—Nicky and Aidan were old enough to have developed their own personalities and interests, clearly. They were past the stage of doing things Zed and Addison made them do just to see if they would like it. She missed it all, too. Three years that she would never get back.

No, there was no time to be sad. She only had so much time with her kids each day. She could cry when she was in her crap room, like she did the night before.

Nicky and Lily had stopped playing catch. Lily was hiking the ball to her brother, and then running and catching his throw. Luke Colbourn went and joined them, as well as several other kids, started playing a little game, before actual practice started. Addison smiled, thinking back to high school, when cheer practice would be outside and she'd see Zed and his friends do the same thing. High school was a good time. Cheering and hanging with Zed and Eliza all of the time, having fun and just being kids.

Her smile fell, the memories of the worst times coming to mind. The screaming, the fighting, the crying. All the pain and suffering and everything that normal high schoolers should never, _ever_ have to face. She blinked back tears that threatened to break through. She refused to think about the horrors of her sophomore year and the horror of the last three years; she wouldn't cry about it anymore.

'_Just breath,_' she told herself. '_Inhale . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4. Exhale . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4._' She closed her eyes and cleared her mind. No kids, no Zed, no high school, nothing. Just herself. When all else failed, she needed to remember her sanity. It was all she had.

She's yanked out of her own head when someone gasped and shouted her name, full of shock and disbelief. She jumped and turned, just as her best friend ran toward her, nearly knocking her off the bench. Addison groaned but wrapped her arms around her friend too. It was a stretch, but she had been hoping for some semblance of a similar welcome from Zed. Oh, a girl could dream.

Addison let the hug last four seconds, then pulled away. Her best friend—whom she met in college and, since then, they were inseparable—Bree Izaki grinned at her, excitement bubbling from within. To be fair, Bree was always bubbling with excitement. That's just how she was.

"Oh my god! Addy why didn't you tell me you were back or that you left or anything! How have you been—_Where _have you been how long have you been here what—"

"Bree," Addison laughed, her head slightly spinning from the load of questions being dumped on her. Bree immediately stopped talking, plopping down next to Addison. "Slow down, I literally didn't hear anything you asked."

Bree giggled and asked, "How long have you been here? How dare you not tell me you were back!"

"I came back yesterday," Addison assured her, "and if it makes you feel any better I went straight to the house and haven't left until now."

Bree nodded. "So where were you? You've been gone for three years and all of a sudden act like everything's fine! What the heck!"

Addison's eyes dropped to her shoes, her cheeks going pink from embarrassment. "I—It's complicated."

"Then simplify it for me," Bree sympathized. She placed her hand on Addison's knee, giving her a gentle squeeze. "We're best friends. You can tell me anything, Addy. You can trust me. With anything, no matter what."

And, despite her reservations, she told her. It all started with a text from an old friend that spiraled into the shitshow that was the last three years. By the end of the story, Bree was absolutely horrified, and guilty. "That's awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that by yourself."

"I had to," Addison assured her. "I didn't want the kids to go through that. Or Zed…"

Bree's face lit up with realization. "Does he know?"

Addison shook her head immediately. "Never." At Bree's surprised look, she explained, "Firstly because, because I know I hurt him. By leaving. And he had no reason to forgive me and let me back in his life. And he is. Well, kind of. But I don't want to tell him and force him to love me, because he feels bad for me. I've never wanted that, Bree. I just want him to love me for me. And I want to earn his trust and his love back. Whatever it takes."

"But…But what if he doesn't? Because you won't tell him?"

Addison twisted her fingers together, looking out onto the field. Practice had started a long time ago, just around the time that Bree had shown up. It was hard to spot either of her kids on the field at this point.

"We made a deal this morning," she explained. "I asked for a chance to prove myself. If he doesn't trust me, then I'll leave for good, and I…I'll terminate my parental rights for the kids. And I'll get the divorce papers and be out of their lives for good."

Addison glanced at Bree, her soft and sad eyes tugged at her heartstrings. Bree understood how much the deal was hurting Addison, the prospect of having to leave her family broke her heart. Addison's eyes watered the longer she looked at her best friend, but she could pull her eyes away.

"Oh Addy," Bree's soft voice sympathized. She pulled Addison into a hug, rubbing her back soothingly. "Don't worry, okay? I know Zed. He would never make you do that."

Her resolve broke, the flood gates bursting. All day she had been regretting telling Zed that she would terminate her parental rights if he wanted her too. She spent the whole day thinking about the possibility of Zed coming home and telling her to leave and never come back. She would have to pack up all the stuff she left there—if they were even there still—and move somewhere, far away from her family. Just the thought made her stomach hurt, but all she could do was hope that Zed would have some mercy on her and allow her this chance.

"I don't wanna leave again, I-I can't," she whispered between sobs.

"You won't," Bree assured her. "He may not act like it, but he's so happy that you're back. That you're okay, and alive, and you chose him. He's scared, you know how he is."

Addison sniffed, pulling away from her best friend. She wiped her cheeks furiously until her cheeks were raw and sore. "I just…I wish things could be easy," she sighed, sounding defeated. "I just want everything to go back to normal."

Bree frowned, giving her a knowing, motherly, 'Are you kidding?' look. "Things can't just go back to normal," Bree said. "I mean, I feel Zed. You left without a trace, without telling us anything. It hurt our relationship, none of us can forget that. But instead of trying to forgive and forget, you can keep doing what you're doing; showing us—showing _Zed_—that you're worth it. Because you are."

Addison jutted out a lip. "I hate you."

"You love me, now go clean up before people start thinking someone died."

* * *

Bree, ever the gem, filled Addison in on all the gossip since Addison had left. And boy could she talk. It seemed as if she didn't even stop to breathe. Addison listened to her stories for the better part of two hours, her friend's voice fading to background noise as she watched her children play. This was it, this was the life she was supposed to live, the life she had worked so hard for, the life she was finally getting. Sitting with her best friend, watching her kids play, and thinking about what to make for dinner.

When it was drawing closer to five, Aidan came and joined them in the stands. Bree hadn't finished her story (she wasn't even close to halfway) but they both watch Aidan show off his moves. He's pretty good, for eight years old.

"Daddy said that you used to dance," Aidan pointed out.

Addison scoffed, though she couldn't really believe that Zed was talking about her to their kids. They were kids, of course they would ask dozens of questions, some of which had to be about her. But she never expected that random fact from decades ago to be relevant.

"I haven't done ballet since I was thirteen," Addison said.

Aidan frowned, tilting his head in confusion. "How old are you?"

Bree made a surprised and amused noise that she managed to cover with a cough. Still, Addison gave her the stink eye, before saying to her son, "Same age as Daddy."

Aidan's jaw dropped. "_You're fifty!?_"

Addison blanched. She didn't look fifty! Hell, _Zed_ didn't look fifty!

Like a saving grace, Zed said from behind her, "I am _not_ fifty."

Addison jumped and turned, gesturing between Zed and Aidan in an '_exactly!_' gesture. "I'm only thirty-two, Shortstack," Zed said.

Aidan made a sour face and said, "That's old."

Bree cackled and Addison shot a glare at her friend, her anger only faltering at the sight of James (Bree's husband). When did he get there?

"I dunno," Bree managed between laughs. "She looks pretty good for thirty-two."

It's decided, Addison was gonna kill Bree. Once her son wasn't around, she'd do it.

Aidan looked confused, but was easily distracted by the whistle down on the field, which Addison soon figured out meant the end of practice. He ran away from them, disappearing inside and, several seconds later, showing up on the field. Addison frowned as she watched him run to his siblings, then turned to her hus—to _Zed_, and said, "Your son is very weird."

Zed chuckled, raising an eyebrow at her. "He's always my son when he's being weird."

Addison patted his stomach. "You knew the deal when you put them in me, old man."

He chuckled and shook his head. "You're too much, Addison."

She smiled, glad that they were finally getting along again. Sure, talking with him on the phone had been great, but she wasn't sure if that lightness would carry over when they talked in person again. The tension left her body and she relaxed; Zed was giving her a chance, a real chance.


	5. Chapter 5

When Zed left his bedroom Tuesday morning, Addison was already in the kitchen, cutting up fruit to go with some bagel spread. At least that's what he assumed it was. A long long time ago (like five years) Addison had made breakfast that ended up being a bowl of fruit. Which wasn't breakfast, at all. It resulted in a never ending argument, which was settled by Zed eating a bagel whenever she wanted a bowl of fruit for breakfast.

"Did you make the schedule?" Addison asked.

Zed shook his head, slowly chewing the bread in his mouth and swallowing thickly before saying, "Didn't have time. I'll do it today though. Nicky will know what to do. Everything happens at the community center anyway."

Addison nodded, picking at her fruit. "Is there any reason why, or just because?"

"Because there's a school bus from the elementary school to the community center, which Nicky and Aidan take on school days. And Madeline drops Lily off, and they all stay there until I get off work."

Addison nodded. "That's a good system," she commented.

Zed hummed in agreement. He took another bite of his food, and when he looked back up, Addison was staring at him, as if she had more to say. Naturally, he stared back, his face crinkled in a questioning way.

"What?"

"I dunno, why were you staring at me?" Zed asked.

"Oh!" Her cheeks turned red and she looked down at her breakfast. "Well I was just thinking…and wondering…and imagining…"

Zed raised an eyebrow at her and she glanced at him, moving her hair behind her ear nervously. "How things would be different, if I hadn't left," she mumbled. "It's so stupid, I'm sorry."

"No, keep talking, I'm curious."

"I just…I haven't stopped thinking about you—and the kids—and I just, I dunno, it's hard to explain." She shrugged, slightly uncomfortable, picking at her fruit. "You look different. Older, wiser, more tired."

"Uh, thank you?"

"It's a good different," she said. "I mean, you're still very hot, Mr. Firefighter, and you don't look fifty, even though Aidan would disagree." Zed chuckled and a small smile flashed across her face. "You just look, different."

"Not how you were expecting?"

She shook her head. "To be honest, I thought you'd grow a beard."

Zed snorted, and laughed, shaking his head. "I'm serious," Addison said, laughing.

"I'd look ridiculous!"

"I think you'd look hot."

"I have a baby face," he argued.

"Not true, Aidan thinks your fifty."

"I'm never gonna live that down, am I?"

Addison giggled, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "Never."

It fell silent between them, a slightly awkward but still somewhat comfortable. Zed mostly felt awkward because he had no idea what to talk about, besides her being gone, which he knew she _didn't_ want to talk about. And, usually when he didn't know what to talk about, he'd talk about his kids, because they rocked. But he figured that telling her stories would be worse than pressuring her about where she had been. And he was all about the baby steps it'd take to fix their relationship.

"So yesterday," Addison started, breaking the silence, "Lily was really struggling with her workbook. And then Nicky was like 'ask Mommy cuz she taught kindergarten.' And now I'm curious if you sent her to preschool."

"All our kids went to preschool," he stated. "Think I forgot about all the basic things we wanted for them?" He internally pinched himself, because it came out sounding ruder than he had meant.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. She ducked her head down, letting her hand snake up her neck. Zed sighed, wanting to reach across the table and grab her free hand and just…hold it. He didn't even know what to do or say instead of the obvious, affectionate way.

So he didn't say or do anything.

* * *

_**NEW EMAIL: 9 New Deposits!**_

Zed frowned at his phone. It was Tuesday, he wouldn't get paid until Thursday. Besides his job, he was the only one who could deposit into his account. Unless someone had sent him money. But nine times? That didn't make sense. The only other explanation could be…_Addison_.

He snatched up his phone and unlocked it, opening the email. He scanned over the words, his eyes going wide at the sight of several _hundred _thousand dollars.

"What the fuck?" he muttered. Why was he getting so much money from so many different people? The numbers were insane, and when he did the math, it all ended up being more than eight hundred thousand dollars.

"Language." Bonzo's voice over his shoulder made him jump in surprise, his phone fumbling out of his hands. Bonzo breathed out a chuckle. "What's got you cursing, man?"

Zed thought about telling him, and was truly about to. Then he remembered that Bonzo wasn't too fond of Addison right now (rightfully) and even the implication of her—even if they weren't sure what the money was for—would make him slightly upset. Plus, if he ignored the money, then when the money went away, he wouldn't be disappointed. Clearly there was a mistake, there was no way he, or Addison, could have gotten eight hundred and seventy-one thousand dollars. He hadn't even made that much in his entire career, without taxes and expenses and anything.

"Nothing," he assured him. "I just—Jason sent me a video, of Lily scoring a touchdown during practice yesterday by outrunning the eight year olds and—yeah."

Bonzo smiled and said, "Lily's awesome. Lunch?"

Zed nodded, giving him a forced smile, then shut off his phone and got out of his chair. "Yeah, I'm starving."

* * *

Since there was no football on Tuesday, Bonzo went straight home to his family. Zed's kids were at the community center doing other extracurriculars—Nicky was taking guitar lessons, Aidan still had ballet, and Lily was in an arts class. He led a workout during the afternoon until it came time for him to leave, when he finished a report about a small electrical fire at an apartment building last week, then waited outside for Addison.

He didn't bring up the money for several hours. Not until after the kids went to sleep, and it was just the two of them. If things went south—like they usually did when it came to talking about finances—the kids didn't need to hear or see it. Even if they didn't understand what they were talking about, they were old enough and smart enough to tell something was wrong.

The wait was long and tortuous. He hated having to pretend something wasn't bothering him all day, and the anxiety toward what might happen made the day feel even longer. Every minute lasted ten, at least in his head. _Finally_, they got the boys in bed and in their room, which hopefully meant they would be asleep.

Addison and Zed went back to the kitchen to finish cleaning the dishes. They worked in silence; Addison washing and Zed drying. Zed thought back to years ago, when they'd stand at the sink just like that, talking about their days and complaining about some coworker or some stupid parents. Those were good times.

He shook his head. He needed to stop reminiscing, and focus on the present, and future. He wanted this whole arrangement to work between them. He wanted Addison in his life, in their _kids' _lives. Things wouldn't get better if he kept thinking about their past.

"How was your day?" he asked her.

Addison paused, turning her head to look at him. He kept up a casual look, knowing he had specific things he wanted to talk about but also knowing that he couldn't just ask out of the gate.

"It was good," she said, turning her attention back to the chores. "I didn't do much. You?"

Zed shrugged. "Pretty chill," he said. "I didn't leave the station. Slow summer so far."

"Isn't that good though?"

"I mean yeah, but I hate having to sit at my desk all day." He shrugged again. "I mean I got to lead the workout today. But it was pretty boring otherwise."

Addison tilted her head up at him, raised an amused eyebrow. "You're a firefighter, your job is far from boring."

"Well, something interesting did happen." Addison face turned curious and he applauded himself, on the inside. '_Smooth, Necrodopolus._'

"It wasn't work related though," he added. "But I got an email. From the bank. A couple of different deposits in our account."

Her eyes went wide for a split second, and she was quick to avert her gaze away from him. Still, he noticed the way her shoulders tensed and she faltered in her washing.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," he said. "Weird, since I don't get paid for several more days, and I also don't get paid by several different accounts."

"Yeah…that's really weird."

Okay, so he needed to be more direct. He could do that. "Would you know anything about where all this money came from?"

Addison shrugged, which was a resounding yes. He nodded to himself. Now he just needed to clear a few things up.

"Do you know where it came from?"

"I wasn't doing _nothing _for three years," she muttered—more accurately _snapped_—at him.

He furrowed his eyebrows. He had been cautious to avoid this—her getting offended. What has he said wrong that set her off?

"I'm just curious, wanna make sure there's no dirty money under my name."

"Well, it's my account too," she grumbled.

He bit the inside of his cheek. Arguing would get them nowhere, and he needed answers. He just needed a new approach.

"It's just a little weird. I haven't even made that much in, like, my whole career, and you just get all that in three years? With a bachelors in education."

Addison didn't respond, but Zed noticed the vigor she started using to scrub the dishes. She was definitely angry, but carefully avoiding answering him. And she started playing the victim. "I'm just supporting my family is all," she said. "I'm not, like a leech."

"I just want to know where the money came from," he clarified.

Addison shrugged. "I'm more worried about our lack of food. I've been doing a lot of cooking and we are seriously low on everything. Do you still go shopping on Saturday?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"I'm asking a question," she stated. "You never did give me a schedule."

Zed stared her down, counting backwards from ten. By the time he reached one, he realized that, even if she was refusing to tell him the truth, he needed _something_. He had to protect his family at all costs.

"Addison, where did the money come from?" Zed asked. "Just tell me it was good, clean, and legal, and we'll be fine. You don't have to tell me how you got it or anything. Just tell me the cops won't show up and arrest me."

She frowned, and said, "They won't, I promise."

"Okay." He nodded. "Okay then."

Addison put the dish in her hand down, turning her head and frowning at him. "That's it?"

"Well what more do you want from me, Addison? You keep refusing to tell me anything, and I'm trying to be nice and respect whatever boundaries you all of a sudden have with your husband, and now you're asking why I don't want to know more? Like, what the hell?"

Addison flinched, hard, taking a whole step away from. She cowered within herself, actually looking afraid. Of him?

"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes scanning his face.

Zed closed his eyes and sighed. He was getting nowhere with her, with _everything_.

"Let's just…I'll finish the dishes. See you tomorrow, Addison."

She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but ended up nodding and drying her hands, then letting herself out. Zed closed his eyes and groaned. This woman would be the death of him.

* * *

While he was brushing his teeth, a roll of thunder boomed so loud it made the house shake. He groaned inwardly, knowing this meant that Lily would wake up soon, afraid of the storm and end up spending the night in his bed. And then Aidan would come knocking too. And, once he finally got comfortable with his two children hogging his bed, Nicky would come and disturb the peace.

When he woke up the next morning, the rain had let up a little and he took the liberty to move his kids back to their beds. None of them woke up, which was amazing considering how many times he either almost dropped them or banged one of their body parts into a piece of furniture.

Once he got _that_ taken care of, he brushed his teeth and got dressed for work. The good majority of his good socks were in the laundry. He groaned, making the split decision that he'd rather wear socks with a random hole in the sole than run a quick leash, for some socks. He could wait until Saturday. Hell, he could probably rewear the ones he's worn earlier in the week.

He sighed, shaking his head. '_Need new socks,' _he thought to himself, making a mental note. And if he needed more clothing, he could only imagine what he'd have to replace for the kids. At least he had some money laying around, good clean money, according to Addison.

And he'd have to go to the bank soon and sort that all out. Double check with Addison that it was all good, put most of it away in savings, _maybe_ get her a replacement bank card. Honestly, she could get one herself, but if he went today I'd be a nice surprise for her.

'_Family day this week can be a mall day_,' he decided. He inwardly patted himself on the back, finishing getting dressed and headed down for breakfast. He had heard Addison enter while he was putting the kids back in their beds. He got downstairs and she had her head stuck in the fridge. "Morning Addison," he greeted.

She hummed, pulling her head out of the fridge and smiling at him. "Hi," she said breathlessly. "Do you…wanna talk about last night?"

Zed frowned, noticing the way she swayed and held the door of the refrigerator like her life depended on it. He started noticing other things too, like the light flush of her skin and the dampness of her hair and clothes. She swayed, her eyes fluttered and then she was falling to the ground. Zed rushes forward, sliding to his knees and getting his arms out just before she hit the ground. She was cold, or at least her clothes were. Cold and damp. He brought his hand up and tapped her face until her eyes started fluttering open again.

"Addy? Are you okay? Of course not, stupid questions." He shook his head, thinking quickly. "Okay, um, hospital. Hospital is a good plan."

"Hm? Wha…"

He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead and cursed under his breath. "Jesus, Addy, you're burning up!"

She hummed, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch. "Your hand's soft," she mumbled. Definitely delirious.

"Addison, why are your clothes and hair wet?" he asked.

She curled into him, practically snuggling with him. "Got rained on last night. Mm, you're warm."

"You got—okay, let's get you in some dry, _warm_ clothes. Then doctor."

"I don't need the doctor," she mumbled.

Zed scoffed, adjusting his hold on her and lifting her up. He huffed as he stood up and she curled into him again. "Warm clothes," he told her. "Shower. Do you want a shower?"

"Nuh uh," she whined. "I wanna stay with you. Don't make me leave, Zed."

He started toward the stairs. "I won't, Addy. But tell me how you got rained on. It didn't start raining until way after you left."

"Slept on a bench, got rained on." She shrugged and sighed.

He furrowed his brows as he climbed the stairs. She slept on a bench? Had she been homeless the whole time? Why hadn't she said anything to him? He would have given her the couch, or maybe even let her have the bed! Okay, that was a stretch. But he certainly wouldn't let her sleep on the street. She must have spent the whole night, in a thunderstorm, on some bench.

He carried her into his room, using his foot to pull out the stool from in front of the counter and sat her down. She groaned, putting her head down on the counter. He went to his drawer, rummaging through his clothes until he pulled out one of his work shirts and tossed it to Addison.

"Take off anything that's wet. I will be…right back."

"Mhm," she hummed.

He jogged out of the room and down the stairs, making a beeline for the basement. He didn't need to turn on the lights to find the box with all her old stuff. He grabbed the one he knew her clothes were in and went back upstairs, taking it to his room. Addison's damp clothes were scattered on the floor and she was now curled on the bed—on her side of the bed—in nothing but his shirt. Literally, _nothing but his shirt_, and no blanket and, well nothing.

He dropped the box on top of the dresser and knelt down beside her. She opened her eyes and he sighed. "How do you feel? Do you wanna go to the doctor? I've got some of your old clothes here if you want."

She smiled and said, "You're cute when you're worried. I didn't think you would worry about me."

He gave her a slight smile, then pressed his hand to her forehead again. "God, let me take your temperature."

She nodded and closed her eyes. Zed sighed and stood up, leaving the room and going to main bathroom that the kids used. He grabbed the thermometer from the medicine cabinet and headed back. Addison watched him as he waited for the thermometer to beep and he read the little numbers—_102.7_.

"Is it bad?" Addison asked in a quiet voice.

"Not yet," he muttered. "Let's get some pants on you and get you to the doctor."

"Can I just stay here and sleep?" she mumbled. "I won't be a bother, I promise. I'm tired is all. I'll be fine in a few hours. Eat some cereal, go to work, all will be good."

There was a roll of thunder that drew his attention out the window to the darkened skies. He gave it an hour tops before the kids would wake up because of the storm, hungry and bored. Addison was in no condition to look after them, or be left alone at all. He'd have to take the day off to look after the kids and Addison.

He stroked her forehead, giving her a soft smile. "Rest up, Addy. I'll go find you some medicine, okay?"

"Mkay."

"Have you eaten today? Of course not you've been sleeping in the street where would you get food." He shook his head and muttered, "Stupid."

"You're not stupid, just really worried," she mumbled. "Remember when Aidan was…nine months, and he got sick? We both freaked out so hard."

Zed smiled at the memory. "That kid is a mess."

"You love him though, you love all of them," she said. She sighed and he moved her hair behind her ear, letting his hand rest on the side of her face.

"You love them too, I know you do," he whispered with a smile. "Go to sleep. I've got it today, Adds."

She hummed and closed her eyes. "Goodnight, Z."

Zed waited until her breathing evened out to stand up, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.


	6. Chapter 6

When Addison woke up, she had a dying urge to use the bathroom. She was vaguely aware of the fact that Zed had been in and out of the room, checking on her and getting her to eat. Or maybe her brain was making it all up to explain why she had to use the bathroom. Either way, she needed to pee.

It was dark out and when she looked at the alarm clock, she saw it was after nine. She had been asleep for fourteen hours, more or less, and she wasn't even surprised. On the bright side, she was feeling a lot better. The wonders Zed's bed did to her. And his clothes and his comfort and care. Everything about Zed was warm and inviting. For the first time in years, she felt at home.

'_Bathroom_,' she wondered, looking around the room. The obvious choice was the en suite, but she figured she shouldn't overstep her boundaries. That was Zed's bathroom, after all.

She slid out of bed and walked toward the door, opening it slowly so as to not make any noise. By this time, the kids would be asleep. Zed would be too, but he also wasn't in bed. He was probably in the kitchen, cleaning or eating or something.

The second she pulled the door open, she was met with bare chest—very muscular bare chest that belonged to none other than her husband. Bare chest that shone with water droplets. The definition of his chest made her mouth dry—which did not help with her already dry throat. She bit her lip, her eyes drifting down to see he was in nothing but a towel (a small towel). Heat blossomed in her cheeks (and in other places) and she quickly looked up at him with wide eyes and a flushed face.

Luckily, he looked equally surprised. "Addison? What're you doing up?"

"I—Uh—I had to pee," she stammered.

"You know there's a bathroom in here?"

"Yeah I just—I figured that—never mind."

Zed chuckled, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. He stepped around her, moving to his drawers. "Okay, so do you feel any better?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," she said, turning around to give him her attention. "Slept like a baby."

"I'd hope so, you slept for like, two days."

Wait. She blinked in surprise, her joking smile falling from her face. "Excuse me?"

"It's Thursday night, Addy," he stated. "You didn't sleep for two days _straight_, you woke up to eat and use the bathroom, but I doubt you were awake awake."

"You let me sleep for two days?"

He shrugged, throwing her a smile. "Figured you needed a good rest, since you've apparently been sleeping on a bench."

She bit her lip and glanced away. She didn't recall telling him that secret. He wasn't supposed to know about that; she didn't want him to know she was struggling without a place to live or clothes to wear or anything. If he knew, he'd let his sympathy for her override his decisions. God, why did he have to be such a good person!

"Um, thank you. Sorry for taking over your room."

"Well technically speaking it's our room," he muttered just loud enough for her to hear.

She looked at him, comeback ready on her tongue, when she realized he had dropped his towel and was bent over his drawer. She let out an odd squeak, covering her face and making him laugh.

"You're naked!" she protested, making him laugh harder.

"Are you serious?" he laughed. "I'm pretty sure you've seen me naked many times, Addison! I mean, at least three."

She just spluttered in response, unable to formulate proper words. What had she been saying to him that got him so…_comfortable _around her? She knew if he got alcohol in her she could reveal some wild shit, but she never realized that her being sick would be worse.

"You can uncover your eyes now," he told her. Still, she peaked between her fingers to see he was wearing boxers and pulling up pajama bottoms.

"This is really weird coming from the woman who's not wearing any panties," he told her.

"You're lying."

He shook his head, still smiling. "I'm not. Oh, I washed the clothes you came in yesterday. If you want them. Or you can steal some more of mine. Whichever you prefer. Are you sleeping in here tonight?"

"Uh—"

"I mean I doubt you want to sleep you've been asleep for two days basically," he said. "How do you feel? Are you hungry?"

"I…have to pee. I'll be right back."

Addison turned and stopped when Zed called out her name. "Addy, you can use the bathroom in here," he told her.

She blushed and nodded, ducking her head down and walking quickly to the bathroom. She took the minute she spent in there to scold herself. She couldn't remember much of her two days being sick, but she did know that things had gotten better between her and Zed. He was being friendly and cracking jokes with her, one of the many things she always loved about him and that she missed in the few days she had been back.

She was finally getting what she wanted, and what she came for, now all she needed to do was not act so surprised.

She left the bathroom and Zed was sitting on top of one of the dressers, on his phone. He looked up and turned it off when he heard the bathroom door open, and he gave her a smile.

"You never answered if you felt better," he said.

"I do, a lot better, thank you," Addison said as she walked over to him. "Sorry. For just, like, passing out on you. And then sleeping for two whole days."

"It's fine," he shrugged. "I just used a sick day yesterday. No big deal, I never use all of them anyway."

She pouted, knowing that sick days were reserved for the kids birthdays, the first day of school, and other school events. And he only had, like, twelve sick days a year.

"Don't get all pouty, it's seriously fine," he told her. "I got to spend all day with the kids too. I don't usually see them on Wednesdays."

"Well okay," she said.

"Now onto important matters," he said. He reached behind himself, grabbing some cloth thing and tossing it at her. She squealed, unrolling it and seeing it was her underwear.

"Zed!" she cried indignantly.

"Newsflash Addison, I've also seen you naked at least…six times."

She frowned and asked, "Why have I seen you naked at least three but you've seen me named at least six?"

"Once to conceive the children, once to birth them. Times three kids…I mean I'm usually bad at math, but I think that's pretty simple."

She frowned, her cheeks tinged pink. She turned and pulled on her underwear, nearly falling over from how fast she was trying to do it. When she turned back, Zed was holding back his laughter.

"I hate you," she grumbled.

"Sure," he chuckled. "So about this sleeping situation." Addison sat down on the bed across from him, crossing her legs underneath her. "There's no way you're sleeping on a bench."

Addison nodded, understanding where he was coming from. the last time she slept on the bench, she got sick, passed out, the works.

"You can get the bed again tonight," he said. "There's no way I'm sleeping there after you've been sick for two days."

"Tomorrow I'll wash the sheets and you can have your bed back."

"Then you will be sleeping on the couch," he decided.

Addison nodded, running her hands through her hair. Zed yawned and she realized how late it was. She wasn't sure if he had gone to work that day, but between taking care of her and the three kids, he must have been exhausted. He should have the bed tonight…but he did make it clear that he didn't want to sleep in the sick sheets.

"You should go to bed," she said.

"Are you kidding? I'm not even tired." And then he yawned again. He opened his eyes to see her giving him a knowing look and he shook his head. "Okay, point taken." He stood up, stretching upward. "I'll get you some more medicine that should knock you out for a few more hours. And knock out whatever's been messing with you."

Addison stood up too, smiling. "I'll come too, so you don't have to come back here."

They both heads to the kids' bathroom, grabbing the night time cold and flu medicine and heading downstairs to where all the medicine cups were. Everything was messy—you'd and books were still laying out all over the floor, and the kitchen table was covered in papers and envelopes—but it was the kind of lovely messy that she loved. It instilled the homey vibes she had been missing the past few years, the feeling she had been craving ever since she left. The playing pretend, the dress up games, the singalongs and the dance parties.

It would happen. It was happening. Now, or sometime soon. But it would happen, she was sure of it.

She took her medicine under Zed's supervision, which she knew he was supposed to do for the kids. And she wasn't a kid, so she didn't understand why he was standing over her. Once it was all gone, she rinsed out the medicine cup and set it to dry, then they wordlessly walked into the living room. The couch had a grey sheet thrown over it and a pillow, as well as a thinly woven blanket that Zed's sister had made and given them when Addison was pregnant with Nicky.

Zed sighed, giving her a slight smile and wrapping an arm around her, pulling her into his side. "Goodnight, Addison," he said. She smiled to herself, turning herself into his side. "If you can't fall asleep, I'm sure there are some books in there."

"Okay," she mumbled. "G'night."

* * *

The typical firefighter would work twenty four hours, then take forty eight hours to rest, and that was their schedule, because fires weren't a typical nine to five job. Zed worked ten hours for four consecutive days, which was about the same amount of hours as his coworkers. He got Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays off. Addison knew that when she was there, he would work twelve hour shifts of the same schedule, but understood the adjustments he had to make without her there. Someone needed to cook and look after the kids.

She didn't sleep much that night, mostly because she had slept so much the days before, and was up earlier than she needed to be. She went around the kitchen, making breakfast as silently as possible so she didn't wake Zed up. Who was on the couch. When she had finished making pancakes and had left them to keep warm in the microwave, she went into the living room, taking a seat on the floor in front of Zed. She was tempted to wake the sleeping man up, after all it was already nine. But, well, he looked really adorable stretched out, snoring softly with his hair a ruffled mess. That was a face she loved waking up to every morning. Fixing his hair for him and kissing his cheeks as he sighed sleepily. She sighed herself. What a man.

Aside from looking undeniably adorable, he also incredibly uncomfortable. He had one leg hanging over the side and the other was hanging off of one of the armrests. He was way too long to sleep on the couch. Hell, he was too long for a regular bed. He would usually curl around her, claiming it was so they could both fit, even though there was so much bed space. She didn't mind though. The only time they didn't cuddle in bed was when one of their kids would invade their bed.

"Addison," he mumbled sleepily. "I can feel you watching me."

She blushed, her eyes widening in surprise. He opened his eyes and smiled at her. "Don't worry, I've been up since you started cooking. And I'm hungry as hell."

"That's not a nice word," she said cheekily.

He rolled his eyes, sitting up and stretching. "Not like there are any kids around," he yawned. "What's you make? It smells really good."

"Pancakes." she said. "We are now officially out of eggs."

Zed furrowed his brows at her. "I did not think the biggest problem with you being here would be running out of food," he stated. Addison giggled, embarrassed, her hand going instantly to playing with her hair.

"Tomorrow we can go grocery shopping," Zed said. He watched her for a moment, his eyes moving as if he were debating what to say to her. He patted the spot next to him and Addison stood up, moving to the couch.

"I'm not gonna ask where you were or what you were doing, but I do have some questions for you."

"Okay?"

"We've already established that you're staying here now," he said, "and I'm guessing you don't own anything other than the clothes you were wearing."

"I have a backpack," she said, shrugging sheepishly. "Just got some documents on it…nothing else."

Zed nodded, staring at the wall. "Okay, well I was thinking of using Family Day as a mall day, but maybe we can just go tomorrow while the kids are at practice, get some things for you, then go Sunday and buy the kids some things. Since, you know, we've got some extra money laying around."

Addison nodded. "How long are the kids gonna be away tomorrow?"

"Well Lily has a game at three, so her practice will start at noon. But Nicky and Aidan start around eleven, so Lily usually hangs out with them too."

"And what do you do?"

"Chores." Addison's nose wrinkled in disgust, making him chuckle. "What's wrong with chores!" he exclaimed, laughing.

"What isn't!" Zed laughed more and Addison scoffed, crossing her arms. "I never thought I'd hear _you_ liking chores."

"I definitely don't like chores, but they're a nice break from work." He shrugged. "The kids aren't here, the laundry smells nice, and the house looks so good once it's done."

Addison chuckled, shaking her head. Zed elbowed her side, giving her a playful smile, making her giggle. She wasn't sure what sparked this playfulness, but she wouldn't question it. It was the Zed she remembered, the Zed who didn't hate her guts, the Zed who was warming up to her, and allowing her back into his life.

"I'm gonna go wake up the kids," he said. He stood up and Addison did the same, the two of them walking toward the stairs. "If they aren't already sitting and waiting in their rooms at the smell of food."

"You sound like you're complaining, yet you're exactly the same," she pointed out.

He stuck his tongue out at her as he went up the stairs, leaving her with an amused smile as she went back to the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

Zed had convinced Bree to watch the kids so he and Addison could get an early mall start. Bree would only have to watch them for about an hour before she would take them all to practice, and Nicky and Aidan loved hanging out with Amira. In return, Zed invited the Izaki's over for dinner. It was a triple win. He could hang out with Addison, he got the kids off his hands, and he would get to hang out with Bree and Bonzo later. That last one was much needed, since Bonzo didn't quite understand why Zed was giving Addison a chance. Once he saw them together and at home, and Addison with the kids, he'd understand.

After he dropped the kids off at Bree's, he found Addison up in his room, rifling through his closet. They had gone through her old clothes in the basement the night before, discovering most of them were either her old work clothes—since she had taken a lot of her casual clothes with her when she left and didn't return with any of the—or they were too small, as in they either wouldn't go past her head, or were too tight around her boobs, or didn't go all the way down like they were supposed to, so Zed had graciously allowed her to raid his closet. Plus, he knew how much Addison enjoyed stealing his clothes and wearing them.

"I'm back," he announced as he entered his room. "I'm ready to go whenever you are."

Addison turned around, one of his old firehouse shirts in her hands. "I'm ready," she said, pulling on the shirt. Her head popped out, her blonde hair now a frizzy, ruffled mess.

He crossed the room, taking it upon himself to fix her hair to the best of his ability. "What a mess," he teased, making her giggle.

"I could've just brushed it," she told him.

"But I have way more style than you," he countered, stepping back to admire his work. He gestured to her outfit, saying, "You're wearing a men's medium that basically goes down to your knees with dark wash jeans. Dark wash! It's ridiculous, Addison."

She laughed, walking past him to the door and he followed behind, the two of them heading downstairs. "I'll have much more style once I get actual clothes," she said.

"Please. Would you bring me along if you had style?"

She smiled over her shoulder at him and said, "I'm only bringing you 'cause you're paying."

Zed rolled his eyes at her, grinning. Addison opened the front door and Zed grabbed the keys from where they were hanging up, closing the door and unlocking the car. Addison went down while Zed locked the door, then he jogged to the driver's side, sliding into his seat. Addison had already started the engine and was fiddling with the radio.

"Stop that," Zed reprimanded, batting her hand away, then buckling up. "The radio presets are fine."

Addison scoffed, shaking her head. "You have terrible taste in music."

"Says the girl who jumped at the opportunity to write a song with me in music class."

"That was only because I really liked you and you could play piano."

Zed fake-frowned, looking at her from the corner of his eye. They both took music appreciation when they were juniors, which was around the time that Zed started to realize his feelings toward her weren't one-sided. And to further confirm it, they ended up writing a love duet for their quarter project. Which, by the way, wasn't how they ended up dating. No, actual dating came much later in the year.

"Of course you liked me, I was a super hot football man who could play music."

Addison shook her head, clicking her tongue. "What happened?" she mused.

Zed gaped at her and she laughed in his face, turning her attention out the window. "Let's go Stringbean! To the mall!"

Zed chuckled, his heart fluttering at the mention of his old nickname. It wasn't super creative and it had annoyed him the first few times she'd used it but it was _hers_, her nickname for him that only she was ever allowed to use. It was how she referred to him in her wedding vows, what she'd say to soothe him when he was panicking because Nicky was coming two weeks ahead of schedule and neither of them were as ready as they thought they would be, or when she'd give him a massage after a particularly tough day of work. It slipped off her tongue smoother than butter, and hearing her say it now made him realize that everything was going to be okay. Things were going to work out between them.

* * *

The first stop was the bank, where they moved money around, ordered a new card, and updated their old pin. It was long and boring, but they needed to get the worst stuff done, knowing it was better to get interrupted shopping than doing business, since they'd both have to be at the community center at five for Lily's game. Zed couldn't help but peak over and watch as Addison rearranged her wallet, seeing the edges of a folded picture he vaguely recognized stuffed behind her license. He made out a whitish background and little edges of green before she was closing her wallet again, putting it back into her purse.

They walked from the bank to their cell provider's store, which was luckily in the same plaza. Addison managed to get the same phone number, and Zed snatched her new phone from her hands and took an adorable selfie together, where she's giving him a slightly annoyed, still amused look with her nose scrunched up in an adorable way, while Zed stuck his tongue out at the camera. It was such a…Zed and Addison picture, it made his heart flutter.

"I had to christen it for you," he explained.

"You know what else you could do to make it even better?"

"What?" Zed said, looking down at her.

The clerk returned and handed them a receipt and a bag with the phone's original box in it and Zed thanked her, turning and walking with Addison out of the store.

"Gimme…five pictures of the kids. The worst and the best. Whatever you've got, Necrodopolous."

Zed grinned, biting his tongue to keep from spitting out his usual '_Don't forget you're a Necrodopolous too_.' He was sure that technically, she was still Addison Necrodopolus, but if she or he felt she was still a Necrodopolus was still up for discussion. Instead, he raised his eyebrow and asked, "Only five?"

"Well I want some cute pictures, but too many will make me really sad," she explained. "Plus, I plan on filling up all sixty-four gigabytes with pictures of our kids." After a pause, she added, "And you, of course."

"Well you already have one," he said, smiling. She grinned, lifting her phone and taking another shaky picture with him.

"Now I have two."

* * *

Zed and Addison once went on a mall date when they were seventeen, and it was, in his opinion…odd. It was both terrible and amazing, filled with ups and downs. It was their third date, he got to hold her hand and kiss her cheek. And she used him as her personal shopping cart, which left horrible red marks all over his arms and nearly dislocated his shoulder. But on the bright side, she gave his sore arms and shoulders a massage, which started the massage tradition that, after a particularly tough day, they would give each other a massage and some light conversation.

After the first mall experience, he tried his best to not go with her alone. Sometimes he'd go when Bree and Bonzo were there, because when other people were around, they mostly hung out instead of shopped. Other then that, Zed avoided going to the mall with Addison alone. Today, he ended up with at least five heavy shopping bags on each arm, and they weren't even halfway through the mall yet.

"Can we please go to the car first?" he complained. "My arms are tired and they hurt and—"

"Stop complaining," she said, brushing him off. She looked up at the store to her right, a nice shoe store that Zed knew both Addison and Bree loved. He knew what was coming before she even said anything. "Shoes? Do I need shoes? I think I deserve some new shoes."

Zed groaned, following her into the shoe store. He couldn't blame her for binge shopping, since she _was_ spending the money she'd earned, which she didn't technically have to share. It was the least he could do to carry her bags, no matter how much he complained about it. Luckily, three pairs of sandals, two sneakers, and a pair of boots later, they were walking back to the car to put the bags away before they hit the second half of the mall.

"If being my shopping cart is so bad, we can just hit the second half tomorrow with the kids," she sympathized. "Don't want to break your arms. You kinda need those to make bank."

Zed scoffed, shaking his head. "Because I'm making so much money as a single father of three who works as a firefighter, paying off college debt, a mortgage, and a car." He shook his head, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"College?" she asked. "You didn't go to college."

Zed raised an eyebrow, giving her a few seconds to figure it out on her own. She was smart, after all. "Grab the keys while you figure it out, Addy," he said.

Addison furrowed her eyebrows, but reached into his pocket, digging around for a second before pulling out the car keys and unlocking the trunk as they approached. Addison gasped and stopped walking, and Zed spared her a glance as he continued toward the car.

"_Mine?_" she called after him.

"Yep!"

"What! That's insane!"

Zed chuckled to himself, sticking his arms into the trunk and shaking the bags off. He then straightened up, closing the trunk, and turned back to Addison, just as a large man with a greying beard walked past her. The sound of his hand smacking against her ass practically echoed, Addison's eyes going wide as she jumped and moved away from the man in question. The man whistled, saying something along the lines about her 'nice ass,' but Zed was already seeing red from the strange man's initial grab.

The man had continued to walk, putting him directly in Zed's path. Zed glowered at the man, practically growling, his fist connecting with the strange man's jaw. "That's my wife, asshole!" he bellowed.

The man reeled back, surprised at Zed's reaction. "It was just a joke!" the man said, laughing nervously, cradling his bruising jaw. He immediately staggered away, back towards the mall.

"Weird that I'm not laughing." He yelled at the retreating creep.

Zed's fists were still clenched at his sides. He took a few breaths, shaking his head, trying to calm himself down. There were more important things to worry about than the asshole who sexually harassed his wife—Wait, where was Addison? He spun around, looking for her in the parking lot, but she was gone.

He panicked, his anger quickly turning to fear. He called out her name, his voice wavering with desperation and anxiety. He couldn't help but think that she ran away again, and this time she would never come back. He looked around frantically, '_She couldn't have gotten far in just a few seconds._'

His first thought was to call her cell, except her hadn't saved her number in his phone. '_It's in the car_!' he realized. Her phone number was written on the receipt from the phone store, he just hoped that the car was still unlocked, considering he had given Addison the keys. He jogged toward the passenger door, stopped, and looked in the backseat, seeing Addison inside, on the floor of the car, curled within herself. He let out a breath of relief, pulling on the door handle, only for it to stall in his hands.

"Fuck," he muttered.

He knocked on the window, rather aggressively, and saw Addison jump in surprise. She didn't lift her head though; instead she covered her ears with her hands, her whole body shaking in the most frightening way. The muffled sounds of her sobs and incomprehensible words were heard through the door. He tried the door again, knowing it was pretty much useless. It looked like she was having a breakdown or panic attack or some kind of freak out that she shouldn't have been having, which could end extremely horribly and he knew he needed to get in there and help her, even if he had no idea what was going on.

He called her name—once, twice, then a third before he realized that he was probably making her panic worse. He let go of the handle and looked around, looking for another way in, all the different possibilities racing through his head. His eyes land on the other door, seeing the lock sticking up. He ran around the back, yanking the door open so hard it bounced back and hit his side as he climbed into the car. Addison was shaking with the force of her violent sobs, but he could pick out the little, 'nos' and 'stops,' her helpless, terrified cries tearing his heart to shreds.

Zed closed his eyes for a moment, getting into his emergency headspace. He was a firefighter, better yet he did search and rescue all the time. He thrived with calming people down.

"Addy," he said, his voice soft but loud enough for her to hear.

She started shaking her head, talking louder and clear. "It's not real it's not real it's not real," she repeated, as if she were trying to convince herself that it was true.

"Addy, look at me." He kept his voice soft but firm, telling rather than asking her.

Still, she refused, curling further within herself, crying harder, the same words tumbling from her lips, slurring together in almost incomprehensible speech. Zed inched closer, hoping and praying that what he had in mind would work. With gentle fingers, he pulled her left hand from her head, letting his thumb stroke over her pulse point, not enough to feel anything significant but to get her attention. She froze, everything around them hanging thick in the air. Slowly, he moved her hand over his chest, pressing her palm to his thudding heart.

"I'm real Addy, I'm right here, okay?" he assured her. Her head raised, slow and tentative, until her misty eyes were locked on his. "I don't know what's going on in your head, but it's not real. It's just you and me, okay? You and me, always."

"You're real," she breathed, her words barely a whisper.

Zed nodded, letting his thumb rub against the back of her hand. "It's just you and me here. I swear."

She sniffed, her fingers grasping at his shirt, the same way the kids did when they were babies and would grab whatever they could. They both moved until Zed was stretched out as much as he could on the floor of the backseat and Addison was sitting on his lap, clutching his shirt like a lifeline and sobbing into his chest. He wrapped his free arm around her, holding her close, reassuring her that he was there and she was safe.

* * *

If Zed wasn't looking, he wouldn't have noticed the change. She was on edge for the rest of the day. He kept a close eye on her, noticing how, at the slightest of noises, she would flinch or tense. She carefully avoided him too, not meeting his eye, not saying a word. Addison put on a brave face—an excited smile—when they joined Nicky and Aidan at the football field. Zed knew better than to assume she was fine, and knew that, no matter how much he wanted some type of explanation or confirmation that she was going to be okay, he needed to give her her space, and let her come to him.

After a "very tense" peewee football game that Lily's team won, they all headed home, stopping to pick up a couple of pizzas for dinner. Zed sent the kids to the various bathrooms to wash their hands before dinner, going with Bonzo to the kitchen to set the table. He grabbed the plates from the cabinet, passing them off to Bonzo and looking for Bree and Addison, realizing they were gone. He knew it meant that Addison was talking to Bree about her "episode", and not him. It shouldn't have bothered him; as long as she was talking to someone, he should have been fine. She didn't need to confide in him, even though they were married or in love and he had told her everything for the past eighteen years, since before they were married, before they were dating. They told each other _everything_.

Maybe he was a little bitter about the whole thing. He didn't _want_ to be, but he couldn't help but be upset that she was avoiding him and keeping so many secrets from him. He dedicated his life to her, for this?

He managed to save face though, smiling and laughing through dinner with his best friend, joking with the kids, and trying not to be visibly offended by Addison avoiding him. After dinner and after the Izakis head home, she still avoided him. They work worldless to get the kids bathed and in bed, Zed taking care of Lily while Addison handled the boys. He finished first, peering into the boys room to check on her, seeing if she would say something or even look at him, but she went downstairs right after putting Nicky and Aidan to bed. Zed sighed, going into his room and taking a well-needed shower. When he finished cleaning up, he went back into his room to get dressed and found Addison standing in the doorway, looking very nervous. She was wearing a pair of pajamas they had just bought, her hair in a high ponytail and her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes looking from the ground up to him.

"Can we talk?" she asked.

His heart fluttered and he nodded, doing his best to hide his excitement. "Yeah, gimme a sec' to get dressed," he told her.

Addison nodded. She moved into the room and sat on the bed, and Zed turned and pulled out his pajamas, quickly getting dressed then sitting next to her.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For…today. I thought I had it under control—I mean—I—I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say."

"Take your time, Addy," he told her. "You know you can tell me anything, whenever you're ready."

Addison nodded, looking down at her hands. "It's not like I don't want to tell you." She sighed, letting her figg bg red comb through her ponytail. "I do. But…when I tell you, you're going to feel bad for me. And you're going to just, let me back and act like nothing happened. You'll push away your feelings and thoughts for me. I don't want that. I want to earn it back—I want to earn it all back."

He nodded once to let her know he understood. What she was saying made sense, he figured. He knew he had a tendency to be very empathetic, but it didn't mean he wouldn't think rationally. There was no way her story would make him instantly forgive her. But…no matter what he thought, he couldn't force her to open up.

"Okay," he told her.

She looked up at him, her eyes searching his face as if she wanted to say more. He could hear the words she wanted to say, a soft, quiet, "_I love you_," leaving her lips with a sigh, followed by a hug or some cuddling or even maybe a kiss.

"Is it okay if I…?" she asked, leaning towards him. He nodded and she scooted closer, letting her head fall on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her back, linking his hands together so he was cradling her, and rested his chin atop her head. "I'm sorry about today," she whispered. After several silent seconds, she continued. "I can't even find the words to tell you how grateful I am—that you were there and you-you saved me."

He frowned, not quite understanding what she was referring to. It didn't matter anyway, he had no idea what was going on anymore. Still, he pressed his lips to her temple, saying against her skin, "I'll always be here for you."

* * *

(They end up changing Family Day to the movie theaters.)


	8. Chapter 8

The next two weeks were filled with longer shifts, with Zed working on days he was usually off. The heat picked up, the scorching California sun putting the fire station to the test. Depending on the days, he'd come home late, still smelling of smoke or with ash on him, too tired to even have a conversation with Addison. She was usually asleep by the time Zed would come home, stirred by the sound of the door and his quiet greeting before he went straight to his room, and still asleep when he left, again, only woken by his quiet goodbye and the door. She was sure that, sometimes, he would even kiss her forehead when he left or even when he came home, tired and exhausted.

It was all very confusing. In the eyes of the law, they were married. And, in her heart, she was still madly in love with him. But he had made it very clear, a few nights after the mall incident, that they weren't emotionally together. They would parent together and raise the kids together, and just coexist, but they weren't in a romantic relationship. Of course, she agreed with him. She couldn't shout out her love for him and expect him to reciprocate—she didn't expect him to still have feelings for her after three long years. She half expected him to be with someone else, if she were being honest. Him allowing her to be in the home and sleep on the couch and act like everything was normal was more than she could ask for.

Unfortunately, their kids didn't quite understand all of that.

It was a scorching Tuesday during the week following Independence Day. All three of the kids were at home because of canceled lessons or injuries (Aidan), which left Addison with the task of entertaining all three of her kids. All day. She had made the executive decision that they could take the day off from their workbooks. Learning was important, yes, but they were still kids and it was summer. They could relax and have fun, especially since they were all stuck at home all day. Lily was content on the floor with her toys and the boys were on the couch playing video games. If it were cooler out and Aidan hadn't rolled his ankle the day before, Addison would make them play outside. They had a whole backyard, they had bicycles, they could even go down a few blocks and hang out at Bree's pool.

As long as they were having fun and staying cool, Addison didn't mind. She was in "her office," which was just a small room attached to the living room with a desk and a computer where she had kept all her work things together. If she leaned a little to the left, she could see the kids through the doorway, and she could clearly hear them in the other room. While the kids enjoyed their day off, Addison was on a job hunt. She had been in contact with the school district, applying to different public and private schools for whatever position she could get. As long as she got a job at a school. She hadn't been able to use her degree in education after she had left and ended up working an office job, handling complaints for a moderately sized snack company. It was mind-numbingly awful and she hated it. But since she was back for good, she could get a job, hopefully back as a teacher.

The volume on the television in the next room went higher, the annoying sounds of Mario Kart echoing through the house. Addison paused, knowing that Mario Kart was a dangerous game. Her mind flashed back to when her and Zed had a crappy apartment in college and were playing the wretched game. Things had been said, a window was shattered, and the police were called because their neighbors heard lots of screaming and things breaking and feared the worst. She shivered at the memory, finding it hard to believe that Zed had bought them the game despite the fact that it was cursed and he was nearly arrested for domestic violence because of it.

As if on cue, Nicky and Aidan start shouting at each other and at the television. Addison leaned back in her chair, considering getting up and turning off the game. But, they were kids. They should have fun and, if things went wrong, they needed to learn. If she remembered one thing from college in child development and psychology, it was that kids needed to experience failures and learn resilience. Which was better as a concept than as a mother.

"Stop you're cheating!" Aidan whined.

"You just suck at this!"

"_Stop_!"

Addison leaned toward the door, listening closer. They were probably only on the first lap yet already on the verge of fighting. Her leg started bouncing anxiously, her mind completely off the computer. Something was going to go wrong, something she could definitely prevent if she went and watched them.

"Get off of me!" Nicky shouted.

"Cheater!"

"You're cheating!" Aidan shouted, immediately followed by a loud _thud_, then more screaming. Addison was already up and moving when she heard the unmistakable sound of the controller hitting something—no, _someone_. The boys abruptly stopped shouted and Addison all but ran to the living room, hearing her sons rushing out, "Don't cry don't cry don't cry!"

She stopped in the doorway, taking in the scene. Aidan was on the floor, one leg still up on the couch like he had been pushed off. Both of them were staring with wide eyes at where Lily was sitting on the floor, her little mouth quivering and her face contorted in pain. Addison could see the events from seconds ago perfectly: Nicky had pushed Aidan, Aidan had thrown the remote at his brother in retaliation and had missed, the controller hitting Lily in the head, then falling among her toys. Addison surged forward just as Lily burst into tears, her heart breaking at the sound. She dropped down to her knees in the pile of toys, pulling her daughter into her arms. Lily curled into Addison, crying into her chest. Lily moved her arms from her head to around Addison's neck and Addison held her tighter, putting a hand on her daughter's head.

"It's okay, baby. Mommy's here," she cooed gently, holding her daughter.

Lily's little hands fisted Addison's shirt, her tears soaking into the cotton. Addison herself wanted to cry, holding her precious angel and doing her best to comfort her. She closed her eyes, holding Lily tight. Part of her hated hearing the sound of her baby crying, but another, smaller part beamed because she was hearing her baby cry. She hadn't heard Lily or Nicky or Aidan cry in years and it felt _so good_ to finally be with them and comfort them, like normal.

Addison stood up and Lily instinctively wrapped around her. Addison looked at her sons, giving them a disapproving frown. "Sit on the couch and don't move."

She then carried Lily to the downstairs bathroom, using one hand to grab an extra hand rag and run it under cold water. Gently, she tapped the cool compress around Lily's head, doing her best to soothe her. She probably wouldn't need ice, or maybe Addison just hoped she wouldn't need any. "It's okay, baby, Mommy's here," Addison whispered, smoothing her hair out with the damp cloth.

Her mind took her back to four years ago, when Lily had her first major sickness. She went to the park _once_, had a _horrible_ time, _and_ got the chickenpox. Addison and Zed had to sew her mittens that went under her long sleeve to keep her from scratching. Lily refused to be set down and Addison would carry her, saying nothing of importance until she would stop crying. Except now, Lily didn't have the chickenpox, she was in pain.

An idea hit her. Addison left the towel on Lily's head and opened the medicine cabinet, grabbing the box of Spider-Man bandaids. She detached Lily from around her, sitting her down on the counter. "Do you want a bandaid?" Addison asked.

Lily looked at her and nodded, her sobs softening up to a sniffle.

"You gotta tell me where it hurts, okay?"

Lily lifted her hand and let her little finger tap the right side of her head, right where her hairline was. There was an angry red mark at the spot that Addison knew would bruise, but it didn't look too serious. There wasn't any swelling, it probably just hurt. And, even better, Lily was five. She thought band aids were magic healers. It'd soothe her mind.

She put the bandaid on Lily's head, pressed a kiss to the spot, then smiled at Lily. "Feel better?" Addison asked.

Lily sniffed and gave her a short nod. "A 'ittle bit," she said. "Can you kiss it better again?"

"Of course!" Addison leaned down and pressed a big wet kiss to her daughter's head, exaggerating it, marking Lily giggle. She wiped her daughter's cheeks, holding her face in her hands.

Lily's smile turned into a worried frown, twisting her fingers together nervously. "Is Nicky and Aidan gonna be in trouble?"

"They're in big trouble," Addison said. "They hit you and made you cry."

"But…but it was a accident," Lily explained.

Addison frowned, sympathizing with her daughter. She couldn't find it in herself to be angry with her sons and properly discipline them if Lily wasn't even upset. Addison sighed, setting Lily on the ground, then walking with her into the living room. Nicky and Aidan were sitting on the couch, their hands folded in their laps, the television off and their video games all put away. She couldn't be mad at them, they were such angels. God, her and Zed (mostly Zed) raised them right.

"Boys—"

"We're sorry," they both said, mostly in unison.

Aidan stood up, looking the most fearful. "I didn't mean to hit you, Lily, I'm sorry," he said to his sister.

Lily threw her arms around her brother, saying, "S'okay! Mommy made it better!"

Aidan smiled, hugging his little sister. They were all so adorable, Addison couldn't help but smile. Aidan and Lily both sat on the couch, Lily between her two brothers. Inwardly, Addison shook her head. Her kids were so sweet, but she'd have to put on her stern-mom look and punish the boys, even though they both cleaned up and apologized—without her even having to tell them!

She crouched down so she was on their level and gave them to most stern look she could muster. "I still have to punish you guys," she said. "You were fighting and you hurt your little sister. No more video games today, and no more Mario Kart ever. But, I'm still very proud of both of you, though, for cleaning up and apologizing. So why don't we make cookies?"

All three of them lit up, their eyes going wide. "We're gonna make cookies?" Nicky asked.

Addison nodded, standing up. "Yes! I'll show you my secret family recipe for super yummy double chocolate chip cookies. We have to go grocery shopping though."

"Yay!" Lily cheered. She bounced off of the couch, throwing her arms around Addison's legs. "We're gonna make cookies and they're gonna be so good! Yay!"

* * *

Lily sat on the kitchen counter while Addison and the boys worked on making the batter. Which meant that Nicky and Aidan were on their knees on chairs, watching and listening as Addison made the batter.

"First you start with your granulated sugar, brown sugar and butter. Gotta mix 'em together," she explained to them.

Aidan stood on his toes, peering over the counter. "What's gran-u-lated sugar?" Aidan asked.

Addison shrugged. "No idea. My cousin, Bucky, taught me this recipe. I just know what to buy and how to make it."

Aidan nodded, not quite understanding but not needing anymore explanation.

"Can I mix it?" Nicky asked, bouncing on the chair. Addison nodded and slid the bowl in front of him, then went around the kitchen and grabbed another bowl.

"You gotta mix the wet and dry ingredients separately," she explained. "Flour, baking soda, salt, and chocolate. The chocolate is very important if you want the _perfect_ double chocolate chip cookies."

Lily giggled and said, "Daddy never makes us cookies."

Addison grinned at the statement, knowing first hand that, while Zed was an amazing cook, he couldn't bake to save his life. He'd burned more brownies and cakes than they knew what to do with. "That's because Mommy is much better at baking," she told her kids.

She showed Aidan how to measure out the dry ingredients, then let him move to the table to do the task. "You're so cool," Lily said wistfully.

"Yeah," Nicky agreed. "Daddy's crazy to not be with you."

Addison paused, giving her son a confused look. He didn't even notice, his tongue sticking out as he concentrated on mixing the batter.

"Yeah," Lily commented. "Why aren't you and Daddy together and living happily ever after?"

"Daddy's crazy, that's why," Aidan said from the table.

Addison turned and frowned at her son. "What are you guys talking about? How do you know this?"

"Daliah Roberts' Mommy and Daddy aren't together," Nicky explained. "She's my third best friend. She used to tell me how her daddy had to sleep on the couch, and then like four months later they got a divorce."

"What's a divorce?" Lily asked.

"It's when married people break up," Nicky explained, followed immediately by Aidan asked, "Do you and Daddy have a divorce?"

Addison whirred, looking between her kids in confusion. "What? No we—it's complicated. And not something you should be worried about."

"But...why?" Nicky asked, looking up at her. "Why is it complicated? You're home now, now we can all be happy!"

Addison gave him a sad smile, leaning down and kissing his head. "It's a lot more than that, Nicky," she said. "Daddy's scared is all. He's scared that I might have to leave again."

"But you were being a superhero!" Lily protested.

"_What_!" Aidan and Nicky both shouted, whipping around to Addison and, in the process, Aidan ripped the bag open a little too hard, sending white dust everywhere. Addison groaned, screwed her eyes shut tight. How much more wrong could things go today?

When the dust settled, Aidan looked at Addison with wide, terrified eyes, his mouth turned down in worry. "I'm sorry," he said, his head dropping down.

"It's okay," Addison told him. "Accidents happen, Aidan. We'll clean it up in a bit, okay?"

He nodded, placing the bag on the table. Addison turned and helped him measure out dry ingredients, while Lily kept talking. "When Mommy came home she told me she was fighting bad guys," she explained. "That's why she was gone. Mommy's a superhero!"

"You were fighting bad guys?" Aidan asked, looking up at Addison.

"Well...kinda," Addison said. "It was way more boring than Lily makes it sound."

"I didn't know you told Lily," Aidan said. "Daddy told us not to ask. He said you were doing adult stuff and he would tell us when it was school time."

Addison rolled her eyes; of course she had known Zed had said _something_ because in all the weeks she had been home, Lily had been the only one to ask questions. She wasn't even surprised at his lame, vague excuse for her. She was more touched that he had even warned the kids.

"I told Lily already, but I was just taking care of something," she explained. "I helped put really bad people in jail. That's all."

Nicky turned around and asked, "What did they do? Did they rob a bank? Or kidnap a princess or something?"

"Um…something," she said. "It's really complicated, and I could tell you, but you wouldn't know what it was. But, it was very bad and—"

"And you stopped them, like a superhero!" Lily exclaimed, her heels hitting the cabinet below her.

Addison gave Aidan a spoon to mix with, then we back to Nicky and Lily. "Can you tell us other superhero stories?" Lily asked.

Addison chuckled, searching for the vanilla extract on the counter. "I don't really have superhero stories—"

"Can you tell us a story? Like-like the bedtime stories! But about you!"

Addison tilted her head at her daughter. "Any story?" she asked. She measured out vanilla extract and poured it into Nicky's bowl.

"A good one!" Nicky said.

Addison hummed, breaking two eggs into his bowl and helping him to beat them in, trying to remember something she could tell her kids. "Is there anything specific you want to hear?" Addison asked.

Lily hummed, bringing her legs up to sit cross legged on the counter. "How did you and Daddy fall in love?" Lily asked, grabbing Addison's attention. She smiled fondly at the memory, the better part of her high school years flashing across her mind,

"We were friends since we were fourteen," Addison explained. "But I always thought he was very cute. Of course, I never told him."

Nicky looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"

"Daddy was my best friend," Addison said. "I was scared that if I told him I liked him, he wouldn't like me and he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore."

"You were scared? I didn't know mommys could be scared." Lily said.

"Oh I'm always scared," Addison said. "But I also have to be brave. It took a couple of years before I was brave enough to tell him I liked him."

"What happened?" Aidan asked.

She glanced at each of her kids, noticing they had all stopped what they were doing to listen to her story. She needed to pause though, to figure out how to say the next part in a censored way, knowing her kids wouldn't fully understand it straight up.

It had all come to a head on the one year anniversary of Bucky's death. Addison had had the option of staying home but wanted to get as far away from her parents as she could. School was the only escape she ever got from them, even though she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate on that day. Her mind was foggy, none of the information they were cramming down her throat sticking in her brain. She didn't remember it very well, but somehow she ended up on the football field during lunch, staring at the trees during the hour long period, thinking of Bucky.

"I, I was really sad," she told her kids. "So I was hiding. And Zed came to find me."

Addison wouldn't eat during lunch often, but she would still sit with her friends. Her not being there was the first sign of trouble to them. Zed hadn't wasted any time in speculating where she might have been, searching the school for her and finding her crying on the bleachers. It was the middle of April, the air still thick with moisture from the last rain and the sky was dark for the weather to come.

"_Addison?_" _he asked, his voice soft but concerned. She looked up, blinking to clear her vision as he walked toward her. _

_She sniffed, then asked, "Zed?" _

_He walked toward her, taking the steps two at a time until he was standing on the bench below her. His face went from confused and worried, to soft and understanding, in a matter of seconds. _

"And he just, he had this look," Addison said, struggling to find the words. "I didn't even have to say anything. He just knew I needed him."

_Zed stepped over the bench then sat down next to her. She looked up at him, her watery blue eyes on his soft brown ones. Her heart was heavy and her head was spinning, but she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. _

"I just," she shrugged, "I told him that I was in love with him."

It was more like word vomit_. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his side. She knew that they fight need words to understand each other, and yet, she blurted, "I love you." _

"_I know, you're my best friend," he said. _

"_No, I-I love you love you. I had a stupid crush on you when we first met and now it's spiraled into this stupid gross feeling that is constantly nagging at me and I just—I love you, Zed._"

_He didn't say anything. _"And he…froze," Addison said. "It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life."

"Really?" Nicky asked.

Addison nodded slowly. "I didn't want to lose him as a friend. I didn't…" She pursed her lips, thinking over her next words carefully. They all knew what it was like to lose someone important in their lives. Because they had lost her, for three years. "It's hard to lose someone you love, right?"

They all nodded slowly. "It's really scary when you don't know if they'll come back," she added.

"You thought Daddy would leave you," Nicky summarized. "And he wouldn't come back?"

"Yeah." Addison nodded. Then she smiled, saying, "You know what he did?"

"What?" Nicky asked.

"He was so surprised, he didn't know what to say," she said. "So he kissed me. It was—" She sighed blissfully. "And after he kissed me, it started raining. So we hid in the nurse's office for the rest of the day."

"It's like a fairytale," Lily said, an adorable smile on her face.

Addison chuckled, instructing Aidan to bring the bowl of dry ingredients to the counter. She took the bowl from him and put it on the counter while he climbed up on the chair.

"Do you have any other stories?" Nicky asked.

"Of course," she told him. She sifted the dry ingredients into Nicky's bowl, thinking of what to tell them next. An idea hit her as she moved the bowl from him to take over the mixing, first reaching into her pocket and pulling out a folded picture.

"I've got a picture for this story," she said with a grin, unfolding it and handing it to Lily. "Do you know what it is?"

Lily stared at the picture, her face twisted in concentration and confusion. Addison held back her chuckle, starting to mix together the cookie dough. "Is that…you? And Daddy?"

"Lemme see!" Nicky shouted.

"You'll all see, promise," Addison said.

Lily gasped, a wide smile on her face, and looked up at Addison. "Is that us?"

"Yep," Addison said. She took the picture from Lily and placed it in front of Nicky, Aidan moving next to his brother. "That's the first picture we took as a family."

"That's us?" Nicky asked.

"You were four," Addison said, pointing him out. "And Aidan, you were three. This was a little after Lily was born."

"Really?" Aidan asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Tell us the story!" Lily exclaimed, practically bouncing with excitement.

Addison giggled. "Okay, okay. Let's see...It was a Wednesday, and I was at home. Nicky and Aidan were watching…PBS kids. I was reading a book, and my tummy had been hurting me all day. But I didn't tell anyone about it."

"Why not?" Lily asked.

"I didn't want to make Daddy worried," Addison explained. "You know that face he makes?" Addison attempted to make the same expression—eyebrows furrowed and a little, adorable pout, that made her kids giggle and nod.

"He makes that face a lot," Aidan observed.

Addison grinned. "He does. And it's not a happy face, so I don't want him to make it a lot," Addison explained. "My tummy was hurting a lot, which meant you were probably really mad or uncomfortable."

"I was in your tummy?"

"Yeah. And so were Aidan and Nicky. At different times."

Lily nodded slowly, as if she accepted that answer but didn't believe it.

"So I played some music for you. You liked all the songs Daddy likes, not the ones I liked. But it was okay, 'cause I like whatever Daddy likes."

Lily nodded. "I like what Daddy likes too."

"Daddy has good taste," Addison agreed.

"What happened next?" Nicky asked impatiently.

"Well, after listening to one song, little Lily decided she wanted to come and meet us all and _actually _listen to Daddy's music so she could meet the man with great taste in person," Addison said, tickling Lily, making her giggle. "I called Daddy and told him and his voice got really high like it did when I told him Nicky and Aidan were gonna be born. After I called Daddy, I called your Auntie Bree and Uncle Bonzo. Auntie Bree took me to the hospital, where we met up with Daddy."

"What about Uncle Bonzo?" Aidan asked.

"He was watching you two." Addison answered, gesturing to the boys. "By the time we got there, it was maybe four or five. I got a room not too long after, and then we had to wait."

"You had to wait?"

Addison nodded. "Just because you were ready to be born, doesn't mean I was ready," Addison explained. "It took a long time." Then, to reassure her daughter, she added, "it wasn't too bad though."

But she could still, very vividly, remember how awful it was. Not only did it take several hours before she was fully dilated, but Lily was much bigger than her brothers had been, and had taken a lot longer than she should have.

"It was around three in the morning—the middle of the night—when you were born. And you were just..." Addison said, her voice soft, fighting the urge to cry as her and Lily locked eyes. "I looked in your eyes and I was in love. You were so beautiful and perfect. We were crying—me and Zed—and you were our beautiful angel."

"One of the nurses took this," she explained as the five year old took the picture. "Me and your daddy couldn't stop looking at you."

"That's me," Lily whispered, pointing a finger at the little swaddled mass in Addison's arms.

The picture was taken in the morning, after Bonzo had brought the boys to the hospital to meet Lily. It was their first full family picture, the most real one. Zed was sitting on the right edge of the bed, Aidan in his lap, and Nicky was on Addison's other side, both boys peering at their new little sister. Addison and Zed both looked a mess; Zed was still on his work clothes, his hair ruffled from his twenty minute power nap at eight o'clock the night before, the exhaustion clear on his face. Addison's hair was in a crappy braid Zed had done for her, random flyaways sticking out all over. She was tired and sweaty and felt horrible and gross, even though Zed kept saying how beautiful she was and how much he loved her.

"This is my favorite thing in the world," Addison told them. "I looked at it every night, so I'd never forget about you guys."

The kids were silent and Addison let them study the picture, grabbing the bags of milk and white chocolate chips and pouring them into the bowl. Nicky and Aidan attacked her in a hug, causing her to spill the chocolate chips. She squealed in surprise, looking down at her boys.

"I love you Mommy," Nicky said, looking up at her with a sweet smile.

Addison giggled, ruffling his and Aidan's hair. "I love you too."

"Making cookies is messy," Lily noticed.

"Yeah it is." Addison said, laughing.

She mixed the chips into the batter with her boys still attached to her hips. She grabbed a spare spoon, scooping some out and handing it to Lily. "Some cookie dough for my princess," she said. She then pulled Nicky's hand from her hip, pouting some chocolate chips into his hand, then did the same for Aidan. "Some chips for my princes."

Her kids giggled as they snacked, watching her scoop the cookie dough onto the baking sheet. Usually, the recipes could make about five dozen cookies. She only had two baking trays, so she put a good majority of the leftover cookie dough in a bowl and covered it to make later. She separated so her kids could eat some of the cookie dough, not enough to get them sick but enough to satisfy them. She put the mostly empty bowl on the chair Nicky had been kneeling on, saying, "You can eat the rest, but you gotta let go of me."

They all cheered, immediately releasing her and going in on the cookie dough. Addison shook her head and laughed, putting the trays in the oven and went to store the leftover cookie dough in the fridge. She closed the fridge door, hearing her kids arguing over the cookie dough, and shook her head.

"Uh." Addison whipped around, seeing Zed standing in the kitchen doorway, his eyes surveying the mess. He looked back at Addison, his eyes flashing with anger before he masked it, clearing his throat and said, "Addison, may I have a word with you? In the office?"

* * *

**a/n: So, this chapter was super long. soooooo so long, that i split it in half! So the next chapter will be another Addison! Yay! **


	9. Chapter 9

To say that Zed was upset was an understatement. Addison had known him for years, she knew he rarely ever got mad. He wasn't the type to yell or get physical. A small part of her brain knew he wasn't too mad at her, that his day was bad and everything kept building and building and, now that he was home (hours earlier than she expected) and he saw the mess, he just lost it. The other, much larger, part of her brain saw a man basically twice her size screaming at her, red in the face and fists clenched.

She set the oven timer then went to the office, hands twisted together nervously, afraid of what was to come. Zed followed behind her, telling the kids to stay in the kitchen. She wanted to go and sit at the desk but waited close to the door, watching as he pushed it shut and stepped further into the room. Her hands shook as she waited for him to start yelling.

Within a few seconds, Zed exploded. "What the hell! I come home and the whole house is a mess! I can't leave you alone for two seconds without you turning this place into a zoo!"

"Zed—"

"No, this is when you zip it!" he snapped, making her flinch. "You can't just waltz in like you own this place, Addison! You were gone for _three years_! Three years! And you just show up, out of _nowhere_, and you act like you run the place! All you've done for the last three weeks is screw everything up! You're unreliable, unpredictable, irresponsible—you couldn't even stick around to raise your kids!"

Every word was another blow.

"I can't trust you with anything, Addison! You let the kids do whatever the hell they want, and you won't tell me about _anything_! I've told you everything, for-for _years_! Since we were kids, Addison! I've told you everything. I don't know if—_why_ you can't trust me, and honestly I—"

He sighed, defeated. "I'm sick and tired of this, Addison. I'm just—ugh." He rolled his eyes and walked out of the office, leaving Addison there, his words still lingering in the air.

Her eyes stung, her chest was tight, his words lingered in the air. No matter how hard she tried to stifle the tears, to hold in sobs, they came through. She settled herself down on the floor. She felt so powerless in the situation, so small compared to him.

The office door creaked open and Addison lifted her head, sniffing and wiping her eyes. Nicky and Aidan were standing in the doorway, look at her with wide, guilty eyes. "Mommy?" Aidan asked.

She rubbed her eyes, knowing she needed to seem strong for them. "What's wrong?" Addison asked.

"Daddy's mad at you," Aidan said quietly, walking into the room. Nicky followed his brother, the two of them sitting on either side of her. Addison wrapped her arms around her boys, letting them lean into her.

"I didn't know grownups cried," Nicky said.

"Everybody cries," Addison told him.

"Even Daddy?"

Addison nodded, though it was hard to think back on the last time she saw Zed cry. She tried, but could only think about him yelling at her. He never yelled, he never got so angry he felt the need to yell and scream. She really was so horrible to have pushed him to that point.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Nicky asked. "When I'm sad, it makes me feel better to talk about it."

"I'm okay," she assured him. "I promise."

"Okay," Nicky said.

They sat in silence, her boys hugging and holding her while she calmed down from her fight with Zed. She couldn't even call it a fight. A fight would mean that she argued back. Zed just yelled, and called her names and made her feel horrible.

Lily came into the office, stopping in front of her mother and brothers. "I picked up my toys," she said. Then she held out her hands, the family picture in her hands. "Here. So you don't lose your favorite picture."

Addison took the picture, giving Lily a watery smile. "Thank you, Princess," she said.

Lily shuffled her feet, her arms behind her back. "Could you...tell us another story? Stories always make me feel better."

"Or we could look at more pictures," Aidan suggested.

"Of course," Addison said, motioning for Lily to join them on the floor.

She pulled her phone from her pocket, Nicky and Aidan leaning in to watch and Lily sitting on her lip, wiggling between her arms. Addison went straight to the photos, where she had been lucky enough to recover her old favorites from the cloud. She had a lot of pictures from high school and college, mostly of Zed being silly, but knew that looking at them would hurt her heart and bring on another bought of tears. She passed her graduation, her engagement, even her wedding and honeymoon, sliding down when she got to her pregnancy pictures. Up next were pictures of Nicky as a baby that Bree had mostly taken, which Addison scrolled through until she had gotten to that August.

She clicked the first picture—her and Nicky on a plane. He was decked out in his favorite onesie, his tufts of dark hair all over the place, the little seven month old playing peekaboo with Addison.

"That's me!" Nicky exclaimed. "I've seen that before! Daddy showed me on my birthday last year."

Addison glanced at him, his wide smile making her heart flutter. She was still confused, not expecting Zed to show the kids pictures of her, ever. It made sense in most cases because she was in almost all of their baby pictures anyway, with Zed usually behind the camera.

"Are you on an airplane?" Lily asked in wonder.

"Yeah," Addison said. "We were going to this cool island in the Caribbean." It was their one year wedding anniversary, and they had decided to take Nicky on his first vacation to the same beach they had honeymooned. It was an amazing vacation, the only downfall being that—surprise surprise—Addison ended up pregnant with Aidan. But the kids didn't need all those details.

"What's the Caribbean?" Lily asked.

"It's like a little part of the ocean, but between Florida and South America," Addison explained.

Lily nodded and Addison went to the next picture, which was of Addison and Nicky cuddling and asleep on the plane. There were a few more from traveling and the four hour layover in Miami. The plane from Miami to Aruba was about three hours, where Addison napped more while Zed and Nicky watched a movie. She went through the vacation pictures, pausing every once in a while to admire her little baby, who was almost all grown up now.

She played a video of Nicky walking around the kitchen, pictures of Zed and Nicky in the snow and Nicky's first Christmas—the adorable onesie from Zoey, playing games with his family. Addison's personal favorite was of the eleven-month-old baby bouncing in her lap, hands pressed against her small bump. There's one of Nicky on his first birthday, only in a diaper and with birthday cake everywhere. The picture made all of her kids giggle and Addison smiled, remembering how much of a hassle it was to clean up him and the kitchen. But it was amazing because Nicky looked so cute and Addison got to smear cake all over her husband.

"Do you have pictures of me?" Aidan asked, growing impatient.

Addison glanced at him and said, "Yeah, it should be coming up." She scroll past some random pictures, mostly bad shots of Zed, until she got to Aidan's birth. "This was when you were born," she explained, pointing to the red and wrinkled two-week-overdue bundle that was Aidan, asleep in Addison's arms. Addison looked like she was asleep too, but Zed had just snapped a picture when she closed her eyes for a few seconds, exhausted.

"Was I born at night like Lily?" Aidan asked.

Addison squinted at the picture. She couldn't remember exactly, seeing as it was nearly ten years ago, but she had a vague feeling he wasn't. Lily was the only one born in the dead of night, but Nicky and Aidan were born at two different times—one in the late morning and one around seven at night. "I have to double check, but I think you were born around noon."

Aidan nodded thoughtfully, accepting that answer. Addison took that as her cue to go to the next picture, physically gagging at the horrid selfie of her and Zed—she was knocked out and Zed was grinning, his lips pressed to her cheek. All three of her kids burst into laughter and Addison felt her face flush, embarrassed by the picture and then by her kids laughing her, then more embarrassed of being embarrassed by her kids. It was a never ending cycle of embarrassment, really.

"Daddy's funny," Lily laughed.

Addison locked her phone, much to the dismay of her kids. "Okay, why don't we do something else?" Addison suggested. "Let's play outside!"

Nicky and Lily ran upstairs to put on their sneakers and Addison went with them, knowing that Lily would need help tying her sneakers. And, well, she figured she would try and see Zed. She didn't know what she would say to him—if it was customary to apologize or anything else—but luckily when she peeked into his room, he was knocked out in bed. She left, afraid of what waking him up would entail, and instead went to help Lily get dressed.

* * *

Zed slept through the rest of the day. It carried on like normal. After putting the kids to bed, Addison changed in the bathroom, putting her hair in a ponytail so it didn't tangle too much while she slept. She sat on the couch, typing out a long message to an old friend. She hit send and heard heavy footfalls on the stairs, knowing it was Zed coming down. She tensed, afraid of what he would say to her. She watched him walk over to her and sit on the floor in front of her, his knees drawn up. He had changed into pajamas and looked like he had been sleeping, his hair ruffled and his eyes puffy. He looked up at her through thick lashes, his face soft and adorable and his eyes were wide with guilt. She softened up, scooting to the edge of the couch.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Addy, I—I can't even tell you how sorry I am," he gushed. "Like, shit, I feel—I'm so sorry. I had no right to yell at you—"

"Clearly I messed up, Zed. You don't have to lie about how you feel to spare my feelings."

"Even if you messed up, no one, especially me, gets to treat you like that. I don't get to yell at you because I'm mad or you messed up." he rushed out. "I'm so sorry. I was cruel and mean to you. But you're an amazing mom, Addy. You always have been, you always will be. I mean, you made the kids cookies! I could never—I suck at baking. You—" He stopped, closing his eyes and sighing.

He opened his eyes, staring at her, more sincere than she had ever seen. "I've missed you," he said in a soft voice. Her eyes went wide, surprise clear on her face. In three weeks, he hadn't really acknowledged her disappearance, save the first few days while they were both adjusting. Now he was being open and honest. "It was so hard without you. But I didn't only miss you because it would've been _easier_ with you around."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I missed you being here, and being able to talk to you. And—_god_—your massages. I would kill for one of those. I missed _you_, Addison. And I feel so bad about what I said to you today. I never want you to look at me like you're scared of me. We should be able to trust each other, no matter what."

Addison nodded in agreement. She wordlessly got off the couch, sitting down next to him. "I forgive you," she told him. "How could I be mad when you look like this?"

Zed's cheeks went red, he smiled and ducked his head down. Addison giggled, ruffling his hair. "You're very cute, Zed. Embrace it."

"You're pretty cute too," he muttered.

She hummed in appreciation, her fingers massaging his scalp. "Why did you come home so early?" she asked.

"I got sent home by my captain," he said. He lifted his head and looked at her, adding, "I fell through a floor today, landed pretty hard. And I'm currently in lots of pain."

"Oh my god."

Zed nodded, crossing his arms and his knees and resting his head. "I took a good ass nap when I got home," he added. "I am so tired."

"Well, it sounds to me like you need a good ole fashioned massage. I'm sure you must be hurting really bad from that fall."

He tilted his head at her and she could see him trying and failing to not smile. "I definitely can't lay on that couch, so we'll have to go up to our—to the room."

Addison smiled and stood up, extending her hand for Zed. He grabbed it and she pulled him up, then led him upstairs to the master bedroom, never letting go of his hand. She only let go when they stepped inside, letting him sit on the bed while she closed the door quietly. She turned back to Zed, finding he was already laying on his stomach, his tee shirt off and crumpled on the side of the bed. Addison climbed on the empty side, sitting on her knees beside him. They never used oils or lotions because they both got intense skin reactions because of them. Zed turned his head on the pillow so he was looking at her.

"Just your back?" Addison asked. "Or do you want the full massage experience?"

His ears went pink, his eyes going wide and Addison realized her slip up. The 'full massage experience' would more often than not consist of lazy sex afterwards. She had forgotten about that little tidbit, which would completely violate their romantic situation. She was quick to clarify though, saying, "Neck, shoulders, the works."

"Sure," he said. "And before I forget, Dr. Ellie called today. She wants to see Lily tomorrow, and apparently she heard you were in town and wants you to come too."

Addison furrowed her brows, resting when hands in her lap. "Like, a check up, or…?"

"We kinda roll checkups and therapy into one around here," Zed explained. "Cheaper that way."

Addison nodded, rubbing her palms against her pajamas. "I wasn't too sure if...well, if Lily still had social anxiety. With the whole football and everything—"

Zed snorted, propping himself up on his elbows. "She only plays because Nicky is there and because all of us—Aidan included—help her practice. What made you think it would just...go away?"

She bit her lip, looking away from him, feeling her cheeks go red. She could never forget when Katy—her kids' pediatrician—told her her suspicion of Lily. When she was a baby, she had refused to be with anyone other than her parents, this going on until she was a year and a half. It had eased to a point where Addison could go back to work, but after two days of Lily going to daycare they had to pull her out. She cried all day long, to the point where Zed left work early both days and even took her to the doctor for fear of an illness. Katy has said that Lily was perfectly healthy and most likely missed her parents.

They asked Bree to babysit, which resulted in more crying, something that didn't usually happen when Lily saw Bree. Katy warned them that Lily might be going through separation anxiety and put them in contact with a specialist to help Lily adjust to changes. The specialist, Dr. Erin Mau, has diagnosed Lily not with separation anxiety, but with social anxiety. It was a huge shock to them both, but once they knew about it, they found out how to help their little girl.

It took a lot of meticulous planning and adjustments, but they managed to work it out so they could both go to work and help Lily. Their neighbor, Madeline, had helped too, being around the house while Addison or Zed were home so that, when her parents left, Lily would be okay around the elderly lady.

Lily got older, more expressive, and more communicative. She hated play dates, barely wanting to play with her own brothers, shying away when people would talk to her. It only got worse when she got the chickenpox from the park, refusing to even leave the house for the rest of the summer. She started seeing a therapist when she was two, a few months before Addison left.

"So Aidan threw a remote today and it hit Lily," Addison explained. "And I went and I comforted her. And she just...melted. In my arms. It wasn't the first time we've bonded these past few weeks but—I didn't think she'd remember me. And I don't think she does, really, but some part of her remembers. It must, because Lily would never…"

Zed nodded slowly. "You thought she'd forget about you? That she'd be...afraid? To be around you?" Addison nodded, the heat creeping up her neck. "Adds, you may have left, and I may have resented you for it, but you're their mom. Even if you had…died, and it physically hurt me to talk about you, I would, because they deserve a chance to know their mom."

Addison nodded, her eyes stinging. She sniffed, fighting the urge to cry again. He was such a good man, she wanted nothing more than to hug him, or kiss him, or even just cuddle with him. Instead, she leaned over him, pushing the heels of her palms into his lower back and pulling a low moan from his mouth.

"Jesus," he muttered, burying his face in his pillow. He turned his head to her and said, "How are your hands so tiny but you're so good at that?"

Addison chuckled and said, "I haven't done anything, Z."

"Don't laugh at me!" he protested, though Addison knew he wasn't actually upset. "It's been a long ass day."

She chuckled, cracking her fingers, then getting to work. She pressed her knuckles and palms, soothing his tight muscles and making him wince and groan and whine in response. He squirmed under her touch but Addison persisted.

"So—ah—why exactly did Aidan throw a remote?"

"Because someone bought them the forbidden game."

Zed laughed. "You are referring to my evil little sister," he told her. "I would never. That night I spent in the holding cell was quite enough."

Addison giggled, moving onto her elbows, pressing them into his back. Zed groaned in appreciation. "Could you go a little higher, Addy?" She went ahead put her palms flat on his upper back, putting pressure as she kneaded the tight muscles. Zed moaned, rolling over into his back and sitting up. His eyes were closed and his eyebrows furrowed with a strange mix of pleasure and frustration.

"I think," he sighed, opening his eyes to look at her. "We better head to bed."

Addison gave a slow nod, watching him closely. He had a far off look in his eye, shifting uncomfortably like he was conflicted.

"Goodnight," she said.

"Sleep well. See you tomorrow."


	10. Chapter 10

While Addison was home with the kids, Zed was at work, avoiding his responsibility of filing paperwork. He rarely ever did work, actually. He had gotten a call that morning from Dr. Ellie, saying she and Dr. Mau wanted Lily to come in for a check up. And Zed asked why, since all three of his kids usually went together.

And, of course, it was because of Addison. Everything was always about her lately. Like with Bonzo, who moved past distrusting Addison fast and wouldn't stop teasing Zed everyday. Even when they were together in the truck, speeding through the streets, doing their job, all they ever talked about was Addison and how, according to Bonzo, Zed was still madly in love with her and just wouldn't admit it.

_Everyday_.

Zed really needed new friends. Ones who weren't obsessed with his love life. Or lack of. With Dr. Ellie's call, Bonzo's constant teasing, and, well, the house who's second floor he fell through, Zed would say he deserved to be more than pissed off.

And then—as a cherry on top to all the little annoying things in his day—he got home and the _cause_ of all his stupid annoyances had destroyed his kitchen!

Maybe he had gone a little too far. Well not maybe. He definitely went too far. He hated when she cried, especially because of him. It had only ever happened once before, the only other time they had seriously fought, which lasted a total of six hours. It was almost ten years ago, he had said a stupid joke that she didn't think was funny, they argued, she left and stayed with Bree, and, after cooling down, he went after her. They cried, apologized, hugged, and went home.

Zed had felt instantly bad once the words had left his mouth, but it was too late. The damage was already done. He hid in his room the rest of the day, unable to find the courage to face her, knowing no amount of apologies would be good enough to undo what he had said.

He just felt really lucky that she had forgiven him later. How did he end up with such a kind, forgiving soul?

Then, of course, things had to get weird.

Zed had a restless night, to say the least. He couldn't stop thinking about Addison. After she had gone to bed, and he had spent nearly an hour tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep and forget what it felt like to have her hands on his skin again, after all those years. Her caring touch, just the perfect amount of pressure that only she could administer because she knew him more than anyone else did.

When he finally did fall asleep, his dreams were filled with nothing but Addison.

* * *

Zed woke with a start, a tune he vaguely recognized from some old Disney movie blaring from his phone. He groaned, covering his face, listening to the song. He never used music as an alarm, it usually led to him hating the song. He listened, hearing the voice of Susan Egan and the five muses.

_That's ancient history, been there, done that. Who d'you think you're kidding? He's the earth and heaven to you_

Zed groaned, fumbling for his phone. It was kind of crazy how easily Bonzo switched from hating Addison to mocking Zed. Bonzo had teased him at work for being all googoo for Addison. Naturally, Zed denied it, because he _wasn't _all heart eyes for his former wife. At least, he'd never admit it. Bonzo could read him like an open book and, on the entire drive to the burning apartment building, he kept singing the stupid song from Hercules. Zed had been completely unaware that his best friend—no, his _former _best friend—had changed his alarm. He was going to kill him.

He grabbed his phone and shut off the music, rolling out of bed and heading to the bathroom on autopilot. He wouldn't let Bonzo's idiocy get to him. Zed may have been madly in love with Addison, but no one else needed to know. Last night had been...eye opening. He had, very vaguely, opened his heart out to her, Addison had held his hand all the way from the living room to the bedroom, she had given him a massage, and by the end of the night he wanted nothing more to kiss her.

He placed his phone on the counter and squinted at the screen, seeing his beautiful picture of his kids had changed to a selfie of him and Addison. He groaned again, cursing Bonzo's name. That's what he got for falling asleep as soon as he got home. His phone was dying already because he had forgotten to put it in charge, and now he had an insanely cute picture of Addison as his lock screen. Not even one of the old pictures from when they were young and in love. No, it was from a few weeks before, when she had first gotten her phone.

Someday, he would have to tell her the truth. For now though, he changed his lock screen back, and got ready for his day.

* * *

It was really like the world was out to get him. He took the boys to Bree's and drove Addison and Lily across town, where the pediatrician's office was. Lily had picked out a movie for the waiting room on the car ride. Zed didn't see her choice until he was connecting her headphones that it was Hercules. The movie was following him everywhere.

Addison held her hand as they walked into the office, found two seats next to each other and had Lily sit in her lap while Zed checked Lily in, then sat next to them. The waiting room was packed with children playing with toys and parents looking more than frustrated in the various chairs. Some were even giving Zed and Addison the stink eye. The strangers weren't the only ones staring. Addison had her eyes trained on him like she had something to say. He gave her a few minutes to voice her thoughts before turning to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Is there an issue, Addison?" Zed asked.

"No," she said. "I just…you don't even let the kids watch TV during the day unless they've done their work, but—"

"Addison," he interrupted. She shut her mouth at his exasperated face.

"Sorry," she muttered, turning her attention to Lily and her movie.

Zed went on his phone, vaguely listening as the receptionist called out names. He read the news until Bonzo started texting him.

_B: Zeeeeeeeddd_

_B: IT'S BORING WITHOUT YOU_

_B: I MISS YOU _

_B: I bet you aren't responding cuz you're smooching Addison ;););)_

_Z:_ _I'm at the doctor with Lily calm down. _

_B: Is Addison with you? I bet you guys are sitting super close cuz it's always so freaking crowded there _

Zed rolled his eyes, muting Bonzo and putting his phone away. He tuned out the sounds of the waiting room until a physician's assistant came into the room and called out, "Lilianne Necrodopolus?"

Addison picked up Lily with a huff and the three of them followed the PA into an exam room. Lily passed the iPad and headphones to her mother, kicking her legs.

"Hey Lilianne," the PA said. "I'm Scotty. I'm gonna get some measurements from you, okay?"

"Kay."

Zed and Addison stood off to the side, Zed watching as Scotty did all the preliminary checks. He would glance at Addison and see her texting on her phone, someone he assumed was Bree.

"You know last year, you were only two feet and eleven inches," Scotty told Lily. "Now you're three feet, two inches. That's three inches taller!"

Lily beamed at that and Zed chuckled. She pushed off the wall and said excitedly to her parents, "Three inches! _Three_!"

"That's amazing, Lily," he said.

Lily grinned, turning her attention to Addison. "Mommy, how tall are you?"

"Five foot, two inches."

"I'm almost as tall as Mommy!" Lily exclaimed, making both Zed and Scotty laugh. "When did you get that tall?"

"Oh, she's been the same height since she was thirteen, at the least," Zed said.

Addison's mouth fell open and Zed gave her a cheeky smile, while Scotty and Lily giggled. "Come on Lilianne, let's check your blood pressure," he said, helping her onto the table.

Addison gave Zed a glare while Scotty continued Lily's vitals. "That was unnecessarily mean," she grumbled.

"Was I wrong though?"

"You didn't even know me when I was thirteen."

"You haven't told me that I was wrong," he pointed out. He casually slung an arm around her shoulders. "It's all good. I can rest my head on top of yours, 'cause you're so short."

Addison grumbled under her breath, until she got another text. She immediately lifted her phone to glance at it and Zed couldn't help but sneak a peek, seeing that it was in fact coming from Eliza, an old friend of theirs from high school.

"How'd you get Eliza's phone number?"

Addison jumped, pocketing her phone. "Don't snoop," she chastised. "And if you must know, I have it committed to memory."

That was even more odd. He raised a confused eyebrow at her and asked, "Why?"

Addison tapped her temple twice and said, "I've got all the important numbers up here. Don't question it."

"Uh, okay?"

It was weird. Eliza was Zed's best friend back in high school, who became Addison's friend by association when Zed and Addison became best friends. She was even a bridesmaid in their wedding. Of course, since then, they hadn't talked much. Every once in a while, he'd have a random conversation with his friend, other than the annual birthday or holiday texts.

"Why are you texting my friend?" Zed asked.

"Eliza is my friend too," Addison pointed out. "We had all the same friends, Zed."

He ignored her comment and said, "I don't even text her that much."

"I know, she told me."

"What?"

Addison shrugged innocently. "We'd go out for coffee sometimes. It's fun."

Zed raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm sure you had a great time with _my_ best friend when you were running away from your family," he said harshly under his breath.

She glared at him and whispered, "Fuck you."

Zed bit his tongue to keep from spitting, '_You have_.'

"Alright Mr. and Mrs. Necrodopolus," Scotty said. Zed and Addison looked up at the PA, seeing Lily was sitting on the tall bed behind him. "Everything looks to be okay, Dr. Ellie will be in in a minute."

"Thank you," Zed said.

Scotty left the room and Addison slipped out from under Zed's arm, taking the seat beside the bed. Zed slipped Lily's backpack from his shoulder and put her iPad and headphones away, placing it on the floor beside Addison's feet. She crossed her arms and ignored him, in true Addison nature.

* * *

After her checkup with Dr. Ellie, they migrated upstairs to Dr. Mau's office. It's a giant space, couches in one corner and a play around taking up space in the majority of the room. Dr. Mau greeted them, setting Lily up with the toys and sending her parents to go play with her too. Well, Addison did.

Zed didn't want to intrude on their mother daughter time. Plus, he figured Dr. Mau had seen him playing with Lily enough.

Yet, Dr. Mau stopped beside him, watching Lily and Addison along within him. "Mr. Necrodopolus," Dr. Mau said. "Mind stepping into my office?"

Zed furrowed his brows. They were _already_ in her office, watching Lily and Addison play with the toys. But Dr. Mau tilted her head to the chairs on the other side, away from the toys, separated by a wall and a door, like a mini-officer within the office. He begrudgingly nodded, following her and sitting heavily on the couch against the wall. She sat in a chair adjacent to him, giving them both a view of Lily and Addison.

"Is everything okay?" Zed asked.

Dr. Mau gave him a cheeky grin. "Well that's what I'm gonna find out, Zed," she teased.

He forced a chuckle. "Okay, fair. I just meant if everything was alright with Lily."

"I didn't call you here to talk about Lily. I wanted to talk about you."

"Me? No offense, but aren't you a children's therapist? Isn't this a little…out of your jurisdiction?"

"To know Lily, and to help her, I have to get a full breakdown of the people around her," she explained. "Which I can usually figure out with older kids. But Lily is five, so I have to do a little outside research."

Zed nodded, sinking into the couch. Of course, that all made sense. Lily rarely ever had actually talking sessions with Dr. Mau. She couldn't hold any type of conversation if she wasn't interested in it. Still, he'd never been…therapistized. Oh god, did it make him a bad father if he sent his daughter to therapy and didn't want to go himself? That was like, in the big handbook of parenting, right?

"How have you been, Zed?"

"Good. Tired."

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Zed agreed, nodding. "It's been a long week. Month. Summer."

Dr. Mau raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

Zed rolled his eyes and said, "Addison being back, of course. It's just been so… _frustrating_"

Dr. Mau gave him the typical therapist look, _Continue_.

"It's just… shaking up the dynamic," Zed complains. "I was so used to it just being the kids and I. Yeah it was stressful, but we made it work. And now that she's back, it's…weird, figuring out where she fits in the family. And not to mention that she left without saying _anything_. We've talked about it, but she never gave me a real reason why she left. And believe me, I'm glad to have her back, but there's so much tension… I feel like it could be how it was before she left, but there's still stuff we need to resolve before everything feels normal again."

Dr. Mau blinked at him, "You literally just did my job for me," she said.

Zed laughed nervously, his hand on his neck. "I guess I've just needed someone to talk about it with. All of my coworkers insist that this is the perfect opportunity for Addison and I to get back together. And it feels weird to talk to them about all the _problems_ between us."

Dr. Mau nodded, "Well, it is typical for things to feel uncomfortable when a family is experiencing a transition. But it seems like what you really need is to talk things out with Addison. I understand that you've talked before, but maybe you should let her know that it would make you feel more comfortable if she was more open with you about what happened. What have the kids been doing?"

"They've been super happy with her. I kind of feel like, 'cause Addison has so little experience with this family, she's been acting a little like a kid herself. She gives into whatever they ask her for. The other day, I came home, and the whole kitchen was _trashed_. The kids were covered in flour and sugar and I don't even _know_ what," Zed sighed, "I get that she's happy to be with them, but I wish she realized that we got on without her. It was hard, but we did it, and now she's just shaking things up and raising them the way _she_ wants to."

"What have the kids said about it? Are they confused? Have you explained the situation to them—that mom is living with them and dad but they're not together?"

"Well, yeah, I talked about it with them. Aidan understood, but seemed sad about it. I still have to explain it to Nicky—he seems to get it but he's still asking me a lot of questions about it. And Lily doesn't really get it. She still thinks we're together."

"If I may ask, do you think there's a chance for you and Addison to get back together?"

"Well," he started, unsure of how the sentence would end, "I mean… if Addison thought there was a chance… I _guess_ I could consider getting back together with her." At this point, Zed wasn't even making eye contact with Dr. Mau. She gave him a _Really?_ look and Zed felt his whole face go red.

"Okay, I still have feelings for her. And I'm really trying to make it work, but I don't think she feels the same way. She isn't being honest with me about where she was for all those years and until she does, I don't think it'll work." Zed paused for a second, "And for all I know, she ran off with someone else and started a new life."

Addison's sharp laugh stole his attention, his eyes jumping over to them. Lily was skillfully building with legos, probably with her tongue stuck out in the adorable way she didn't whenever she was concentrating. Addison laughed along with whatever was going on with Lily, every few minutes going on her phone. Probably texting Eliza still. He could just see her smile though, her adorable giggle. Everything about her was amazing.

Zed sighed. "But, the second she showed up at our doorstep, I knew that what I felt for her never went away. I just wish things were so much simpler."

* * *

Hours later, they get home with their kids. Zed took them upstairs to get cleaned up while Addison stayed in the kitchen to make dinner. After all the kids were clean, Zed sent them to their rooms to get dressed, and went downstairs to check on dinner.

He walked into the kitchen, where Addison was sitting on the counter and typing on her phone. Like she had been doing all day, everyday, for weeks. Well, he was sure she occasionally spent some time with their kids. But whenever he saw her on her own, she was on her phone. He'd been ignoring it forever, but, well, after spending twenty minutes with Dr. Mau and a lot of time evaluating the past few weeks alone…well, it did bother him. Way more than it reasonably should have, at least. Even if he was overreacting, it still bugged him a lot.

"Hi Zed. What are you doing creeping in the doorway?" Addison asked without looking up from her phone.

"I-uh—I forgot why I came in here," he lied. "Are you still texting Eliza?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Zed nodded stiffly, his head cast down.

_Addison had disappeared during lunch, and hadn't shown up to study hall. After fifteen minutes without a word from her, Zed went on the hunt, finding her underneath the bleachers on the football field—her favorite hiding spot. Luckily, it didn't seem like she was crying, like she usually did when she was there. _

"_Adds?" he asked. _

_She looked up, eyes bleary and watery. "Hey…" _

_He stepped through the frames of the bleachers, sitting down next to her. She rolled her sleeve over her fist and held it to her nose, trying not to cry. "What's wrong?" he asked. "You disappeared." _

_She shrugged, tilting her head away from him. "It's nothing." _

"_It's not nothing if you're upset," Zed told her. "You can trust me, Addy. A and Z, forever." _

_She looked at him, eyes watering. "Forever?" _

"_Best friends for life," he assured her with a smile. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, nuzzling her head. "Tell Zeddy what's one your mind." _

_She nodded slowly. "If…if I tell you, you have to swear not to tell anyone." _

"_Of course." _

"_And-and you can't think of me different," she added. "I'm still your best friend, okay?"_

_He nodded. "I promise." _

"_Okay." She sighed playing with her hands in her lap. "I…I think I might…have a crush. On this girl." _

Oh.

"_And I'm freaking out, and I hate this so much," she rambled. "It's like…everyone always tells me that I'm gonna grow up and marry a nice lawyer or doctor who makes bank and have cute little babies. And-and I don't want to…disappoint my mom and dad. But I haven't liked a guy, in like, a long time. And—what if they hate me?" _

"_Oh, Addy," he whispered. "There's nothing wrong with being gay." _

"_But…I'm really confused," she confessed. "I've…I've been interested in guys before. And now there's this girl. And it doesn't make any sense." _

"_Listen, Addy, I don't know exactly what to say to you," he admitted. "But, I'll always be with you. So we can hide out here until the bell rings, or we could do some…research? Maybe?" _

_Addison nodded, sliding out from under his arm and standing up. She looked at him, her eyebrows creased with worry. "Still the same old Addison?" she asked. _

"_Same old Addy." _

He was _so_ stupid! Why did it take him so long to realize? She'd said she was with Eliza, his notoriously gay friend, the entirety of the three years. And Eliza was ten times more fun that he was. Of course his wife would leave him for Eliza, it was the most logical thing that only an idiot like him could miss.

"Zed?"

His head snapped toward her, eyes wide and chest tight. Oh great, he was hyperventilating. "Uh, yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Addison asked. "You look like…you're freaking out."

Zed forced a smile that definitely didn't help his case. "Oh yeah! I'm completely fine. Nothing to worry about."

Addison shot him a look, shaking her head. There was no way he was fooling her. "We've been best friends since we were fourteen, you really think you can lie to me?"

"You won't be happy, if I were to tell you," he admitted slowly. If he were right, if she had a thing with Eliza all those years, then she wouldn't admit it now. Not after constantly assuring him for weeks that she hadn't been cheating on him.

"Come on," she said with a grin. "Tell Addy what's wrong."

"Will you be one hundred percent honest with me?"

"Depends what you ask," she teased. At his worried look, she softened up. "I'll answer you, as truthfully as I can. I promise."

"Okay." He nodded. He glanced away from her, eyes on her reindeer socks…that she chose to wear in the middle of July. Weird. Irrelevant, but weird. "I…I feel like you lied. About not cheating on me, while you were away."

"Huh?" Zed lifted his eyes to her face, watching her confused head tilt. "What are you talking about? I would never cheat on you."

"Then…then what were you doing with Eliza?" he asked, folding his arms. He managed to keep a straight face, though his eyes kept shifting over her face. Her features relaxed and she hopped off the counter, walking toward him. She unfolded his arms and he sighed, slouching.

"You know I'm gonna tell her you were jealous of her, right?"

Zed frowned. "I'm not joking, Addison. Just…I need to know."

She smiled, slipping her hands in his and holding them at his side. They were so close they were nearly touching. "Eliza's cute, but you're cuter," she said softly, making him blush. "I would never leave you for her. Never ever."

Zed chewed just lip, giving her a slow nod. She sounded sincere…she _looked_ sincere. But…it still didn't explain why she was constantly texting Eliza, if they didn't have something going on on the side. Addison went to her instead of him, her own husband. How could he believe her?

It was like she read her mind and added, "I only ever thought of you."

"What?"

"I-I showed the kids this picture that I had," she explained. "From when Lily was born. I could only have a few things with me."

His breath caught in his throat. She cared, she really cared about them, about their family. "And you had that?" he asked.

"And you," she added. "My ring. I wore it around my neck, and every night, I'd think about you. Every night."

"Wait…" Something wasn't making much sense. She was with Eliza, but she couldn't have anything with her? "Why were you and Eliza doing then?"

"She, um, she asked me for help," she said vaguely. Zed raised an eyebrow. "Just legal stuff. Things were supposed to be wham bam and back home…then…" Her grip tightened, her eyes shifting. "Things kinda went south." She nodded, biting her cheek. She didn't want to talk about it, she never did. And, for the first time, he didn't care if she told him.

"I get it, Adds," he said quietly. "You'll tell me when I need to know. I know."

She gave him a slight smile, leaning closer. "I'm sorry…"

"Where's your ring?" Zed asked curiously.

Addison let go of one of his hands, reaching into her shirt and pulling out her necklace, where her engagement ring and wedding band were sitting. She held them up between them, smiling softly. Zed slowly lifted his own hand, holding the rings with her.

"I thought you'd gotten rid of them," he admitted.

"I didn't think it'd be appropriate to wear them," she told him. "But I would never get rid of them. It's all I ever had to remember you—us. I mean, the picture was nice, I wish I could've had something to look at, but I'm glad to have—I was more than happy to just hold my rings. And remember you."

The ring slipped out of their fingers. "I…I missed you," he whispered, his hand raising to cradle her jaw. "So much. I didn't think you missed me too."

"Everyday," she breathed. "Every hour, every minute, every second I was away from you, I missed you."

Zed leaned down, their eyes fluttered closed and their noses bumped together, like they always did when they kissed. Except before their lips could touch, a booming crash from upstairs made them jump and pull away, both looking toward the stairs. The crash was followed by shouting from their kids.

Zed glanced at Addison, seeing her run her fingers through her hair and drop her necklace back in her shirt. Without looking at him, she said, "You go ahead and get started on dinner."

She rushed up the stairs, heading to deal with whatever was going on with the kids. Zed sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head. It was a moment, just a moment. Sure, he had indirectly admitted all his feelings to her, and she probably most likely did the same. But this wasn't just about him. It never would be.

The same reason he never dated after she left. He had three kids, his whole world. Things were different than they were years ago. They weren't the same people.

Everytime he said that, he believed it less and less.

Addison was still Addison, the woman he loved. She'd changed, he'd changed, and that change hadn't been together, but she was still Addison. Kind, caring Addison. The same Addison who told him everything, no matter what. He thought that maybe she wasn't the same woman she had once been, that maybe she wasn't in a place where she wanted to be with him, and that she found someone else better for her. But now that he knew she felt the same way, it felt like everything was fitting into place. And, no matter how much it bothered him, he knew that if he needed to know about the past three years, she'd tell him.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Chapter 11…big one right here. **

**TRIGGER WARNINGS: there's a line break towards the end, after the scene where they change. The following scene is an intense panic attack that includes multiple flashbacks of assault and death. It is the last scene of the chapter. **

**If you wish to skip it, there will be an end note that summarizes what you need to know going into chapter 12. As the author, I recommend skipping after: **

_**Her hearing is already going fuzzy, her vision wavering between past and present. Spills weren't okay, they were never okay. Not all stains could be washed out, and he got mad when they couldn't be washed out and she got—**_

**Trigger warnings in this chapter! Proceed with caution. **

* * *

Zed rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, squeezing it affectionately. She couldn't help but smile, glancing up at her husband. They walked the shores of Aruba, the beach sparse with only a few vacationers from their resort less than a mile off.

"Anything you wanna do today, Mrs. Necrodopolus?" he asked.

"Well Mr. Necrodopolus," Addison said with a giggle. "I really wanna try out an ATV."

Zed raised his eyebrows. "You're so adventurous. I love it."

"I'd hope so, you're the one who married me."

Zed laughed and spun her so she was in front of him, bending down to steal a kiss. Her stomach fluttered, still getting butterflies every time he kissed her. Or maybe…yeah, it was just the baby kicking. _Their _baby. Addison giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her dream faded to nothingness, her shoulders being gently rocked. She was pulled back to reality, the dark reality that was the living room, the intense beating of rain pouring down outside momentarily distracting her from the kid who was waking her up.

Addison groaned, her eyes quickly adjusting. Lily was standing beside her, her face twisted in worry, her rag doll clutched tightly in her hands.

"Mm, what's wrong, Baby?"

On cue, thunder roared, shaking the whole house. Lily clutched her doll tighter. Addison gave her a soft smile, pulling her up onto the couch. Lightning flashed, illuminating Lily's terrified face. Addison smoothed out her daughter's hair, smiling softly. "It's okay Baby, I got you."

"I can sleep here? With you?"

Addison shook her head, sitting up. "We'll do something way more fun. And you'll be right asleep, and safe and sound. Promise."

* * *

Addison was yanked out of sleep, _again_, by her boys jumping onto her, knocking all the wind from her lungs.

"I wanna sleep on the floor too!"

"This is so _unfair_! How come Mommy and Lily get to build a fort!"

"I wanna sleep in the living room!"

"_Daddy_!"

Just as soon as they had attacked her, her sons were pulled off of her chest, still kicking and screaming, way too alive and alert for just waking up. Addison rubbed her eyes and saw Zed giving her an apologetic smile, holding Nicky and Aidan under each arm.

"Did you brush your teeth?" Zed asked them.

"Yes!" the boys whined.

"I don't believe you, go brush." Zed set them down and shooed them to the stairs. He pulled Lily from the pile of pillows on the floor, walking her to the stairs and giving her the same instructions he'd given the boys.

Addison watched him with mild amusement, sitting up against the couch. Zed turned back and smiled at her, his very dazzling smile he always had in the early morning. He walked back to her and tilted his head.

"So…why exactly did you destroy our living room?"

_Our _living room.

Her heart shouldn't have fluttered as much as it did when he called it 'our living room.' But she couldn't help but inwardly squeal.

"Lily was having a bad night. We had a little sleepover is all." She smiled and he laughed.

He crouched down beside her. "I expect nothing less from Addison Necrodopolus, queen of sleepovers."

She couldn't help but freeze for a moment. He called her Addison Necrodopolus. Sure, that was her name. But, hearing him say it was…phenomenal.

Zed furrowed his brows, confused. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," Addison said. "Just…nothing."

Zed chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. Addison gave him a smile and held out her hands. "Help me up, Old Man."

He laughed again and stood, reaching down and pulling her up with a grunt. "I'm getting too old for that," he grumbled. Addison giggled, letting Zed walk her to the kitchen. He was holding her hand still.

"If you're too old, I'm too old."

Zed gave her a dazzling smile and said, "Oh, you're nothing if not the picture of youthful beauty."

She stumbled a little and he caught her around the waist before she could actually fall, giving her a worried smile. "Are you sure everything's okay, Addy?" he asked.

She laughed awkwardly, patting his chest. This was weird, right? She wasn't imagining that all of this was happening.

It had been four days since they had taken Lily to the doctor, since Addison had basically confessed to still being madly in love with him, since they almost kissed. Four days where she'd catch him staring at the table, where goodnight hugs lingered a little longer than they should.

Four days. But it had never been…blatant compliments, or hand-holding. Or being held so close like she was now, his brown eyes searching her face for some answer to a question she wasn't quite sure of.

"Um, yeah! I'm good," Addison said. She patted his chest and his eyebrows jumped in surprise. "I just—coffee. I will be much better after my morning coffee."

Zed chuckled. "I'll make the coffee. Black, right?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah, Yup. I'm gonna—check on the kids."

"Okay?"

He looked at her a little longer, then finally released her, giving her a smile then heading to the counter. Addison huffed, steeling her nerves. She was fine, they were fine, she was just overthinking everything.

* * *

Zed left after breakfast, heading out to the store to buy some last-minute supplies with Bonzo. The boys had run off with Amira to the living room, within eyesight, playing some video game that Bree had made sure wasn't banned. Not after the Mario Kart accident. Luckily, Lily had sat in the kitchen with her mother, her toys laid out on the floor with her, pushed off in the corner. She was out of the way of Addison and Bree, who were making their fair share of food for the annual Shady Hills Fire Department BBQ.

It was the first one Addison was going to in almost six years. She hadn't gone since she had had Lily, and even after Lily was too anxious to go to the barbecue. Zed had told her though that Lily liked the party (as long as she was with him).

Now she'd have both her parents to comfort her. So long as everything went absolutely perfectly. And no one brought up Addison being gone. And she didn't have a panic attack. Which she hadn't had in two weeks—a nightmare, a few days after the mall incident.

But things were going great now. No nightmares, not many more behavioral mishaps (though Nicky and Aidan seemed to be fighting more and more; Zed was always there to help resolve some issues). Addison was happy, the kids were happy, even Zed was happy. Tired, but happy. (And flirty.)

"Addy," Bree chimed from beside her, snapping the other girl out of her thoughts, "I think the ribs are burning."

Addison's eyes widened as she scrambled to grab a potholder and reach for the oven, pulling it open and being met by a wall of smoke as she pulled the tray out. She removed the glass dish from the oven tray, which holds one of the main meals for the picnic, hastily placing it on top of the stove.

She shut the oven door as Bree peered over her shoulder, accessing the damage.

"Do you think they'll notice?" Addison asked worriedly, poking at the sticky meat with a fork, watching as the meat tenderly fell from the bone.

Bree giggled despite herself and placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, "I guess they call it smoked ribs for a reason, Ads."

Addison smacked her playfully in the shoulder, turning around with a sigh and checking over all the kids, surprised the smoke alarm didn't end up going off. That was the last thing she needed on a stressful day like today. Not that today was supposed to be stressful—it was supposed to be _fun_—but Addison couldn't stop the worry from clawing at her, that maybe the day would go wrong, that maybe she would do something wrong and be back at square one with Zed after how far they had gotten.

She didn't want that.

She loved him.

"Addy? You okay?" Addison met Bree's eyes as she rested her elbows on the kitchen island beside her, looking over at her in concern, her eyebrows pulled up.

Sometimes Addison wondered how she got so lucky with Zed, and then with Eliza, and then with Bree.

They all cared about her so much and she…

"I'm just thinking."

"About Zed?" Bree joked lightly, her words bringing a small smile to Addison's face. She wished it were that simple. "How are things going with him?"

Addison exhaled, wringing her hands. "Really, really good. I've missed him _so_ much, Bree you have no idea. It was so hard without him."

"Did you tell him why you were gone, yet?"

Addison stared and Bree nodded, pursing her lips. She looked like she wanted to say something but didn't want to at the same time. It made Addison's heart pound; what if all of this was wrong and she had no right to miss Zed in the first place? What if Bree was about to tell her how shitty she really was?

Addison didn't think her heart would be able to take it, being alone again. She didn't want to be alone ever again.

"Addy," Bree started, careful and quiet, "you need to tell him. Obviously, you two are growing together again, and things are going really good which I am so happy to hear because you deserve it. But you need to tell him the truth before things go too far. Before his feelings go too far. If he falls in love with you again—not that he ever stopped—and it's all built on something so fragile, like withholding why you were gone, it could collapse so fast."

She reached out for her friend, grabbing her hands, squeezing them in reassurance. "I just don't want you to get hurt. Unintentionally. Okay?"

Addison's heart pounded. Her palms were sweaty. Even thinking about...all of it, everything...made her feel like she was on the verge of the panic attack to end all panic attacks.

"Bree I just…I feel like he'll never forgive me."

Bree smiled, soft and loving. "He always will, Addy. You're something he'll never let get away."

"Hey! No fair! It's my turn!"

"No, mine!"

And just like that, their moment is shattered by the boys bickering, Addison hurrying over to intervene. Bree's conversation stays with her, even hours later, when they're arriving at the BBQ and Zed's arm is brushing against hers as they walk.

The grass was still damp from the rain during the night, though kids are still running and playing, completely unfazed. Once they're close enough, the boys ask their father for permission, then immediately run off to find their friends. Lily had attached herself to Zed, making him carry her through the park, forcing Addison to balance the two trays in her arms.

Her eyes danced around the park. She swore everyone was staring at her. If she wasn't holding food, she would shrink within herself, trying to get away from the peering eyes. Then she caught Lily's blue eyes watching her over Zed's shoulder, wide, crystal clear, dancing over Addison in anticipation.

Okay, deep breaths. She needed to be strong. If not for herself or for Zed, their relationship, then for Lily. Her baby girl needed her to stay strong. She could handle a few wandering eyes as long as she had something to fight for. If not herself, her sanity, her _husband_, then for Lily.

They stopped at a picnic table and Addison put on a smile. The people before her tickled her memory. Zed's work buddies. Lexi Coulborn smiled at Addison, and her husband, Jonathan Coulborn, turned from the grill and gave them an equally enthusiastic grin.

"Zed and Lily Necrodopolus," Jonathan greeted. "Where are the twins?"

Zed chuckled, shaking his head. "Probably off somewhere, ruining their clothes, taking another ten years off my life," he joked.

Jonathan laughed. His eyes landed on Addison and widened a fraction in surprise. She shifted under his state for a moment, then steeled herself. '_You, Zed, Nicky, Aidan, Lily. You got this_.' Lexi smiled at her and Addison ignored the incredulous look Jonathan kept giving her.

Luckily (or unluckily, Addison wasn't sure how grateful she was for it yet) Zed slung his arm over her shoulders. "Lex, Jon, you guys remember Addy."

"Of course, see her at the SHAC all the time," Lexi said, grinning. She eyed Zed knowingly for a second and added, "Your…wife, right?"

Addison stared blankly. Was she? Would he?

"Of course," Zed said. Addison looked up at him, barely catching the much softer smile he gave her. "Who also made ribs," he added. "Where do you want them?"

"You can just set them down anywhere, we're gonna eat in like, fifteen," Lexi said.

Addison nodded, ducking out from under Zed and placing the trays on the table. Jonathan was still staring, she could feel his eyes on her. There's nothing wrong with her, everything was fine.

"Hey, we'll be back in a bit," Zed said to his coworker. He didn't bother to wait for an answer, already turning and leading Addison away.

Everything was okay.

* * *

Addison and Lily sat quietly at the end of the table, each eating half of a burger. Lily made a mess that Addison quietly teased her about, and she giggled, actually giggled. Lily ended up getting ketchup and mustard everywhere, including on Addison. But on the bright side, Zed managed to snag them both tee shirts that usually cost five bucks each.

"This is huge!" Addison commented, staring down at the tee-shirt whose sleeves nearly touched her elbow and whose hem was almost at her knees.

"I just got it in my size," Zed admitted. "Now I have two. One for me, and one for you to steal."

Addison laughed. "You know me so well."

"I do, don't I?" His arm found its way around her shoulders again. His head tilted down and he asked, "How you holding up?"

She tensed, looking at him from the corner of her eyes. "I'm…I'm okay," she whispered.

"You sure? We can leave whenever you're ready."

Addison looked back to the bathroom stalls. Aidan and Nicky would be out any minute. They were having an amazing time with their friends, running and playing and eating. She couldn't take that fun away from them.

One more hour wouldn't hurt. They could stay a little after dark, experience the park after dark. If she remembered right, they would even bust out blankets and watch a movie on a projector. She used to cuddle with Zed, the boys in their laps. They could watch movies and cuddle again, just like old times.

Addison looked back at Zed and gave him a smile. "I'm sure. Plus, I'd feel bad making Lexi and Jane and Jackson clean all by themselves."

Zed breathed a chuckle, rubbing her shoulder. "Okay," he said. "Just let me know if something changes, okay?"

She smiled. "I will."

* * *

They sit under the fluorescent lights of the park, waiting while Sierra Elliott, Dave Maguire, and James Moyer set up the movie screen. The kids had all tired themselves out and were under the pavilion, munching on the desserts.

Lily laid back against her mother, silently eating a cookie nearly the size of her face. It was pretty adorable; Addison was pretty sure Zed had taken a picture of the scene.

Behind them, Dave Maguire clapped his hands. "Alright, party people," he said, calling the room's attention. "Let's head on over for the movie. Grab your partners and your kiddos."

Zed got up first, smiling and turning back to his daughter and Addison. "Come on, Lilybeth," Zed said. Addison frowned at him since that definitely wasn't her name, but he ignored her, pulling Lily out of Addison's lap. "Go get your brothers, and find us a nice spot for the movie."

"Kay!"

They both watch Lily go, then look back at each other, smiling. A smirk crept onto her lips. "Lilybeth?" She said, an eyebrow cocked.

"What? It makes her sound posh! Like the maid of a large British estate. 'Oh Lilybeth, would you please get me another spot of tea.'" Zed said, doing his worst British accent.

Addison giggled. _This_ was why she married him.

Zed held out his hand, offering it to her.

Addison's eyes flickered between his outstretched hand and his face for a moment before she smiled and accepted the help with a shake of her head.

"What?" Zed asked with a smirk, tugging her to her feet with an exaggerated grunt. "Gotta help my old lady to her feet don't I?"

She gasped in horror, reaching over and smacking him in the chest. "I am not old, shut up! You're the one with grey strands in your hair!"

"Am _not_," he replied, holding out his arm for Addison to hold onto as they followed the crowd towards where the movie projector was set up, Aladdin already started, blankets and popcorn buckets spread out underneath a starry sky.

She spotted the kids towards the back, huddled around each other, Lily looking between her brothers and the blanket and obviously debating where to sit with a small hand to her chin.

"I think you're just jealous that I'm going to be a silver fox soon enough and that I'll still be the good looking one in this relationship," Zed said with another smirk.

Addison's heart skipped a beat at the suggestion, so carefree in how he says it. There's so much packed behind such a simple word that it nearly takes her breath away but she pushes through, snapping back with a comeback.

"You're just saying that because you know you're going to go grey before me," she had looked over at him when she said it, a laugh already bubbling from her lips, and they stopped in the middle of the field, other families pushing around them.

He looked down at her, something in his eyes she thinks she understands. Love, possibly, maybe, hopefully.

She would never forget the way he looked at her, the way the corners of his mouth crinkle into a smile, the way his eyes shine, the bops to her nose when she was expecting a kiss.

She'd never forgotten _him_.

She never could.

Him, _their_ kids, this life they built together, Zed and Addison against the world and then some. She never stopped loving him, never stopped thinking of him, never stopped missing him, never stopped, never stopped not once.

Maybe he never stopped either.

His hand reached up, his calloused fingers brushing softly across her cheek, causing her skin to prickle with goosebumps. When he cupped her cheek, his warm palm flat against her cold skin, she leaned into his touch, her emotions surging all together into one.

She wanted to kiss him.

She wanted to kiss him until she felt nothing else but his lips, kissing him long after the moon had faded away and been replaced by the sun. To kiss him goodnight and good morning, to kiss him when he has bad breath or after he munches on those damned sunflower seeds he loves but she hates the flavor of.

Because that's what love is.

Because that is what their love has always been like—constant, fulfilling, an '_always_' in the face of uncertainty.

Zed made the first move, his head ducking down as he began to lean in, his eyes slipping closed, her hand slipping down to grip at the hem of his shirt, fingers catching on the stitching. She closed her eyes, taking the jump, leaning in and _hoping—_

Someone hit her arm and her eyes flew open as she jerked away out of instinct, hitting something with the hand that was previously holding onto Zed. A foam plate went flying, Zed's eyes widening just in time to see barbecue sauce land on his shirt, soaking the bottom half of it. The piece of rib hit the ground as Addison took a step back in absolute fear, her eyes zeroed in on Zed's now ruined shirt.

The man who had been carrying the plate immediately began to apologize to Zed, explaining how he hadn't been paying attention to where he was going and that the sauce was too damn good to resist not getting an extra cup of, congratulating his wife on the amazing food, but Addison didn't hear any of it.

Her hearing is already going fuzzy, her vision wavering between past and present. Spills weren't okay, they were never okay. Not all stains could be washed out, and he got mad when they couldn't be washed out and she got—

Memories flash before her eyes, and she remembers that last morning, remembers her last conversation with Zed, remembers feeling so cold and empty and foreign as she had gathered her favorite clothes, looked at all her babies one last time, looked at the love of her life one last time before walking out that door and never turning back.

It was the right thing to do. To keep them safe. Everything she did was to keep them safe, after all. She wonders if she picked that up from Zed over the years, him and his stupid trait to always help out the little guy, to always put himself in danger over anyone else, to always take the hit.

...she always took the hit.

Somewhere far off, she hears Zed. "Addy? Addy, you good?"

Is she? Was she?

She doesn't know where she is anymore.

"Ah ah ah." His voice cuts through like a knife. Sharp, cold metal under her chin, cutting gently into her skin. Slowly, her head moved, her eyes traveling up to his face. Black eyes. Cold, unforgiving, malicious. They bore into her soul and her heart pounded harder, blood rushing through her eardrums.

"Eyes on me, Princess."

She gulped but didn't say a word, her eyes never leaving his. Just listen. Just listen. Just listen to him.

He smiled, sending ice across her skin. Not again, not again.

"That's a good girl."

"Good." She blinked, white flashing across her vision. Then it's dark, a yellow street light illuminating her path. Someone else, voice lighter, kinder. Familiar. "Good work Addison, almost cheer captain material."

A laugh bubbled in her chest but she felt sick, stomach turning, heart pounding. Dirty. So dirty.

Rolling in the grass, down the hill, laughing with her little princess. She deserved the world, a world Addison couldn't give her. She could never give her.

Fingers dug into her wrist and she whimpered, hands on her waist. Blue sky, white clouds, trees everywhere. And brown eyes, brown eyes that should save her.

"Addy?"

The goosebumps start, phantom fingers gliding across her back.

"_No_!" her voice broke, hands wrenching out of his grasp. No more. No more.

The fingers grab her waist and she's off the ground, kicking and screaming. "_Bucky! Bucky no!_"

Red and red and so much red. It doesn't stop, it never stops. It's his, always his.

Then it's hers. A little droplet, falling from her forehead. On the dirty floor with other discarded liquid. She's going to be sick.

"Look at the mess you've made," he scolded. There's a pause, then he boomed, "Look at me when I talk to you, Princess."

And so she does. Hollow cheeks and scruffy jawline, snarling and angry. _Screw up, screw up. Screw up. _

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice quivering. There's white on his dark slacks and then it's brown on a navy shirt and she's blubbering, in and out of it.

They're too much, they're all too much.

Before she knew it she's sobbing, in and out. Nothing's real, nothing makes sense. Nothing matters. Hands grab at her and arms cage her in and she screamed, kicking and thrashing.

_No more no more NO MORE. _

He lifted her again. "A Princess has to learn to obey."

Her chest burned, heat glaring up her throat. "_Stop!_" she cried, her begs and pleas falling on deaf ears. No more, no more. She can't take any more.

Sixteen.

Blood, blood. So much blood. Why won't it just _stop bleeding_? Her hands, warm and moist, covered her ears and she screamed and sobbed, rocking back and forth in a ball.

They-can't-hurt-you-they-can't-hurt-you-they-can't-hurt.

She screamed, twisting away.

_Run. Run! _

Her mind screamed, but she couldn't, she can't. No matter where she went, they'd find her. They'd always find her.

Rough fingers grab at her jaw and she whimpered, wheezing, trying to catch her breath before the inevitable. It wouldn't make it better, it wouldn't get better.

"Jellybean."

Everything froze. Her ears rang, vision blurry. That was Zed, that was Zed. Only Zed. No one else called her that, no one else.

"_Zed!_" she sang happily, bouncing into homeroom. "Look what my Secret Santa got me?"

He laughed at her antics, he always did. "What'd they get you, Addy?"

She sat on his desk, grinning. "Jellybeans. Six bags. This is the best day ever!"

They were fifteen. Fifteen. And he bought her as many jellybeans as he could, because she'd never had any. She may have only liked the red ones, but they ate all of them. Together.

"Jellybean, look at me."

Her eyes were on her shoes. She walked quietly and quickly, pushing through the crowds. Which was worse? Home or school. Home or school. Home or school.

"Addison!"

She ignored it, kept walking. School was worse, school was worse. At least she had friends at home and Zed. She wouldn't go back though, never again.

"Addison wait up! _Jellybean_! Slow down!"

She froze. No, no. The only person who ever called her that was on the other side of the country, far far away, locked away with all her nightmares. Still, she turned.

And he was there. He was always there.

* * *

**A/N: **

**FINAL SCENE SUMMARY: **

_**Somebody knocks into Addison with their plate, spilling sauce all across Zed's shirt. When she looks over and sees it, the ruined shirt causes her to relive previous things from her past, sending her into a massive panic attack where she can't tell reality from memory. Her memories consist of abuse and assault from someone, treading on the dangerous side. Towards the end, **__**Zed calls her by an old nickname ("Jellybean") which helps to pull her out of her dark memories.**_

**Hope you enjoyed this! Any guesses as to what the heck is going on? Guess right and win absolutely nothing! See yall for chapter 12!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Trigger warnings: Mentioned rape and miscarriage. Panic attacks**

* * *

The car ride home is silent. The radio is slightly muted, barely heard over the hum of the engine.

Zed couldn't help but glance at Addison every few minutes. Her fingers gripped her seatbelt, eyes out the window. She was still pale, incredibly pale. But she wasn't shaking or crying or hyperventilating anymore. That was good, right?

Who was he kidding? None of this was good. Nothing was ever going to be good again.

Everyone had been staring. _Everyone_. His coworkers, their families. His kids. Zed had taken Addison far off into the park, tried to calm her down from her meltdown.

Her screams still echoed in his ears, goosebumps flying across his skin.

Nothing had happened, nothing should've set her off. He didn't understand, he still didn't. Would he ever?

His eyes glance over at her. Was she always that pale? What were the signs? Why was he always missing the signs? She left she would leave she was going to run—running, running, she was always running.

Drive. Just focus on driving. Gently ease the brakes, left hand under, right hand around. Turn, slow, easy. Don't disturb the kids. Speed up, it's a main road. Control, control, maintain control. Red light. Ease the breaks. Not too fast and not too slow.

Okay, deep breaths. One of them needed a level head and it wasn't going to be Addison.

Zed looked over at her again. He couldn't help himself. Her hands laid flat on her thighs, her heels on her skirt, her fingers on her bare skin.

Her fingers danced.

It was a nervous tick she had.

Count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Thumb. Pointer. Middle. Ring. Pinkie. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Pinkie. Ring. Middle. Pointer. Thumb.

Someone honked and Zed jumped, his foot switching to the gas, the whole car jumping. The light was green, he was distracted. Focus on the road.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

_Her face was white, pale, aghast, absolutely terrified. Her eyes…they stayed glued to his front, to his shirt, the sauce. Her breathing became faster. She shook, her whole body vibrating, slightly unnoticeable if he wasn't so close to her. _

"_Addy?" he asked. "Addy, are you okay?" _

Left signal, blinker on. Side mirror. Wait for the car to pass. Front, side, back. Front, side, back. Frontsideback—ease into the lane, check the front.

_Her eyes lock on his, except they're not her eyes. Still blue, but not the same blue. She's not looking at him. Something else captivated her attention. Her breathing got harder, rushed, panting. _

'_No no no no.' Too late, too late. He was always too late. _

Aidan's foot connected with the back of Zed's seat, yanking him out of the memory. Just focus on the road, he just needed to concentrate on the road. "Are we there yet?" Aidan whined. "I gotta pee!"

Zed frowned, rolling his eyes. "Yes," he grumbled. "Hush."

Ease the brakes because the car in front was driving slow as flying fuck. Horn? No horn? He could just pass them. No, he couldn't. The turn was coming, they'd be home any minute now.

_Her eyes were red, shining, shimmering. Lip quivering, "No no no," she whispered. "Not again." Her breath came out in gasps. She was choking, practically choking on air. "Not again not again." Her voice quivered, whole body shaking. _

_Zed couldn't help himself. He grabbed her shoulders, trying to get her attention, to pull her out. "Addison? Addy, listen to me._"

Stop, brake, red light. Danger, red was danger. Red lights, red flags. All signs that he needed to stop, that there was danger. That something was wrong. He wouldn't miss them again, never again.

He always missed the red flags.

_Addison wretched out of his grasp, stumbling backwards. Sobs wracked her body, eyes dancing back and forth. "Bucky," she said, her voice raspy and desperate. "No! Bucky! _No!" _Her hands slammed into her temples, her cries getting louder. _

_Zed froze. Bucky, Bucky. Bucky was dead, why was she seeing Bucky? Bucky killed himself, a long time ago. _

_The park was silent, eerily silent. God, where were the kids? Addison wouldn't want them to see this—to see her breakdown completely. _

"_Bucky!" Her voice echoed through the park. _

_In the distance, far off, Zed heard one of the kids call to them. "Mommy?" "Daddy?" _

_What to do what to do what was he supposed to do? _

Turn left. Turn. Left. Turn. Just turn. Focus on driving. Nothing else but the road. Get his family home safe. He had to protect them. However he could.

"_Addy, please," he whispered, slowly getting closer to her. "Just breathe for me, Baby. Just breathe." _

_Her lips moved, her words just inaudible breaths until he got closer. "They can't hurt me they can't hurt me they can't hurt me." _

_He swallowed. Pain flared in his chest, traveling up his throat. None of it made sense, nothing made sense. _

The light changed to green and he eased the gas. No need to speed, no rush. It was almost eight o'clock in their tiny town, where nothing ever happened.

Stay in the right lane now. He would have to turn right soon, into their neighborhood. Then they would be home. And then what?

_Tears streamed down her cheeks, hands clenching against her skull. She kept shaking her head, kept murmuring and crying and sobbing. What was he supposed to do? How could he even help her if even saying her name set her off even worse? She wouldn't let him touch her. How could he help her? _

_He cried, his own tears falling at the sight of his wife, the love of his life, breaking down. Worse and worse. Further and further. And there was nothing he could do about it. _

Again, Aidan broke through Zed's spiraling thoughts, saving him from the repeat. "Daddy I have to pee!" he whined.

"We're almost home," Zed repeated.

_Home. He had to save her, had to ground her. Remind her she was okay and safe. That she had him. His mind flashed back to graduation, when he found her crying at her own graduation party. In the closet under her stairs. Her parents probably thought they were screwing down there, but he didn't care. _

_She was hurt, crying, scared. And he said it, to make her smile, maybe even laugh. It was silly and stupid, just a dumb thing she liked that was insanely adorable. _

"_Jellybean," he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. _

_And Addison froze, a strangled noise exposing her mouth as she came back to earth. He stepped closer until there was only a few inches between them. Slowly, ever so slowly, he reached up, his fingers wrapping around her wrists, pulling her hands from her head. _

"_Jellybean, look at me." _

_And she did._

Zed turned into their street. They were nearly there, nearly there. Then what? The kids would ask questions, and he didn't have answers to them. He would never have the answers they needed, the answers they deserved. And what about Addison? What would he say to her? What would happen?

One step forward. A million steps backwards.

* * *

Aidan was already inside, probably even in the bathroom. Nicky walked up the driveway, following his brother into the house, while Zed pulled a half asleep Lily out of the car. Addison stood beside him, watching, waiting.

She closed the door and they walked up to the door in silence. Thick, heavy silence. He locked the door when they were inside and they stood in the threshold for a moment. Waiting.

She was still scared, still twiddling her fingers. Deep, heavy breaths filled the silence. She was slowly panicking. Something was wrong, but not in her head. No, when it was in her head, it all happened faster than a hairpin trigger. She only breathed like that, when she was afraid of him.

"Zed—"

"We can talk later," he interrupted. He needed to give her some time to collect herself, get her bearings. "I'll put the kids to bed."

"O-okay." Her eyes lingered, wavering. She wanted to say more, she always did. Then her head fell. Zed held back a sigh. Progress, all that progres. Down the drain.

Zed started for the stairs. Get the kids to bed, then Addison. One thing at a time. One _step_ at a time. They would figure this out. It's what they did. Zed and Addison, they always figured it out, always made it work. No matter what.

They would get through this.

* * *

The silver handle was in the red, all the way in the red. But she felt nothing. Numb, nothing but numbness. Water rained down over her, hitting her scalp, her face, her chest, running down her body. But nothing. Felt nothing, saw nothing.

'_Screw up. Screw up. Screw up._'

Zed had held her, had soothed her, calmed her down. They breathed together. Smell the roses, blow out the candles. "_Just like me, Jellybean. Just follow my breaths, okay?_"

Just breathe. It shouldn't be hard to breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Smell the roses, blow out the candles.

_Bree yelled, but Addison couldn't understand her. Bree. Bonzo. The kids. Oh god, she was in the park, she was in the park at the biggest firefighter event of the year and had the worst panic attack of her life. In front of everyone._

_Her face remained in Zed's side as they left. Before the movie, _their _movie, their favorite movie that they always watched when one of them had a bad day. Or a good day. Or when they were bored. It was their movie, and they were missing it. And everyone was watching, staring at them as they left. _

She shut off the water, barely even clean. Air, air. She needed air. The bathroom was a sauna—she couldn't breathe, couldn't think. She just needed to breathe.

Movement caught her attention and she froze, turning her head to the mirror. Hair dark, wet, stringing around her hollow face, her red eyes, her puffy nose. Her skin was tinted pink but still too white, clinging to her bones. Ghastly.

She needed some air.

* * *

Bath, teeth, then bed. Lily was already half asleep, and easily went down, thankfully. Nicky and Aidan both sit on Nicky's bed, dressed in their pajamas, squeaky clean. They were waiting for him, waiting to ambush him—or more precisely interrogate him.

"Why aren't you in your own bed?" Zed asked.

Aidan stared at him, sighed, then asked, "What's wrong with Mommy?"

Zed paused. Aidan was smart, Nicky was smart. They were older too, they knew about things like this. One of the fifth graders last year had had a panic attack on a school wide field trip, something about ICE, Nicky had told him.

But that was different. They didn't know that boy. They knew their mother. Vaguely, but they still knew her. And they were hurting. They never teamed up like that, unless it was something serious or important.

Zed sighed, unsure what to tell them, how to make this better. He didn't know what was wrong. He probably would never know. He'd told her it was okay, he told her she didn't have to tell him.

He crouched in front of them, running his fingers through his hair. "Just go to bed, okay? Mommy will be okay—"

"How do you know that?" Nicky interrupted. "How—how can you be sure?"

"I—" Zed wavered. What would he tell them? What _could _he tell them? He didn't know. He didn't even know what the truth was, and he couldn't lie without knowing what he was lying about.

"I promise," he said slowly. "I promise, okay? That…that I'll tell you both what's going on. But I just don't know right now, okay?"

Nicky gave a slow nod. He glanced at his brother, then back at Zed. Brown, watery eyes stared at Zed. "You promised she'd come home. And then she didn't."

"This is different, Nicky—"

"She's gonna leave us again, isn't she?" Nicky asked, his voice thick and quivering from the effort to not cry.

"Nicky—"

He sniffed, his expression hardening. He crawled up his bed and under his covers, turning his attention away from Zed. "Goodnight, Dad."

_Dad_.

Nicky never…he never called him that. He was nine and innocent and played with legos and played dolls with his little sister and _still called Zed daddy_.

"Nicky—"

Nicky turned and faced the wall, shutting him out entirely. Aidan climbed off the bed and went to his own, crawling under his blanket.

Zed swallowed thickly, standing up. His kids were mad at him, his wife refused to talk to him. What more could he lose?

He left the kids room, standing in the hallway, scrubbing a hand over his face. How did everything go so wrong so fast? None of it made sense, nothing made sense.

'_Okay, calm down_,' he told himself. '_One thing at a time. _One thing at a time_. You can talk to the kids in the morning. Right now, just deal with Addison._'

He paused, glancing around the empty hallway. Wait. Where did Addison go? She had gotten out of the car, gone to the door. He remembered talking to her at the door. But what had happened after that? He didn't hear her following him up the stairs or go into any of the rooms. There was no water running or footsteps.

She was gone, she had to be gone.

"_I picked Nicky and Aidan up but I can't get a hold of Addison. Have you heard from her?" _

_Zed pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "No Bree. I haven't." He groaned. They were going to meet for lunch, him and Addison. But she never showed, and she didn't answer his texts. He just figured she got held up at work. But she hadn't taken the kids home. _

_What if something was wrong? _

"She can't be gone," he muttered to himself. "She has to be here. Don't freak out. Don't freak out."

_She was gone. All her stuff, her suitcase, her clothes. Everything, all gone. Zed and Bree and Bonzo searched the house frantically, looking for any sign of her. _

_She wasn't supposed to leave. It was a simple rule: write a note when you leave, put it on the fridge. _

_There was no note. Nothing on the fridge. Just nothing, nothing, no trace of her. Nothing. _

"Check the house," he said. "Just, check if she's here. She wouldn't have left."

He jogged down to Lily's room—dark and empty except for Lily of course—then he checked the bathroom. The lights were on, the floor wet from the bath the kids had had, the mirror covered in little toothpaste stains. He yanked back the shower curtain, hoping, _praying_ she was there. But nothing, nothing. Just the kids stupid toys.

"Shit." He stood at the counter, staring into the white sink. Where could she be? Where else was there?

Downstairs.

The couch, the living room. That was like her bedroom. She had to be there or…he shook his head. The other option was crazy, insane, highly unlikely.

She was clearly panicking, freaking out. Where did she go to calm down? What made her calm down?

His head whipped up, eyes boring into his own reflection. His answer, the only answer he or Addison needed.

_She rushed, pushing through the crowds. It was difficult, running through the hoard of college kids, dashing across the streets, nearly getting hit by skateboarders. _

"_Addison!" he shouted, trying to get her attention. To get her to stop. _

_He swore he saw her falter, but she kept going, crossing another road, speeding down a sidewalk. She wasn't listening, she couldn't hear him. But he needed her. He needed her so bad, needed to see her and be with her and hold her. _

"_Addison! Wait up!" He tried again. He needed her attention, he needed to get her attention. "Jellybean! Slow down!" _

_She stopped, in the middle of the foot traffic. Zed breathed a sigh of relief and ran towards her. She turned around, her mouth agape. _

_He stopped, only a few feet away from her. Give her space. He was desperate to see her, scrounging up the cash to fly out and visit, even waking up at three am. He just wanted to see her. It didn't matter if she didn't want to see him. _

"_Zed?" she asked. _

_She wanted to see him. _

_She missed him, just as badly as he missed her. He knew it. He didn't know why but he knew it. _

_He smiled, Addison reciprocating the expression. Then she ran the few steps between them, throwing herself in his arms. The weight lifted off his shoulders; he hugged her closer to his chest, burying his face in her hair. _

"_Oh my god, Zed, _Zed_," she whispered. "Are you—You're—" _

"_I'm here, Addy," he muttered. He squeezed his eyes closed, feeling tears slip down his cheeks. "I'm right here." _

"_Zed," she cried. "I-I missed you. _So _much." _

"_Me too," he whispered. "Me too." He sighed, melting against her. "I won't leave you again. Never, never again." _

_She sniffed, twisting her head up. Her blue eyes were red, staring at him, wavering, confused. "What?" _

"_Addy—Addison," he said. "I—I love you, and I—I miss you and I swear. I _swear _that it's you and me. I'm not leaving you. I'm not losing you again. Never again. Wherever you go, I go. You…You're my forever." _

"_Zed…" _

"_Marry me," he blurted. Her eyes went wide but he went on, already started. "I love you, you're my everything. It-it doesn't have to be now, but just—" _

_Addison laughed—and cried, joyous sobs bubbling from her throat and ending his tirade. "Yes, Zed, yes," she whispered. "I love you. I missed you. I'm here, whenever, wherever. It's you and me, Zed." _

Wherever he was.

* * *

Zed walked into his bedroom, breathing a sigh of relief. Addison sat cross legged on his bed, one of his old tee shirts from school hanging off her frame. He closed the door behind him and she looked up. Her pale cheeks were tear stained, hair still soggy, hanging over her shoulders. She had showered, but she had to have cried recently for the stains to still be there.

And he hadn't been there to help her, to comfort her.

"Addy—"

She scrambled off the bed, rushing toward him. He stopped and stared down at her. She blinked, breathing heavily, then finally said, "Zed." She paused, shaking her head. "Zed. I-I'm so sorry that I ruined the barbecue and I embarrassed you with your coworkers and your friends and—"

"Addy," he interrupted. Her eyes darted to his face, watering, fearful. She shouldn't be scared of him, she should never be scared of him. They were supposed to trust each other, have each other's backs. No matter what.

"Addy, listen to me," he said. "I don't give a shit about the party." Her brows furrowed at his harsh tone. He couldn't help it, the words flowed from his mouth in an uncontrollable geyser. "I don't care that people were looking or what they said. What they think of you or me or us or anything."

"Y-you don't?"

"No," he repeated firmly.

She nodded, slowly, her gaze drifted down. It was silent, her brain going a mile a minute, until she finally whispered, "Why are you mad? What…what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" he asked disbelievingly. "What's wrong? Well, Addy, I can go on and on about what's wrong!" Her eyes darted up to his face. She took a small step backwards, away from him.

No, wrong, he needed to calm down. He couldn't get angry, just because everything was going wrong so fast. It may have been her reiki, but yelling wouldn't help either of them.

"Addison, listen to me," he said. "For weeks, _weeks,_ I've been patient and giving you your time and space and letting you do what you came here for. You wanted a chance and I gave you one. But I can't keep doing this."

"Wha-what?"

Zed sighed, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Do you know how much it hurts everytime I ask you something, and you get defensive? Like you can't trust me? I always thought we told each other everything. You're the love of my life, Addison, and knowing you're hurting and knowing that you don't even trust me enough to tell me kills me inside. And I've been trying so hard, but I just want to help you. And I can't help you, if you don't trust me."

She blinked, her eyes watering and her lip quivering. "I do trust you," she whispered. "I trust you more than I trust myself. I just…I didn't want to tell you, because then you'd do the thing you always do where you feel bad for me and do whatever I want because you feel bad."

"I don't—"

"We've been together for almost twenty years, Zed, you do do that."

He bit his bottom lip in consensus. One of his hands lifted up to caress her cheek and she leaned into his touch, sighing and closing her eyes. "I love you," she whispered. "I always have, I always will. Nothing will ever change how much I love you."

Zed let out a soft sigh, leaning forward and pressing his lips to her forehead. "I love you too, I just want you to be safe, Addy."

"I want you to be safe too," she said. "It's…it's why I left."

Zed managed to keep a neutral face as he watched her take several painful breaths, then put her hand over his wrist, walking them back to the bed. He wasn't going to say anything, he would just listen to what she needed to say. They sat down and she moved his hand from her face to her lap, holding on with both of hers.

"I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to put you or the kids in any danger," she told him. "I went back to Seabrook, because Eliza had heard about a case going on that I could provide some evidence for, to put some really bad people behind bars."

His eyebrows went up in surprise and he had to bite his tongue to keep from commenting. Addison was finally opening up, and he wasn't about to ruin it by saying something stupid.

"When my mom was running for office, she got campaign funding from some…shady people. She was so sure she was going to win, so she kept taking more and more. And then she didn't…and we couldn't really pay them back." She took a shaky breath, running her hands through her hair. "The deal they made was that the guys could…_use_ me. And each time they'd knock off a couple thousand from the debt, so long as I wasn't physically hurt and no one knew."

Zed's stomach turned, his throat burning with the effort to not get sick. That was…sick, disgusting. Her own _parents_, prostituting her for their own benefit. He was going to be sick, he was going to be sick. Something about them always rubbed him the wrong way, but _that_…

'_Think about something else_.'

"When…when was this?"

"Sophomore year."

He gaped, unable to even formulate words. He knew her then, they were just friends but they were close. She had been a cheerleader, always smiling and peppy and finding the best in everyone and everything. And to think of what was actually going on in her life.

"The only reason I got out of it—it only stopped because…there was an accident. And, and Bucky…"

His eyes went wide. Bucky was her cousin who was a senior when they were sophomores, and died that year. They had been told it was a suicide, saying that he had felt trapped by the pressure of being student body president and cheer captain and having to be Mr. Perfect.

Tears started rolling down her cheeks and, as she continued, he squeezed her hand. "Bucky found out, and they killed him. And then they just left me there with my—my dead cousin." She sniffed, wiping her eyes. "That's how Eliza found me—how she found out. And I told her everything."

"Addy," he muttered, finally caving and leaning over, pulling her into his arms. She fully melted into him. Sobs wracked her body, fingers gripping his shirt.

Zed held her tight, grounding her. His hand rubbed her back in slow circles, gentle coos vibrating by her ear. "I got you, Baby, I got you," he whispered. Rogue tears slipped down his cheeks but he ignored them. He was hurt, she was hurt more.

They stayed like that, holding each other, crying, until Addison twisted her head in his shoulder, wiping her tears on his shirt. He understood the signal and loosened his grip, letting her lift her head to look at him.

"I…there's more," she said. "Eliza called me and said that some girls were taking this one guy to court. Not the one who, um, who killed Bucky. One of the others. And she asked if I could provide some evidence or something. When I told her what I had, well it was a game changer."

"What was it?"

She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, not looking at him. "Don't freak out, please."

"Okay."

"I knew I was pregnant with Nicky a week before I told you," she said. "I went to my doctor, she gave me the exam, she agreed to make it seem like the first time I found out was with you. Because she saw the scarring, and…she had access to my records from Seabrook. That said that I had a miscarriage when I was fifteen."

His eyes went wide, his grip on her hand tightening.

"A pregnancy test, doctors records, hospital time from when…when I got really sick. And miscarried. I had it all, and it came through." She looked up at him and said, "I just wanted to help. I didn't want someone else to go through what I went through. It was only supposed to be a week, maybe two."

"Would you have told me when you came back?"

"Yes, absolutely," she admitted. "This has been eating me for years and I was so tired of carrying it all by myself. I…I've always been scared to tell you. When we were kids, I didn't know how you would react. And when we were dating, I didn't want to scare you away."

"What about when we got married?"

"I didn't want things to change. What we had was so good, I didn't want that to change us. But…after the trial, I knew I'd have to tell you."

She rolled her lip between her teeth, then said, "But…then some investigator came to me and said that my testimony could put others behind bars. Like…like the guy who killed Bucky. Other people like my parents. The other people involved in…everything. I could have said no, but just testifying put me at risk. And if I could do something so no one would be…after me or, or you and the kids. It was safer to stay and testify and put them all away then come back."

"Addy," he whispered. "I…I'm so glad you told me. I…Whatever it takes, however long it takes, we'll get through this all. Together."

She sniffed, her eyes watering. "Together?"

He gave her a slight smile, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. Addison sighed against his lips, relaxing in his arms. Zed caressed her cheek. He was home, with her, holding her. Addison, his wife, his _best friend_. She was real, right here.

She reached up, her fingers brushing against his hair, curling over his ear and tracing down his neck. Her touch sent goosebumps down his spine and he smiled, pulling his mouth from hers. Their foreheads rested together, each of them giving slow, chilling breaths that mingled in their close proximity.

"Hi," she whispered.

He smiled, for real. "Hey," he whispered. "You tired?"

She gave a slight nod. "Yeah."

His hands fell around her waist, slowly pulling her down onto the mattress with him. Addison cuddled into his side, sighing softly, her head in his chest and her fingers laying with his shirt.

"We can talk more in the morning," he whispered. "Let's just rest. It's been a long day." _Week. Month. Year. Three._ But that was over now. Hopefully over.

Now they could start rebuilding.


	13. Chapter 13

Soft whimpers weren't too strange to wake up to, except they were usually coming from one of his children, none of which were in sight. Zed looked around for the source, finding his blanket crumbled at the foot of the bed, his body unnaturally warm and sore in odd places. His left arm was nearly numb, quivering under his weight when he used it to sit up in bed.

Empty bed. _Empty_ _bed_. He jerked, consciousness slamming back into him. He'd fallen asleep with Addison last night, comforting her while she cried, cuddling, kissing, finally breaking through the barrier that kept them apart.

Panic flared in his chest. What if she had left again? Last time she had left, he hadn't known until it was too late, hours too late. He shook his head, forcing that thought away. She wouldn't leave. Not again, not after everything they've been through, everything she fought for the past few weeks—_years._

He sat up properly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. With a yawn, he caught sight of Addison, sitting on the floor by the bathroom door. Her arms were folded on her knees and her head was ducked down between them. He slid out of bed, slowly making his way over, and sat on the floor beside her.

She didn't even lift her head. "Please don't touch me," she whispered, her voice quiet and broken.

He swallowed, but nodded. "Okay," he agreed.

They sat there in silence, Addison with her head down and Zed watching her, unable to do anything but give her distant comfort. It hurt his heart to see her broken and to be completely unable to do anything. He tried to tell himself that sitting with her was enough, that she appreciated him being there. But it didn't take away the hurt, didn't make him want to stop her pain.

Zed nearly fell asleep, sitting, waiting, until finally, Addison lifted her head and sniffed, rubbing cheeks. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I-I had a nightmare and it just…" She trails off, looking down at the ground.

"Addy, it's fine, I get it," he told her.

She nodded, letting out a sigh. "I hate this," she mumbled. His eyebrows jumped, but he didn't interrupt. She'd explain it if she wanted him to know.

"I just…it feels like I'm not in control of my own life. And it-it sucks. Having to go through this." She turned her eyes to him and smiled softly. "At least I have you."

Zed sighed, his own smile in reply. "You'll always have me. No matter what." he agreed.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Can I…?" She gestured vaguely but he was already nodding, despite not even knowing her question. She scooted closer, until she leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder and sighing. "I love you," she whispered, her voice quivering. "So much. I-I don't know what I'd do without you."

Zed glanced down at her. He wrapped his arms around her body and stretched his legs out, pulling her into his lap on instinct. Out of habit, Addison curled around him.

"Don't cry Adds," he whispered to her. "It's okay, it's over now."

"I know," she said, her voice breathy.

"I won't let anything happen to you, not anymore," he promised quietly. "We're okay. We're together, that's what matters." She nodded, leaning against his shoulder, and he said again, "We're okay, Addy."

"We're okay," Addison whispered in agreement.

He rubbed her back, pressing a kiss to her jaw. "I love you."

Then, she blurted out, "I slept with someone else."

Zed's whole body went rigid. But he doesn't let up his hold of her. Addison shifted so she was looking at him and rushed to explain, "I-I'm so sorry. I just, everything was going awful and we were losing and I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I thought I was gonna die and I was weak and—it was barely a night and it meant nothing. I know I should've told you sooner, but I just—I couldn't. I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything for a long time, until finally, "Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you."

Zed smiled, running his own fingers through her hair. "I love you too," he said. "Nothing will change that."

"Nothing?"

Zed shrugged, smiling. "What can I say? You said it was only a night, it meant nothing. You came back to me, and you still love me. What more could there be?"

A small smile came to her face. "How do you make everything so simple?"

"Oh that's easy, Addison. I just remember three things." He smiled again. "Their names are Nicky, Adian, and Lily."

Addison snorted and Zed laughed. "You're so cheesy," she mumbled, much to his amusement.

"You love it," he said. "As I was saying—"

"What were you saying?" Addison teased. "How our kids make things simple?"

"Right. Well, just always remember that, at the end of the day, they love us no matter what. No matter how much we mess up. We are kinda, almost perfect in their eyes. And if they think we're good, well what else matters?"

Addison thought about it for a moment, then smiled. He was right, in an odd way.

"I love our kids," she said. "Almost as much as I love you."

"Kiss?"

Addison smiled, planting a short kiss on his lips, and they both share a sweet smile. "I love you," she said again. "I can't believe I can call someone as amazing as you my husband."

They smile at each other for a moment. It's almost…perfect. Addison can barely remember what woke her so early in the morning. She felt almost lighter. Things were going to be okay.

* * *

Zed and Addison got up off the floor, taking a moment to recompose themselves before heading into the bathroom. He kept his arms around her middle, holding her protectively to his chest. She didn't mind, leading the way to the sink and silently passing him his toothbrush.

She passed him the toothpaste, watching him through the mirror as he applied it and dropped it back on the counter. Only when he started brushing his teeth did she ask, "Um, Zed, not that I'm complaining, but why are you holding onto me?"

He paused. "I like holding you," he said simply. "I've missed you. If it's bothering you I could stop."

Addison hummed. She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back, her temple pressing against his. "No, I like it," she whispered. "I really needed a good snuggle."

Zed kisses her cheek lovingly. "Me too."

Addison pouted softly. "You had the kids. I had...my pillow."

"I know baby," he whispered. "I can take the day off tomorrow. So we can have some more time to...talk. Regroup, after yesterday."

Addison opened her eyes, looking at his reflection. "I…" She stammered over her words. Zed caressed her in his arms, waiting for her to get her mind together. "I would really appreciate that," she finally whispered.

Zed offered her a smile. "Good. Two quiet days in."

"As quiet as our lives can be with three little monsters," Addison grumbled, making Zed chuckle.

They went back to brushing their teeth in relative silence. Zed kept his hands around her, his mind already racing. Three days at home were a lot, and there was _so much_ to unpack from the day before. No, since the day she got there, a month and a half ago.

Nicky was already upset about the whole ordeal—he never liked not knowing something and being out of the loop. He was mad at Zed, he probably wouldn't know how to react to the events of the day before. The longer they waited, the worse things could get.

Addison poked his stomach. "What're you thinking about?"

"What—um—what do you want to tell the kids?"

"The kids?"

He nodded. "Yeah. We have to talk to them. We gotta tell them something. So they can understand, and learn."

Addison clicked her tongue. "Damn our progressive parenting," she teased. "Talking to our kids, trying to be on the same page, caring about mental health."

Zed chuckled quietly. "We are terrible people," he joked. She smiles and pecks his cheek. "But seriously, they're worried about you."

"They're so sweet," she mumbled. "I want to tell them the truth. Not, like, the full truth. Because they're just kids and...that shit is too much."

Zed nodded. "The truth, but sugarcoated a little. We can do that."

"Actually," Addison said. "Maybe we could split up? We-we can't tell Lily and the boys the same thing. Lily is...she's my little baby. She's not ready—"

"I know, I get it," he said. "I can talk to the boys. But you gotta come by too. It just doesn't make sense if you aren't there for a little bit."

"Yeah," she said. "Gimme a headstart with Lily first. We've already talked about it a little anyway."

Zed nodded. "Okay."

He let her go, and Addison frowned, turning around to face him. "Right now?"

Zed chuckled. "Yes, right now," he said. "I mean, if that's okay?"

Addison giggled and nodded. "It's okay. We'll talk to the kids, have some breakfast, then…"

He grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. "Mental health day? We could binge, teach the kids about mental health." Addison raised an eyebrow at that and he explained, "Like, how to communicate or cope when things aren't okay. Recognizing signs." He shrugged but she nodded, understanding.

"Sounds like a plan then."

They shared another smile, leaning in for a gentle kiss. It felt good, better than good, to be able to hold each other in their arms, to show love and affection without a care in the world. It was just them, and their little family.

* * *

Lily was already awake when Addison walked in, sitting at the table in the corner of her room. It was only ten in the morning, and from what Addison knew, none of the kids liked being up if they didn't have to. She was coloring too, humming a little song and sitting in the dark. All of it was very, very weird.

"Lilianne," Addison sang.

Lily let out a high pitched note in her song, turning around to look at Addison. She grinned, gasping in surprise and happiness. "Mommy!" she shrieked. She stumbled out of her chair and ran across the room, throwing her arms around Addison's thighs and hugging her tightly.

Addison giggled. She bent down and lifted her daughter up, giving her a curious smile. "You're still here!" Lily said excitedly.

"Of course I'm still here," Addison said. "I'm not leaving. Never ever."

"Never ever," Lily repeated with a giggle.

"Why are you up so early Lily?"

"I wanted to draw you a picture," she stated. "Dr. Erin says to color when I'm sad. And-and then Daddy says my drawings make him smile. I wanted to make you smile because you were sad."

Addison couldn't help but 'aw.' Her daughter was beyond adorable, and caring and sweet. She kissed Lily's nose. "You're so sweet. Can I see your picture?"

"You have to put me down first," Lily said wisely.

Addison laughed. "Oh right!" She set Lily back on her feet, following her to the other side of the room. Lily grabbed her papers from the table, clutching it to her chest and grinning cheekily at Addison.

"Close your eyes." Addison squatted and covered her eyes with her hands dramatically. Lily laughed, "You have to hold out your hands, Mommy!" Addison laughed too, holding out her hands and keeping her eyes closed.

Lily hummed what sounded like 'Be Our Guest', delicately placing the papers in her mother's hands. After a few seconds of her shuffling around, she declared, "Look now!"

Addison opened her eyes and gasped—not a pretend gasp she did when she was talking to Lily to entertain her. She _actually_ gasped, completely taken by the picture in her hands. It was them—their family, all together. And it was drawn pretty well, probably at a seven or eight year old skill level. It was perfect because it was _them_.

"Lily," she whispered, unable to figure out what else she was trying to say.

"Do you like it?" Lily asked shyly.

Addison looked from the drawing to her daughter, smiling softly. "I love it," she said earnestly. "I love it so much, Lily."

"And-and you're not sad no more?"

"No, I'm very happy," Addison said. "Thank you, Lily-bear." She pulled Lily into a hug, making sure not to crinkle the picture. Lily pulled back, clearly proud of her work. "I'm gonna put this on the fridge so everyone can see it," Addison declared.

Lily beamed, bouncing up and down. "Yay! Can we go show Daddy?"

"Well actually," Addison switched from squatting to sitting on the floor, patting the spot on the rug beside her for Lily to sit. "I wanted to talk to you."

Lily sat, giving her mom a pleasant smile. "Okay."

"It's about yesterday," Addison said. "About what happened yesterday." She paused, gauging her daughter's reaction, but Lily's face remained neutral. But slowly, she started to frown, her shoulders drooping.

"I'm sorry about what happened," Addison said. "It was probably really scary to see, huh?"

Lily gave her a slight nod. "A little," she said quietly. Addison's heart felt heavy in her chest, suddenly. Not the same heaviness that had suffocated her, trapping her, but instead a different type. A sadness that clung to her heart, and stuck to her chest. One that she knew would stick with her, because her daughter witnessed something she never should've had to witness. Addison knew she would never be able to take that back, not like with the boys, but Lily maybe...maybe she would forget. Maybe she wouldn't.

"Remember when I told you I was gone because I had to do something serious. To help other people?"

"To be a superhero," Lily clarified.

Addison let out a light chuckle. "I wasn't a superhero," she said. "I—a lot of really bad things happened to me when I was younger. A lot of really bad people did a lot of really bad things. And it's-it's really hard to forget sometimes. All the...all the bad stuff." She took a shaky breath, feeling tears pricking her eyes. She couldn't cry, not now, not in front of Lily. She needed to be strong for her baby girl, let her know that things were okay, even though they weren't.

"Sometimes I can't stop thinking about them," she explained slowly. "And it gets hard to think about good stuff. And—and it's okay. Sometimes, things aren't perfect, and that's okay. Even when things get bad, really bad, there's always someone there to remind you of the good things."

Lily nodded slowly. "Okay."

Addison sighed. She wasn't even sure if Lily understood what she meant to say. "I'm sorry that you had to see me freak out like that," Addison said. "I'm getting better, I have a lot of really good things to think about, now that I get to be with my family again."

Lily looked up at Addison and asked, "Like...me?"

"Of course, you and your brothers are the best thing to ever happen to me," Addison said. "I love you guys more than anything in the world. You're like...like shining stars on a really cloudy day! Or the Christmas episode of my life!" Lily giggled at the slightly odd analogy. She ducked her head into Addison's side, laughing.

"So when you see us, you don't think of bad stuff?" Lily asked for clarification.

Addison nodded. "Nope. Only how much I love you."

Liy grinned, mischievously biting her lip. "I love you Mommy, I hope you never ever think of bad stuff anymore. 'Cause you're staying here now!"

"Of course," Addison said. Her and Lily shared another smile, and then a hug. One that felt more than okay, more than perfect.

* * *

Zed slipped into his sons' room, clicking the door closed behind him and flicking the lights on. One of them groaned—most likely Aidan—shuffling in his bed. "S'too early," Nicky grumbled from his spot on the top bunk.

Zed chuckled. "Get up, we have to talk."

"Later," Nicky said. "We are sleeping."

Aidan rolled over on his bed so he was facing the wall. "Good night," he added for good measure.

"We have to talk. _Now_." Zed said firmly. "Guy chat. Without your sister or mom."

"Guys need sleep," Aidan grumbled.

Zed rolled his eyes. "Aidan, Nick, up, let's go. This is serious."

It was silent for almost a full minute. Then Nicky sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes and scratching his hair.

He jumped down from his bunk and tapped his brother. "Get up, scoot over." Aidan grumbled but did as he was told.

Zed pulled over the chair from the desk against the wall. He set it in front of his boys and sat down with a huff. Nicky and Aidan both sat, legs crossed on the bed.

Nicky fixed him with a tired look. "Did Mom leave again?"

"No." He hated how that was the first thing on his son's mind. But that was done and over with, and Addison was here to stay now, for good. "No, she didn't. She's with your sister."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn't even know where to start, or what to say. Where did he go from here? "I wanted to talk to you guys about what happened with Mom yesterday. I know you saw her freaking out, and I know it freaked you guys out—"

"Is she okay now?" Aidan asked, his voice small and weary.

Zed looked over at his son and smiled, "She's much better now that she's surrounded by family."

Aidan nodded, physically relaxing. Nicky leaned forward though, asking, "Why did she freak out like she did?" His words broke into a yawn that nearly echoed around the room.

Zed shifted, unsure, uneasy. How was he supposed to say this? Should he say she had a panic attack? Was he supposed to tell them the truth? How much was too much? He knew he and Addison had agreed to be as honest as possible.

"Your mom has...been through a lot, boys. When she was away, she had to go through a lot, mostly by herself. And yesterday, something happened that brought her back to those days, and to those not so good memories."

Aidan and Nicky both stare at him with their full attention, and he already saw the questions they were thinking of, the gears turning rapidly in their brains. He continued before they could interrupt, his eyes finding their way down to where his hands are now clasped in his lap.

"Do you boys remember how you feel during nightmares? When you wake up from one and nothing feels right?" Both boys nodded. "Your mom...that's what she felt like there, when those memories of the past hit her. And sometimes it's hard for people to wake up, and realize, and remember."

The boys sat quietly for what felt like forever to Zed, when in reality it was only a few moments. And then Nicky moved closer to him, leaning off the edge of the bed, and wrapped his arms around Zed, followed by Aidan. "I'm glad Mommy's okay," Nicky whispered against Zed's shoulder, Aidan nodding into his other.

"Nightmares aren't any fun," his other son mumbled, and, as he wrapped his arms around both of his boys, he got the sense that maybe they will be okay. After all, with kids like these, he knew Addison would feel as loved as she needed to be.


	14. Chapter 14

Addison got stirred out of her sleep by a featherlight kiss pressed to her cheek. She hummed in appreciation, peeking through her tired eyes at her husband. "I'm off to work," he whispers. "I think Captain Diaz might need me to work late tonight."

She hummed again.

"I'll text you once I know for sure," he added.

"Mkay. Bye sweetie."

"Bye." He leaned down and planted another kiss on her cheek, adding, "Love you, see you later."

"Love you too," she mumbled as he slipped out, already falling back asleep.

She waited for the click of the door closing before reaching over and grabbing his pillow, cuddling it to her chest.

In the weeks following the barbecue, things fell back into a more…normal stride. Or at least as normal as a house of three kids and a married couple with a complicated romantic history could be. Zed started heading to work earlier, staying later. He took more days to work, and, although it was a little lonely, she did enjoy the time spent with the kids. No secrets between them, just laughing and playing and being a family.

Sure, there was the occasional temper tantrum or fight, but that was how family was. And, when the kids got to be too much, she knew Zed would be home.

Good morning kisses and cuddles on his days off, kisses when he left for work, random flirty texts (or even just check in texts, just hearing from him made her heart flutter), kisses when he got home, cuddles all night. It was…perfect. She'd spent so long missing him, wishing he was beside her, and now it was _real_.

Hours after Zed had left, after a ton of whining and complaining, Addison and the kids lazed around the living room. They _should've _been out playing sports or doing activities or whatever it was that was on their schedule. And, not to toot her own horn, but she had made that decision, gotten them to brush their teeth, dealt out their chores, and then gave them some (only slightly burnt) freezer chicken nuggets, all without consulting Zed. It was the little things.

It was swelteringly hot, the musty California air forcing them to stay inside. If not, they probably would've gone to Bree's and hung in her much nicer backyard. Addison craned her neck from her spot on the floor, looking out through the sliding glass doors and the unkempt lawn littered with toys and overgrown weeds. '_Someone should really take care of that_,' she thought.

Lily crawled over Addison's stomach making her grunt, splaying across to watch the television with a giggle. "I can't see the TV," she explained with a mischievous smile. Addison knew it was just because her kids liked to annoy her.

"Only one episode, then you gotta get up."

Lily hummed and turned her attention to the cartoon on the TV. It was only the second day of August but Addison laid on the floor, on her phone, frowning at the calendar as she built her to-do list for the month. Between the random summer activities they did, getting ready for school, and like _eight_ birthday parties, August was jam packed.

She was least looking forward to the birthday parties and having to play nice with the other parents. On the brightside, most of the parties she could avoid having to stay all the way through because the host didn't _want_ all three of the Necrodopolus kids there.

The front door opened as she rearranged her to-do list for the coming week. No one moved, their attention glued to the silly cartoon farm boy on the screen.

"Hello," Zed rushed out, the sound of the door closing behind him.

Addison frowned. She had expected him to come home later than he usually did, at least at ten or eleven pm. Not two fifteen. She started to sit up, hindered by Lily still laying over her stomach. She huffed and started lifting her, muttering, "Get up," to her daughter.

Once she's standing and the kids were clearly occupied with their show, she rushed over to Zed, still toeing off his boots. His face was all flushed and he was panting, clearly out of breath. He didn't look up, knowing she was coming in for an embrace and warned, "I'm really sweaty."

She frowned and tilted her head. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he breathed. He huffed, looking up at her with a thin lipped smile that looked both strained and painful. He added in a whisper, "I just need a fucking shower."

She held back a snicker. He pouted, leaning over and smothering a gross, sweaty and over dramatic kiss to her cheek. "Ew!" she squealed, squirming in his arms. He laughed, securing his arms around her, pulling her in. He peppered kisses all over her face. She didn't actually mind. At first, he was doing it to annoy her, but it didn't take long for them to turn much more loving and affectionate. Her giggles calmed down, and then she was sighing softly with each loving kiss pressed to her face.

"Where are the kids?" Zed asked. He kissed her jaw and she sighed again, melting into his arms, letting her eyes flutter closed.

"They're watching TV," she mumbled.

Zed hummed. "Now I know this may be a stretch, but I seem to have forgotten some key elements of how to shower. Do you think you can help me out?"

She lifted her head, managing to crane her neck to look at him. He kissed her cheek, then the other, giving her a soft grin. She could barely think of a coherent response.

"You can say no, I won't be upset," he whispered.

She shook her head. "I'm just—Yes, please. Let's go before the kids notice we're missing."

He let out a quiet chuckle, taking her hand in his and running off to their bedroom.

* * *

Zed being home made the rest of the day instantly better. The kids were content with their cartoons, so Zed and Addison hung out on the back patio. They sat under the shade, sitting on the swinging seat on the deck. They were _cuddling_, too! Post-coital bliss took on a whole new meaning when it came to Zed.

"Today is...perfect," she told him.

He hummed, nuzzling his cheek against the top of her head. "You're perfect," he said. "I love you."

"I love you too." She paused, then asked, "Why are you home so early?"

"Oh." He stopped, but he continued to hold her hand, his thumb stroking over the back of her hand. "I've been thinking, since you're back, and the kids are older, that I should go back to the 24/48 schedule."

She shifted in a failed attempt to look at him. She wasn't sure if he was actually being serious—he sounded serious, but the idea was so..._out there_. Twenty four hours without him, maybe more if he decided to pick up someone else's shift.

"Really?"

"Yeah I—Let me explain," he assured her. "I've been thinking about this a lot. I mean, for a long time too. I could change my hours, work a bunch more, and save enough to go back to school? Maybe as early as next year?"

She slipped out from under his arm to stare at him—this time though, she was smiling. He should have led with that part, honestly. Him working more just because she was there to look after the kids was one thing, but this was entirely different.

"You wanna go back to school? Like actually?" she asked.

He smiled nervously. "Yeah. I mean, I love working at the station, but...I just feel like there's more I could do out there. To help people, I mean."

"Oh my god, Zed! That's awesome!" She couldn't help but leap into his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his lips. He laughed, wrapping his arms around her.

"I thought you'd be _a lot_ more apprehensive," he admitted.

"I mean—" She shrugged, "I am, but I'm also so happy. What are you thinking of getting a degree in? What do you wanna do?"

"I was thinking of, like, working in a school. Like a guidance counselor or a social worker or something."

"Well as a former teacher, you should get a master's too so you can get slightly better pay."

He laughed, then kissed her nose. "I'll consider."

"Either way, I'm supporting you a hundred percent," she said earnestly. "Oh! I should start looking for a job." She slid out of his lap and pulled out her phone. "When are you going to fully switch your schedule?"

"I think we were talking about the twenty eighth? Diaz wants me to use up some vacation days before hand so I can start calibrating my body—"

"What if we went on a vacation though?"

Zed stopped, raising an eyebrow at her. "I don't think we've ever gone on a vacation."

"Then we should _definitely_ go on vacation. Think how happy the kids will be! It's their first vacation!"

Zed chuckled. "Can we afford one?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "We can move some money around, do some extra financial planning. I mean, Lily's not going to college for _thirteen_ years. We can so do this!"

Zed couldn't help but chuckle. "You're insane. And it's even more insane that we could _probably_ do it."

She gasped. "Really?"

"I mean, we have, like, two and a half weeks until the kids have to go to school."

"I think it might actually be less," she said. "They don't go back for a while I don't think." She opened the calendar on her phone, pointing out the event. "Oh, it's actually about three weeks from now."

Zed leaned over her shoulder to look. "I don't know what you're thinking of plans wise, but we could go sometime next weekend? Spend like, a week away? I know that'll hinder your shopping plans, but…"

"No, no, it's fine," she said. Her eyes scanned the calendar. "Friday? We could go—"

"No, wait, I think someone's birthday is that day."

"What?"

"Yeah," Zed nodded. "August tenth. Doesn't that, like, ring a bell?"

And strangely it did. She wasn't sure why though. It wasn't any of the kids' birthdays. And it wasn't either of their birthdays. Bree's daughter's birthday wasn't until October, around Eliza's...But what else could be important enough to leave an impression in both of their minds.

And then it hit her. It was their wedding anniversary.

It seemed like Zed had the same realization as she did because he tensed too.

Their _wedding _anniversary. Addison hadn't thought of that in….a long time. She remembered being absolutely wrecked the first time it had come up while she had been away—she had been a mess most of that first year, actually. The kids' birthdays, Zed's birthday, but their wedding anniversary had taken the cake. She had been closed off, barely doing anything but wallowing in her misery. She couldn't even imagine how Zed had been.

It hadn't gotten better as the years went on. But she was honestly surprised she hadn't realized it was coming up so soon.

"That's our wedding anniversary," she said in a quiet voice.

She felt him nod next to her. He swallowed thickly and stammered, "Yeah."

"Um, are we supposed to, like, do something?" She shifted and turned so she could face him.

"I don't know," he admitted. "It honestly didn't even cross my mind."

"Me neither."

"Do you…wanna do something?"

Addison glanced down at the space between them. Should they? Would it be wrong if they did? Would it be wrong if they didn't?

"I don't know," she whispered. She lifted her head and gave him a sheepish smile. "What would we even do?"

He chewed his lip thoughtfully. "I could take you out on a date," he said. "We could get a babysitter, go somewhere nice."

"Yeah, we could." She shrugged and nodded. "That'd be nice."

"Yeah," he agreed.

Slowly, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder again. She smiled, scooting closer and cuddling into his side. She continued to scroll through possible vacation ideas on her phone.

"Disneyland?"

"I'm not paying a bunch of money to drive _maybe_ thirty minutes," he complained.

She raised an eyebrow. "You wanna go _far_?"

"It's our first vacation in, like—since our honeymoon, probably. It's gotta be epic."

She furrowed her brows, glancing up at him. "No way. I'm sure we took Nicky somewhere." She stared at the grass for a moment before it hit her. She snapped, popping up to look at him again. She had been going through the pictures from their last vacation a few weeks ago with the kids. "We went back to the-the villa after he was born."

Zed's eyes widen in realization. "Oh yeah!"

"We could go back," she suggested.

"To Aruba?"

Addison nodded. "The most pricey thing would be trying to get five roundtrip tickets so late, but other than that it'd be pretty inexpensive. We have like…three weeks. Give or take."

"We could…" He trailed off. "Let's make sure the kids are on board before we make anything permanent."

Addison nodded, leaning back into his side. She was actually getting excited now! They were going on vacation!

She couldn't help but keep researching the old villa, way out in Aruba. She was even surprised to see the very first one they had rented still available. They couldn't rent it now—it was one thing when it was them and seven month old Nicky, but now there wouldn't be any space for all five of them.

It had been silent for several minutes, until Zed nudged her shoulder and said, "This year is technically our ten year anniversary."

"I've known you way longer than ten years," she said offhandedly.

"No. I mean, Nicky turned nine this year." Zed explained. "So we got married ten years ago."

She nodded, not quite sure what to say after that. It was a big deal, she knew, but after everything that happened, she hadn't expected to pay any mind to the actual year. She was fine having a quiet celebration.

Then Zed said, "Let's get married."

Addison snorted. "Are you on drugs? We're already married."

Zed burst out laughing. "Why is your first thought of me being high?"

"Because I've seen you high," she said matter-of-factly.

Zed chuckled more. "Okay, fair," he admitted. "Let's get married though."

"Again, we're _already_ married."

"I mean—" He shifted down he could look at her, "like, let's do something. We made it through what was hopefully the worst part of our marriage. Let's do something to say like, 'we're Zed and Addison and we kick ass.' Back and better than ever."

She giggled. After he explained it, it didn't sound half bad. "A second wedding though? We'd only have a week to plan it…"

"It could be a small thing, a sweet little, like, vow renewal or something," he suggested. "Just us, the kids. Bree and Bonzo could come. I can call my dad and Zoey and see if they can fly out."

"And Eliza," Addison added.

"Right, and Eliza."

Addison counted on her fingers as she listed out the people. "Your stepmom," she pointed out. "And Eliza's girlfriend. And Zoey's."

"How many is that?"

"Including us, like fourteen."

Zed nodded. "So we've got guests. A place? We don't need to spend an arm and a leg getting a fancy venue."

"I mean the backyard is nice. If you took care of it that is." She poked his ribs and he chuckled.

"Okay, okay, I'll cut the grass, meanie. But someone needs to pick up all these toys." He raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed.

"Tomorrow," she decided. "We'll make the place nice this weekend."

Zed nodded. "So guests, venue…all that's left is clothes and food I think."

Addison hummed. She shifted closer, snuggling back into his side. "We can do more planning tomorrow. Let's just enjoy this peace and quiet before the kids get bored."

She heard his smile as he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in closer. "I love you, Adds."

"I love you so much, it hurts," she teased.

"Oh, I love you so much I can't even stand it. You drive me crazy."

She smiled into his chest. "In the best way possible."

"Yeah," he whispered.


End file.
